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Reply Art / Poetry / Literature - Related Topics
another song i wrote, can i please get feedback?

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the song lyrics are...
  really good
  ok
  could use some work
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_Built_to_Offend_666

PostPosted: Fri Jun 16, 2006 2:53 pm


this is a song in wrote a while ago when i was feeling really depressed and overwhelmed. could i please get feedback as wo weither its anygood or if the Earth would be a better place without it.


INFINITY
Locked inside time without an escape
Draining sand and rotating cogs, tools of time's rape
I look back through all of my spectre memories
Reflections in blood as I shoot down my fantasies

As I scream into my fading mirror
I bleed out all the phlegm that kept me here
I breathe through sharp blood and glass
I go through a cycle to get kissed by this machine bath

You used to be right here for me
But now you're just a memory
Pawns can only move forwards
Pawns can never go backwards

Back to the way it used to be

When all of our tragedies were just minor inquiries
Before a true sense of severity
We wore our attire of social conformity
When did it all collapse?
How many hells ellapsed?

Can't look back at my buried celebrations
Confined to a state of re-run animation
Unnoticed until stopped by roadblocks in formation
Questioning weither I will ever live again

There is no going back
I'm never going back
There is no going back
I'm never going back

I stay inside my cell
I play inside my cell
Trapped way inside my cell
Can't pray to leave my cell
Enclosed inside, it's all around
laments echoed feeling so loud
I still don't know what my life's about
I don't think I'm ever coming out

Back to the way it used to be
Used to be...

When all of our tragedies were just minor inquiries
Before a true sense of severity
We wore our attire of social conformity
When did it all collapse?
How many hells ellapsed?

Can't look back at my buried celebrations
Confined to a state of re-run animation
Unnoticed until stopped by roadblocks in formation
Questioning weither I will ever live again

{
I stay inside my cell
I play inside my cell
Trapped way inside my cell
Can't pray to leave my cell
Enclosed inside, it's all around
laments echoed feeling so loud
I still don't know what my life's about
I don't think I'm ever coming out
} - [x2]

I'm never coming out
I'm never going back
I'll never live my life
I'll never leave my life
PostPosted: Sat Jun 17, 2006 2:12 am


if you want my honest opinion i actually loved it. it's more real than most songs.  

bloody_pixie


_Built_to_Offend_666

PostPosted: Sat Jun 17, 2006 12:52 pm


bloody_pixie
if you want my honest opinion i actually loved it. it's more real than most songs.


thanx for the compliment
PostPosted: Sat Jun 24, 2006 8:08 pm


The imagery here is wonderful! I really like this one 3nodding

fantasma_mirth

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ThreatreKitten

PostPosted: Wed Jul 05, 2006 10:23 am


I actually really liked it. I found it deeper then all of that 'oh, woe is me, my life is ruined' crap. This actually had feeling a depth to it instead of being static.
PostPosted: Thu Jul 06, 2006 12:05 am


Interesting. Is this going to be a metal song?

I wish there were some way I could tell what the finished product would sound like biggrin

Anonigoth


_Built_to_Offend_666

PostPosted: Thu Jul 06, 2006 10:00 am


Anonigoth
Interesting. Is this going to be a metal song?

I wish there were some way I could tell what the finished product would sound like biggrin


My band is starting recording now. so ya, we're working on recording songs. This song in particular is 1 song out of 34 songs we're planning to record, so it may be a while before we get to this one. but we will eventually. I was planning on posting finished versions of my band's work on here once we get some recordings that we're all content with.
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Art / Poetry / Literature - Related Topics

 
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