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 Posted: Sat Jun 17, 2006 11:38 am
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 6:32 pm
I of all people understand rough drafts, but really I think you should give it a title even if it's not going to be one that ultimately stays. When there's not a title, people get the general idea that you don't really care about this poem. Quality poems that you put a lot of work in to are better than a bunch of poems that is the same as all the others and that you glance at once and then stash away as part of a seemingly impressive resume.
Okay, to be honest with you, I didn't get past the first stanza. The hardest part to write of anything is the beginning and the end, and unfortunately they are also the most important. "You don't know me" is probably the worst first line you could write. It's too cliched, scene, and boring.
I am a firm believer that everyone has their own individual story to tell and that yours is very important, but you'll just have to work on making it yours and not the same as everyone else's.
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Posted: Mon Oct 16, 2006 9:32 pm
Well, I agree with Juni about the first line. It doesn't really grab the reader's attention or pull the reader in. Also, I'm not sure if it's supposed to rhyme or not, and there is no clear rhythm. It's okay, but it needs some editing.
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Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 6:44 pm
I like this a lot...it starts out accusing someone of not paying attention, then continues to accuse them of losing interest and not caring...
It's really good
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