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 Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 6:00 pm
Through these broken eyes
I see the pain ive caused you
You say you dont feel anymore
but i can't stop feeling
that ive done this to you.
My heart is broken,
i dont feel it beat,
it is silent in the night.
My broken eyes see the truth,
i have screwed up my life,
I took my hopes n dreams
and casted them aside.
But now i see through these broken eyes.
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Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 7:45 pm
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Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 8:12 pm
Nothing new or exciting. A little bland, actually.
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Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 9:18 pm
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Posted: Mon May 08, 2006 9:43 pm
Is it a poem? Or lyrics?
Either way, it's a bit standard for music today or teenage emo poetry; try choosing your words more carefully. And, unless you mean to emphasize the capitalized words, keep your capitalization consistent. It's a start.
Keep working at it; one can always improve.
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 11:55 am
Yeah, kinda boring to read, probly done a bit too many times with the broken heart stuff. Also I was reading it and it's all emo and kinda fits until "I have screwed up my life" .. too.. forward to me..
Keep practicing, you'll get better.
Simon: "You need a lot of work until it is even considerable to read."
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Posted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 6:35 pm
I suppose commenting on this is a bit redundant since I already saw it at school but, yeah, it's standard. However, I love it because it's a nice change to see you writing poetry ^-^; and to know that it's about me is nice to ^-^;
At least I'm 99.9% sure it's about me.
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