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I know, I'm an "antisocial" loser with no friends, no need to tell me. ._.
Depressing stuff you don't have to read if you don't feel like it.
I don't believe I've talked about this, but my dad was placed in the hospital after a massive drug overdose (which was possibly a suicide, which is what I believe). He was there for a month, until about two weeks ago. Now he's in a community care center with a bunch of old people.
My dad's kidneys couldn't work on their own for most of the time he was in the hospital. Now they're working okay, but he may have to be back on dialysis in the future, because it's very possible his kidneys will kick out again. He can't walk anymore either, which is one thing he is in rehab for. But for now, he's in a wheelchair.
And only to make matters worse, we found out that his cousin shot himself at the local fairgrounds on Thursday evening. My dad's been really depressed over it lately, and though I only met his cousin a couple times, I'm kind of depressed over it too. I get watery-eyed whenever I think about his wife and kids, who I also met. Though it has been a few years since I've seen them, I remember how nice his wife was and how friendly his kids were--- and now they're alone. On our way to and from the town where the community center is, we have to drive past the fairgrounds. Today on our way there and back, I couldn't help but notice my mom starting to cry a little bit as we drove past.
One thing that's really getting to me is that April 13 will be the one year anniversary of my most beloved grandfather passing away due to cancer. Because my parents split apart when I was 6 months old, my grandpa was basically the only father I really knew. I regret a lot of things, especially not visiting him as much when he was terminal. There were also things I wanted to do together before he died that we never got to do. I miss him every single day and it still hurts a lot, even though we knew for a long time that he was going to die.
My dad's kidneys couldn't work on their own for most of the time he was in the hospital. Now they're working okay, but he may have to be back on dialysis in the future, because it's very possible his kidneys will kick out again. He can't walk anymore either, which is one thing he is in rehab for. But for now, he's in a wheelchair.
And only to make matters worse, we found out that his cousin shot himself at the local fairgrounds on Thursday evening. My dad's been really depressed over it lately, and though I only met his cousin a couple times, I'm kind of depressed over it too. I get watery-eyed whenever I think about his wife and kids, who I also met. Though it has been a few years since I've seen them, I remember how nice his wife was and how friendly his kids were--- and now they're alone. On our way to and from the town where the community center is, we have to drive past the fairgrounds. Today on our way there and back, I couldn't help but notice my mom starting to cry a little bit as we drove past.
One thing that's really getting to me is that April 13 will be the one year anniversary of my most beloved grandfather passing away due to cancer. Because my parents split apart when I was 6 months old, my grandpa was basically the only father I really knew. I regret a lot of things, especially not visiting him as much when he was terminal. There were also things I wanted to do together before he died that we never got to do. I miss him every single day and it still hurts a lot, even though we knew for a long time that he was going to die.
Anyway, I've been giving up on trying to talk to my friends (offline and online) because I feel like I'm just wasting their time. A lot of them are too pre-occupied with themselves to even care about what's going on with me. Are these real friends? If they aren't, then I suppose I don't have friends then, at least not many.
Sometimes I get really pissed off at them. I'll try to get some counseling from them and they'll respond "That sucks..."
I want to rip my hair out and scream "NO s**t IT SUCKS! THAT'S WHY I'M TRYING TO GET SOME ******** HELP!!!!" ><
Yes, I do have a therapst/social worker/psychologist. I don't see her very much though, because she doesn't help a lot either, and I don't know about seeing someone else, because that'd require a lot of money that I don't have.
She basically does the whole "Who do you have to take care of?" thing... expecting the response "Myself" when she's too stupid to realize that having concern for the people I care for is only HUMAN but she gets on me about it. She apparently wants me to be a self centered b***h with no feelings towards others, I suppose.
Anyway, I'm done. Sorry if I wasted anyone's time by causing them to read all of this.
