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WHOO MY LAHARL SPOOF

jgkjghjgghjguhhuoilkjkljl

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Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 2:38 pm

this will prob suck but this is at a thieves perspectiv

Chap 1
The Thieves Guild
Wow I never thought the thives guild was so dark. Oh shut up Relo im an acolyte how am i suposed to feel?! Heh sry Jez, I said not seeing the the familiar in my face. ACK EWWW KILL IT RELO KILL IT! *Sweat* ooook fine *swings blade quickly and cuts its wing off* Neat. EWWWW!!!! Calm jez. eww eww eww. calm down jezzele. Jezzele looks mortified at the sight of the bat on the ground. Hey look another thief lets say hi. *10 min later* okay see you later. eww i can still see that poor bat. *sweat* YOU TOLD ME TO KILL IT! well you made it too bloody next time make it not bleed so much. YES MA'AM I am at your service. Realy!?... no. Awwww ok can u hand me some milk? Sure hold on.... OMG THAT THIEF TOOK OUR STUFF JEZ! Stoopid thiefs.

Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 2:59 pm

READ ME!!!!!!!!!

jgkjghjgghjguhhuoilkjkljl

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GoldDiggingWhore
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Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 3:02 pm

I would probably say that it would read better if it all wasn't one paragraph...aside from that, it kinda reminds me a little of the style of the Zelda parody I was in.

Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 3:08 pm

its a practice to see if i got GOOD feedbk

jgkjghjgghjguhhuoilkjkljl

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ED913

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Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 3:20 pm

work on the formating so its better to understand

Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 3:20 pm

ok thx

jgkjghjgghjguhhuoilkjkljl

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TJ_Jaganshi
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7,950 Points

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Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 3:33 pm

I don't know. It seems a little childish to me. I usually criticize Laharil for his stories, and his are really good. This is a little eh. (wow I can actually be mean? eek )

Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 6:55 pm

Was that supposed to be legible? stare

ShadowedMoonlight

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Jensran

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Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 8:14 pm

You're lucky deno hasn't seen this yet...

I think.

Posted: Thu Apr 27, 2006 8:27 pm

I could probably edit the format so it'd read easier. Probably.

GoldDiggingWhore
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Raspberry Lime

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Posted: Sat Apr 29, 2006 6:34 am

Must...Not...A...Splode...

It was interesting in its own sort of way, but I know that you could do better.

I even tore apart Laharil's style (but in a nice way), so don't expect anything else good from me here.

Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 1:56 pm

you know i tried and well u went off on me well aparently i cant do anything right

jgkjghjgghjguhhuoilkjkljl

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GoldDiggingWhore
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Posted: Wed May 03, 2006 2:10 pm

I AM STILL YOUR EDITOR, DAMMIT!

Chap 1
The Thieves Guild

"Wow, I never thought the thieves guild was so dark."

"Oh shut up Relo. I'm an acolyte, how am I supposed to feel?!"

"Heh, sorry Jez," I said not seeing the the familiar in my face.

"ACK EWWW KILL IT RELO KILL IT!" A large bead of sweat formed on my head.

"Ooook, fine." I swung me blade quickly and cuts its wing off. "Neat."

"EWWWW!!!!"

"Calm Jez."

"Eww eww eww."

"Calm down Jezzele." Jezzele looks mortified at the sight of the bat on the ground. "Hey look another thief. Let's say hi."

Ten minutes later...

"Okay see you later."

"Eww, I can still see that poor bat." I felt the bead of sweat return.

"YOU TOLD ME TO KILL IT!"

"Well you made it too bloody. Next time make it not bleed so much."

"YES MA'AM, I am at your service."

"Really!?"

"... no."

"Awwww...ok can you hand me some milk?"

"Sure hold on.... OMG THAT THIEF TOOK OUR STUFF JEZ!"

"Stupid thieves."

Posted: Thu May 04, 2006 3:53 am

mrgreen

Raspberry Lime

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