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 Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 7:03 am
I.Am Personally, I prefer poetry (and music) that can pull it off without poetic devices such as rhymes. Just being poetic based on rhythme. And besides, this isn't a poem, it's a letter. And there is no 97.1 here... sweatdrop poetic devices aren't just rhymes... rhymes are actually the most basic and, in my oppinion, simpleminded. poetic devices include allusions, similies, metaphor. that is what i like- something metaphoric and intellectual, not this "i want to have sex with you" bullshit, which is rarely veiled more than that. and it may be a letter, yes, but it just doesn't pop. it's like saying "i am at war. i am getting shot at. i got shot once, but i got bandaged. i wrote a letter home saying nice things to my family. a bomb went off and i died." it's just not powerful. yes, it's a nice message, but the words lack oomph, they are too simple.
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Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 8:11 am
That poem was very nicely done, it made me bawl. I would love to see that poem on a huge banner somewhere outside every abortion clinic. Make them think about what they are doing.
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Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 8:41 am
divineseraph I.Am Personally, I prefer poetry (and music) that can pull it off without poetic devices such as rhymes. Just being poetic based on rhythme. And besides, this isn't a poem, it's a letter. And there is no 97.1 here... sweatdrop poetic devices aren't just rhymes... rhymes are actually the most basic and, in my oppinion, simpleminded. poetic devices include allusions, similies, metaphor. that is what i like- something metaphoric and intellectual, not this "i want to have sex with you" bullshit, which is rarely veiled more than that. and it may be a letter, yes, but it just doesn't pop. it's like saying "i am at war. i am getting shot at. i got shot once, but i got bandaged. i wrote a letter home saying nice things to my family. a bomb went off and i died." it's just not powerful. yes, it's a nice message, but the words lack oomph, they are too simple. Everyone else who's read it seems to disagree with you. Except, of course, the Pro-Choicers.
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Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 9:08 pm
Personally, I'm not a fan of this kind of stuff.
To me, it's just emotionally cloying, and I don't think it's very well written.
Sorry-- it's the writer in me. I agree with the politics to a point, but I could write a much more elegant and meaningful poem that has something to do with the pro-life movement.
Something along the lines of...
Desperate times, desperate measures.
Caught beneath a bright light,
face to face with your future; the past; the present;
and of course, Right Now.
"This won't hurt a bit.", unless you really think about it.
Unless you realize what they meant to you,
Unless you realize that they were real,
Unless you realize that they're gone because of you,
Then you aren't really a murderer.
He kisses you on the cheek,
fingertips brushing your stomach,
and then... a kick.
But one that's not really there.
Like an amputated leg, you feel for it,
but it's gone, and you push him away,
and feel the color drain from your face.
You did it for him,
but does he even love you?
Or are you really better off alone?
Comments?
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Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 9:10 pm
I'm actually crying.
That's beautiful, McPhee. <3
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Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 9:13 pm
Aw, Ebony.
You're such a sweetie.
That's why I love you. heart
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Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 9:16 pm
@Seraph: Even though the words used to construct that letter are very simply put, I believe that said letter is incredible because of the simplicity. That the plainness in the words is what adds the "oomph". It's basically saying, from a Christian veiwpoint, "This is what abortion is, and what it does to our children."
And even if you're not Christian. I.Am made a very valid point.
Most religious people could replace the name "God" with any other deity they choose.
Anywho, I think it's beautiful and powerful, even though there is no structure or big words involved. It's not like a pop song that you would hear on some teeny bopper radio station, because I hardly doubt you'll hear a pop song that will change your mind or make you cry about one of the greatest injustices the world has ever faced.
But this letter, truly, has. At least for me.
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Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 9:18 pm
divineseraph i dislike it, honestly, becuase it's too simple-minded and uses relatively few, if any poetic devices... i really dislike that about media today... how the songs are about trivial things, and even then they aren't even covered with pretty words, they'r just... talked about. listen to almost any pop song on the radio and listen for metaphor. most of it today is along the lines of "i want to rub my (insert external organ here) on your (insert external organ here), and i wanna kiss you, cuz you're pretty! wooo!" that sort of mindless bullshit makes me angry, more so that it is accepted as entertainment. heres a list of pop songs which help prove my point promiscuous girl
Promiscuous is my JAM, ho.
I think Nelly Furtado is awesome, and I think that that song is actually really clever in the way it's structured and the back and forth dialogue in it.
I'm sorry to veer off-topic, but I will DEFEND that song hardcore.
I loves it.
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Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 9:57 pm
Your poem is wonderfully done, Adrian.
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Posted: Sat Jul 22, 2006 6:55 pm
Mcphee Aw, Ebony.
You're such a sweetie.
That's why I love you. heart Aieee.
4laugh
I love you too, McPhee-Phee.
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Posted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 12:19 pm
I cried so hard it was heartwrenching, and beautiful.
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 4:41 pm
divineseraph I.Am Personally, I prefer poetry (and music) that can pull it off without poetic devices such as rhymes. Just being poetic based on rhythme. And besides, this isn't a poem, it's a letter. And there is no 97.1 here... sweatdrop poetic devices aren't just rhymes... rhymes are actually the most basic and, in my oppinion, simpleminded. poetic devices include allusions, similies, metaphor. that is what i like- something metaphoric and intellectual, not this "i want to have sex with you" bullshit, which is rarely veiled more than that. and it may be a letter, yes, but it just doesn't pop. it's like saying "i am at war. i am getting shot at. i got shot once, but i got bandaged. i wrote a letter home saying nice things to my family. a bomb went off and i died." it's just not powerful. yes, it's a nice message, but the words lack oomph, they are too simple. Well, it is realistic (kind of.) It's supposed to written in the viewpoint of a child, so you can't expect something that's too complicated.
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