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A physicist and a mathematician are sitting in a faculty lounge. Suddenly, the coffee machine catches on fire. The physicist grabs a bucket and leap towards the sink, filled the bucket with water and puts out the fire. Second day, the same two sit in the same lounge. Again, the coffee machine catches on fire. This time, the mathematician stands up, got a bucket, hands the bucket to the physicist, thus reducing the problem to a previously solved one.

Several scientists were all posed the following question: "What is 2 * 2 ?"
The engineer whips out his slide rule (so it's old) and shuffles it back and forth, and finally announces "3.99".
The physicist consults his technical references, sets up the problem on his computer, and announces "it lies between 3.98 and 4.02".
The mathematician cogitates for a while, then announces: "I don't know what the answer is, but I can tell you, an answer exists!".
Philosopher smiles: "But what do you mean by 2 * 2 ?"
Logician replies: "Please define 2 * 2 more precisely."
The sociologist: "I don't know, but is was nice talking about it".
Behavioral Ecologist: "A polygamous mating system".
Medical Student : "4" All others looking astonished : "How did you know ??" Medical Student : "I memorized it."

If ever I become a nuclear physicist proper I will obtain a sign that reads

"Gone Fission"

A mathematician a physicist and a biologist are having lunch at a cafe. As they talk they notice two people go into a house and emerge with annother person. The biologist notes that they must have reproduced, the physicist becomes certain that the initial measurement of the number of people must have been innacurate. The mathematician is pleased to note that now if exactly one person goes into the house it will be empty again.

I always felt like a neutron. Although Charm Quark does have a nice ring to it, eh?

I am so a neutrino. I've always been a fan of muon neutrinos...


And now, some jokes...


A hydrogen atom walks into a bar. He looks at the bartender and says, "I think I lost my electron."

The bartender replies, "are you sure?"

The hydrogen atom replies, "Yeah, i'm positive."


A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer are asked to build a pen for a bunch of sheep to go in. They need to make the pen as big as possible with the amount of fencing they have. The engineer gets up and says, "no problem." He takes the fencing and makes a square pen. "That's good enough," he says.

The physicist gets up and says, "that's silly. If you maximize the formula, you'll find that the best pen is this!" He then stands remakes the pen into a circle.

The mathematician looks at the pen for a moment and says, "I can do better." The physicist and the engineer look at him and laugh. "Prove it."

The mathematician gets up, goes inside the fence, and makes the smallest circle around himself as he can. He then looks at the other two and says, "I declare myself to be outside."

I'm totally a charm quark. I try to have a positive outlook on life most of the time so my charge is positive 2/3. Plus, I was discovered at SLAC which is incidentally where I decided to become a physicist after an epic tour of the facility. I'm not exactly sure how quantum chromodynamics works yet, but I think if there are such things, I would be a "green" charm quark.

And I have to share my bumper sticker with you guys:

"Get a half-life! Visit the National Atomic Museum!" (In Albuquerque, NM USA if you're interested.)


JOKE: A lawyer, an accountant, and a physicist are discussing, over a beer, whether life is better with a wife or with a girlfriend.
"A wife is better," declares the lawyer, "because of the family support and the help she'll be to your career."
"Nonsense," says the accountant. "A girlfriend is better: you can keep your independence and go out with your friends more."
They turn to the physicist, who says, "It's better to have both. That way, the wife thinks you're with the girlfriend, the girlfriend thinks you're with the wife, and meanwhile you can be down at the lab!"