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Taken from a local free newspaper called "24 Hours" on May 18th, 2006.
Article by Tanya Enberg

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"How close is too close?"

It's the age-old question, a thorny debate among couples, and is often the subject among girlfriends sharing the dirt during cocktail hour.

Ever since 1989's famous romantic comedy, "When Harry Met Sally", we've been wondering, can men and women just be friends?

"Absolutely not," said one women. "I've been down that road and it didn't work."

She talking about her boyfriend who shared a relationship with another road.

The problem? The other woman wanted to scoop him up for her own. She was digging in her claws and it was creating stress in the couple's relationship.

But surely some have made it work, no?

"There's no such thing," said one married man. "There's always a sexual attraction there, and you wonder if it will ever be fulfilled."

Still, haven't we come a long way since Harry told Sally, "the sex part always gets in the way?"

We now have online communities tearing down the male-female divide, and in the workplace we've embraced sexual harassment policies, which makes working together much more pleasant.

But what if things get too pleasant? A seemingly innocent lunch between co-workers progresses into evening drinks, then maybe a dinner or two. You're sharing laughs, intimate details about your lives and exchanging flirtacious e-mails.

The two of you are really hitting it off. It's fresh and exciting, but there's also a snag. You're both in other relationships. But if you're not having sex, is it really infidelity? Whereas some believe it's only cheating if bodily fluids are swapped, others have a different take.

It's called emotional cheating, and while it's not as clear-cut as a romp between the sheets, it can be damaging to a relationship, experts say.

"Emotionally cheating is when you're sharing things with someone what you should be sharing with your partner," explains Carl Lyons, a Toronto-based individuals and couples counsellor.

"It's usually personal, not things like 'he doesn't like to play tennis and I do'" he says.

Are you an emotional cheater? Check out these signs:

- You've created a deep emotional bond with a third party.

- You think of that person often and are becoming withdrawn in your relationship.

- Your feelings are growing for them.

- You fantasize about them, possibly even when you're having sex with your partner.


While the arrival of someone new can send even the most solid of relationships into a tailspin, it's not always a black and white issue.

"It's very hard to generalize," offers Lyon.

As for my view?

Well, perhaps friendship is workable, but it's tricky terrain. After all, if a man takes a sudden interest in you, it is possible that he's intrigued by more than just your "pleasant personality."

Friendship IS possible between male and females. It just really depends on the people.
Going through high school I had mostly male friends (I'm a female btw) and we stayed JUST friends throughout. Although there were some cases in which my male friends developed feelings for me, but I chose to stay friends, as I preferred it that way and I had no feelings for them in return.
I think cross gender friendships are important to have.
It keeps one well rounded in their ability to communicate with people and creates some more understanding between the sexes. Plus they're just really rewarding. Some of the best friends I've had have been male.
These kinds of friendships take maturity, between all parties involved. I wouldn't mind my boyfriend having a good friend who just happened to be female. Not everything has to be about sex.
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