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For the life of me, I've had it with my mother.

She's never truly learned how to leave her parents. I love her to death, I really do, but she has no real knowledge of life or anything about being on your own anymore. She thinks everything is like a game and that things will work out no matter what happens.

She dislikes anime. Well, she thinks some are 'cute' like Chobits, but otherwise she just hates Japan in general. No real reason, just that she thinks it's anti feminism and that it's too stupid for her. Now, here's the thing. She knows I adore it and she knows that without my anime conventions and things like that, online is really all the life I have. Since she's homeschooled me for the end of this year (which she really didn't. I went and learned my own things while she went off and did other s**t. ) my friends haven't kept in that close of a contact with me.

So, today while I'm working on my costumes since I have 1 week before the con, she's busy sorting. I'm ecstatic because she found one of my missing wigs, and I start to help her make some cakes and things like that to show my appreciation because I figure a sweet treat and a break is what she needs. Now, time skip a bit, a few hours later, my wig has disappeared. So I'm getting all huffy because I know it's probably my fault and I'm searching in her room for it. She suddenly out of no where yells viciously at me that she hasn't seen it and even though she picked up my wigs from earlier while I was in the kitchen, that I have no right to harass her about it.'

Now, granted, I didn't say anything back to her except sorry in a hurried way. I didn't say anything to her in the first place but I didn't want to start a fight with her, because it gives me a migraine just thinking about it. She and I are two very different people and I just don't like to have to deal with her practically verbally abusing me most of the time. She doesn't smoke, or drink, or even have sex (let alone know what 'doggy' means.) so she's not bad in that sense. She just hasn't been raised as a parent. Erm, well, here's what she said next to me.

"You're nothing but a whore! You want to run around and have a cute little life. Fine, go live in Japan and be a nasty little slut there and have your precious almighty anime. I'm nothing to you and until you grow out of this fad you're nothing to me. So stay out of my life till you can shape up" Is what she said to me. What, the crap? I seriously did not say anything about Japan. About Anime. About anything that would set her off like that. She then goes into this whole rant about how she's just a scape goat and I use her for everything and that when I'm 18 I should just leave her be to become a miserable old hag, and not that she isn't already.

She does this to me all the time. She can be very sweet about things, then all the sudden ruin things by getting depressed. She needs help. She wont take it. I'm slowly starting to feel real bad about myself because of it. I just want to try and become my own person. She's so clung to me, I'm not allowed to cross the street for grabbing a drink or going to visit the martial arts studio to talk to the master as a mentor. It's so annoying to have to deal with it, but then again, I don't have much choice since I'm not 18 quite yet.

Would you marry me Lumi? Then say this to her face? I swear, if someone else could seriously say that to her and get the point across that she's being a hypocritical racist homophobic b***h, I'd love them. <3


What's worse. Half my family is turkish/iranian. So nyeh... The other half is German, I should add.

I think she needs the therapy. Badly. She has problems with not just me, but other people too, including family.

I'm currently 16, turning 17 on June 27th. I know enough about the laws of emancipation, but the problem is actually trying to find a job. I've tried everywhere that will hire me and I've yet to get a response. As well as my mother won't allow me to learn how to drive, bringing up the insurance and such as the main problem. While I can understand that, she wont listen to me about the good points about my being able to drive.

Are there mint oreos and gummi worms?

Even better Lumi 4laugh



Bahhhh! We had another fight today, this time over packing our condo and such. See, we're also in the process of moving out as fast as we can because mom can't afford to live here anymore. So, in order to be allowed to look for anything (by order of my crazy aunt the realtor) we have to have this place in the best shape possible to start selling.

Well, I've moved around over 15 different times, so I have a certain way of packing. As in no one is around when I do it. I just feel like my mom will demand me to do things a certain way and I can't handle her trying to take control of it and it throws me off completely.

So today she was packing in her room and of course, the computer is in there as well so I'm on here just typing away with my headphones and listening to music. I'm waiting for her to go to work so I can get to work here myself as well as go along with my usual day. Well, she hurts her wrist and still keeps working. I offer her some help as well as pain killers and she says no and continues what she's doing. Then, after a few minutes drops something and I go to pick it up and she bursts out like "Ya know, you only help me when you absolutely have to. It's like I'm the only one who wants to make an effort to leave here and actually have money."

So I got defensive and try to point out I offered earlier as well as I prefer to work alone with my music on and keep to my own habit and she just goes off in a rage for lack of a better word, making rude remarks about things and just blowing up in my face. I finally gave up, shut off the computer and grumpily started to work, angrily and with my door shut mind you.

Later on, about an hour ago, she comes up and hugs me, grinning and acting as if nothing happened. I just sort of grunt and hug her back and make some iced tea then go back to the internet, ignoring my room for the time being.

So, yes, another example of her craziness and Kai's life.

There are more incidents I want to cover. I think I will in another post though. ><

Makes me wanna smack her. I want her to get help, like, badly and the family wont help me much. She never used to be like this way, till the death of her father which was kinda traumatic.

Maybe. I mean, it's just kind of hurtful that she does it, then hugs me like it was nothing, and then she just goes off to work.

I guess I'm a very solitary person in some respects. I don't like to be alone per say, but I like to handle things on my own and I have a lot of emotional hang ups.

Another thing that's been bothering me is the fact that I'm getting over the death of a friend. Though it's been two years, the person is someone who I would have died for and would have started a family with if possible. The anniversary of his death is soon and my mother knows this, however, she never knew him because I never let them really come into contact much. So she doesn't understand much about how hard this is for me and things like that.

I know I'm depressed, but I have people to talk to and share things with, like SCW and my mentor who's nearby. My mom doesn't have any friends or any one she dates, or anything like that. She's always treated me as a best friend and an adult, rather then a child, so I didn't get to grow up like most kids get to. Now a days when I act a bit childish or things like that, she tells me to grow up and quit acting like nothing's wrong. However, I want to have the freedom of being her child rather then her friend.

I would love more then anything to get back onto good terms with her, and we've tried that with each time we move out for the past several years, but it feels like that we've moved on too much and become too different clashing personalities to get alone with each other. I kinda hope that isn't the case.