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 Posted: Sun Jun 04, 2006 10:32 am
So I wrote this poem awhile back....anyone want to grade it or give me feedback on it? sweatdrop
Living In Wonderland
I took the jump, that summers day
Fell through the rabbit hole,
and didn't know what to say.
I could't stop!
Time moved to fast!
The pain began
The sorrow was cast
I fell into the ocean made of my tears
Got caught in the hurricane of my own fears
Tried to hide the shame with useless words
Watched my dreams fly off, like beautiful birds
But then you came...
and saved me from pain
Held me in your arms
and protected me from harm
With each passing day I began to slow down
Pain was erased, I no longer could frown
The tears were stopped, by your loving hands
The fears were thrown, to times neverending sands
Then you turned to me and simply smiled
I knew right then my life was worthwhile.
and as you held me close
and wiped the shame away
I knew
that I loved you
and I will always feel that way...
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Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 12:54 pm
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Posted: Fri Jun 09, 2006 3:12 pm
Hmm...Not bad but you alternated between styles in the middle of the poem...Try sticking to just one.
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Posted: Wed Jun 14, 2006 3:35 pm
it's good^^ keep it up biggrin
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Posted: Sat Jun 17, 2006 12:07 pm
i like it but u should rhyme every line not just randomly
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Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 1:43 pm
that's pretty good! i like it. keep it up, girl!
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Posted: Thu Jul 27, 2006 8:27 am
It's Good But A Little Bad Like Only 10%
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