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 Posted: Mon Apr 17, 2006 10:22 pm
I know, I know. That sounded like whining. But I didnt know how else to put it.
To put it bluntly, my family refuses to comprehend that I am in fact almost 20, not 9. They also refuse to comprehend the real me. For some unknown reason my grandmother told my entire family I had a 4.0 in high school and I was going to a big prestige college.
First of all, I had average grades in school. Second of all, I really don't want to go to college and if I did it would just be to a community college.
Another thing, I have no idea where they got this but half of them think I hate babies. I have no idea how this came to be. I love kids. I want kids.
Which brings me to the second point of this post. My fiance and I want kids, so after we get married we dont' want to wait long at all. My family wants me to have kids when I'm 30. I keep telling them I want them sooner. But they tell me I'm "Not allowed to have sex" >>
I really don't know what to do about them. I'm an adult and I don't want to sound babish to them, but this has got to stop.
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Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2006 2:33 pm
Wow, that's a lot of odd things going on. Do you still live at home? I've noticed that living at home makes things weird because while you're legally an adult, you aren't really a functioning adult yet [if that makes sense -sweat-] and it makes it harder for parents to make the transition from seeing you as a child to seeing you as being older and mature and able to take care of yourself. Now if you're moved out, just toss all I just said out the window and I'll admit I'm stumped.
Have you tried talking to them about this? Like your grandmother for example? It seems odd she'd lie like that and maybe someone else told her these things and she doesn't know the fact of the matter. I honestly can't see what she has to gain by lying unless she's embarrassed and in that case, you should be talking to her anyway and let her know you don't appreciate her doing so.
As for the other stuff about after you're married, politely but firmly tell them it's your life and really not their concern. You appreciate that they want to give you advice, but unless you ask for it, they don't need to be giving it.
I know this is a little rough and short, but without more details, I'm just kinda going out on a limb. I hope in some way it helped, if not, don't mind me.
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Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2006 7:28 pm
I agree with what Pirate says. Parents have a hard time differentiating between older and older/living your own life, especially if you still live at home.
Heck, I don't live at home and it feels like sometimes my mom does it. But I heart her anyways.
I'd say just be firm and stand up for yourself. if they blatantly treat yo like a little kid then tell them you don't appreciate it. But be careful how you say it.....words can hurt when people don't mean to hurt you. Your family may not even consciously realize they're doing it.
As for the smaller things, when college gets brought up make a point to tell them you'er not really interested in college but that if you decided to go it wuld only be to a community one. Same thing with kids, when the subject is brought up make a point to state that you and your fiancee are looking forward to starting a family of your own soon.
As for the "sex" problem, I think that's one you sjust have to deal with. My parents are very over-protective and while they comprehend that I'm married with a child on the way, they make it very obvious that my husband had better not "defile" (sp?) their baby girl. Even though they don't mean it, they're just still have that attitude a bit. But they're getting over it. ^_^
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Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2006 7:45 pm
See, I attempt to tell them these things, but it goes over their heads.
My grandmother told people about the "so-called" 4.0 because when I was like (like 3rd grade or so) I had straight A's.
I try to tell them. I told my grandparents I didnt appreciate being baby talked to or told to "Turn off the scary movie (it was Beetlejuice >>), or you might have nightmareS", they stopped for about two days.
I also think that some of my family dislikes my fiance' because of him being half Korean.
But thats a differnet issue.
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Posted: Thu Apr 20, 2006 7:47 am
I think something you really need to do is sit down with your family, and discuss why your feeling this way and how you want it to change.
You need to tell them, that if before you are 30, you and your fiance, decide to have children, then that is your decision not theirs as to when, and though you appriciate their advice, they have crossed the line. If they are having trouble letting go of the fact that you are grown, and no longer a child, it may help to suggest that they go see someone about trusting that they have raised a well rounded contributing member of society, and they didnt raise you to adult to treat you like a child.
The best thing right now for you would be to talk it out with them, sit down, dont let the discussion get heated into an arguement, if any side raises voices, tell them to hold up, but the conversation on hold for 15 minutes, and come back clear headed to continue to put the message across to them.
#1 as well, you need to listen to them, and WHY they are saying these things and being so protective, dont object to what they are telling you, listen to them through, then expect them to do the same for you.
I hope this helps.
Gentleflame
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Posted: Sun Oct 15, 2006 12:40 pm
God I have a fair idea how you feel. I'm a 'shame upon the family' as it were. My mum has flat out forbidden me from telling my grandma that I shaved all my hair off. I MUST remove all piecings when any family come over, and I MUST wear clothes to cover all my tattoos. When me and my partner got engaged no-one in my mothers, fathers, or stepdads family even said 'congratulations'. My stepmums mother sent us a card though. For the longest time when I was pregnant with Callum family weren't to know. In fact, I don't think any family got told (mostly on my mothers side) untill after callum was born.
It's funny, I got kicked out of home when I was 16 yet she still tries to control my life and make me feel guilty.
It sounds stupid, but I'm absolutly shitting bricks about telling her I'm pregnant again. Definatly an over-the-phone job.
It's hard standing up to someone who's so over bearing isn't it?
I suggest you talk to them, preferably out for a meal or something so not too much of a scene can be made in public. It's really hard to prove yourself to your parents, but I'm sure you can do it.
One key element is to really believe in what your talking about. Parents can sense doubt a mile off. Ifyou really truly believe in yourself, your ability to have children younger etc you must show them that conviction.
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Posted: Wed Nov 15, 2006 6:17 pm
I know this all to well.. Im 21 years old and have a 14 mounth old baby.. my step dad still treats me like im a child and it starting to really get on my nerves
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