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 Posted: Tue Apr 25, 2006 8:46 pm
I often find myself in charge of other people's children, or in cases with my family where they assume I know what to do with them. Which allways leads me to a problem:
How far can I take over?
I realize this is different for every parent. And when i have the option to I ask them directly what punishments they find work when the child is misbehaiving and what do they just not want me to do.
However, with my cousins expecting me to just take over their parenting because everyone else does, or cases when I'm in a large group of children and don't get a chance to ask the parents on these things, I'd like to have a fairly "safe" standard to fall back on.
So I figured I'd ask what you guys thought. X3
How far do you think the babysitter can go in taking over your parenting?
And because I'm sure it will come up, the one thing I'm sure of not doing is spanking the child without the parents telling me to previously. So you don't need to mention that one. XD
Thankyou~
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Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 7:49 am
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 10:02 am
First off I have to say, that I have always been told to NEVER smack a childs hands as the bones in their hands are so fragile that even a small smack can break them! With that being said, I agree that time outs are the only way! I think one should NEVER hit a child. My husband and I were raised completely different, his parents did not belive in spankings, mine did, I lived in constant fear of my parents and resent them for using physical force with me! My husband's parents used time outs and speaking, taken things away from him, he learned and although he was a handful child, he grew up to be a very respectful and decent person.
As far as babysitters, I'm not sure there is much right or room for punishment. Yes you don't want the children to walk all over you, but remember that you are not their parent, discipline is their responsibility, not yours. If it were me, I'd deal with the situation and have them do a time out , like Munky said, sitting on the stairs, not somewhere fun like their room that is full of their toys!! However and some may not agree with me on this but, depending on the child, if they are an introvert you can send them out and they HAVE TO PLAY with other children. (This will really punish an introverted child because they like to be alone!!) and if the child is an extrovert, send them to play by themselves, this will punish them because they like to play with other children!! Lol. It works it really does!
Well I'm not really sure I answered the question but at least I put it out there! Ya know what I mean! lol
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Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 12:19 pm
Thankyou, both of you. ^__^
Timeouts are good... And that makes alot of sense.
What about when they're misbehaiving so bad that you can't jsut tell them to go to time out?
I've had one child come into the service in the church who refused everything. She seemed very spoiled simply because the fact they made her older sister come in to the class because she would throw tantrums without her. Like she was her favorite toy. XD
She basically stuffed herself inside the playpin yelling and and telling me no. I would have just let her stay in here, however I needed to get her bracelet on her, which we HAVE to put on for the child's safety. (We number them, and parents have matching numbers so that only a person with the number can pick them up. Prevents kidnappings at other really bad things.) I tried explaining it to her, but again she'd just tell me no. I tried the "They're fun stickers! see! fun" thing. Again. Nothing. Even ehr sister tried.
Eventually I had to go in after her and pull her out. I wasn't forceful, i didn't have to be because she was around 3 and it was very easy to pick her up.
Immediatly she started throwing a fit, kicking and screaming. Her sister stepped in then (about 6 years old) and took her to try and calm her down. Only making it worse(in my opinion) by insulting me. Basically told the toddler I was stupid and that she didn't need to do it.
I pretty much just stared at them dumbfounded that she'd simply call me stupid so openly.(My parents would have eaten me alive XD) And trying to think of a nice, calm way to explain to this child that I was not stupid and she did need to do it.
Which I did manage, I firmly and softly said "No, she needs to put it on for her own safety."
Luckally for me the parent came back and took her with her before the service started, sicne she was still throwing a tanturm.
I had no idea what I would have done with her doing all that amongst 6 or 7 other children.
Any advice for kids like that? XD or am I pretty much doomed?
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Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 2:50 pm
I am not an expert, but here are my thoughts. In the absence of any permission to punish the children I would say the best thing is just to let the child know that you WILL tell their parents everything they do. The children should know what kind of punsihment they can expect from their parents. That said you definitely have to refrain a child from doing anything deangerous or destructive. I think that the most important thing is that the parents let their children know that you are in charge. I remeber as an older child babysitting my younger sisters. I faced the infamous "you're not the parent" argument when I tried to enforce my authority. If you expect trouble make sure you know that the PARENTS have told the child that YOU are in charge and that THEY will respect your authority and stand by the decisions you make.
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Posted: Wed Apr 26, 2006 3:16 pm
In your case Arafel, I would have taken the child straight back to the parents and told them exactly what was going on! You don't have to deal with that! They do!! In that position your hands are pretty well tied!
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Posted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 4:07 pm
Whenever I have a relative or babysitter look after my child, I ask them to take note of his behavior and give me a progress report when I get home. Then, I punish him accordingly. Of course, I first brief the child and let him know what's going on so he'll have the mind to behave, and usually he does.
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Posted: Thu Sep 21, 2006 8:42 am
Well, I don't know if this will help any or not since it seems that you're talking about a younger age group than what I typically deal with because I work for the boys and girls club where everyone there is 6-18 years old. Basically, the only thing we can really do is time out and write ups if the offense was worse than time out alone could solve. The general rule for time outs, though, is 1 minute per their year of age. Anything beyond that and they have completely forgotten why they're there in the first place. sitting still for 2 minutes is like an eternity for a 2 year old, and the same goes for 7 minutes for a 7 year old. But really try to focus more on the time right before time out and right after... those are when you're supposed to squat down to their level and have a quiet chat about why they are going to/were in time out and what better choices they could make in the future. Some of that will probably go over a 2 year old's head, but I'm sure you can think of something to say to encourage the good behavior.
The main things that we are told NOT to do is:
- yell at the child (they will equal your force and fight back with yelling)
- publicly humiliate them in front of their peers (they will see you as unjust)
- face them towards the corner or facing the wall (they need to see what they are missing out on while in time out)
- sit them in time out for more than their age (no child should ever sit more than 20 minutes!)
- use timeout as a jail sentence with no constructive counseling upon entering and exiting (they're too young to just be learning how to "serve time" They'll keep acting up if they know they just have to sit for x amount of time and then they'll be able to get up again)
In the event that we need to physically restrain a child because of violence, we are to take them by the shoulders with open hands... never wrapping the fingers around because then they can (and often do) "cry wolf" that you "abused them". Anyway, that's all the advice that I really have.
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