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 Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 4:21 pm
I didn't really know where to go, so I figure I didn't join this guild to just read older posts...
Recently I've been feeling an extreme phobia of going outside around town with my friends, because I'm gay. It's not a huge secret, but it's not blatant to everyone. I usually act demure, and don't say much. I don't know if it's weather I'm shy, or egotistical, or what.
Whenever a car drives by and screams "f**" or my Lesbian friends get weird looks or gestures from outspoken people, I always contemplate on it to an unhealthy amount, as to why these people suck so hard or why someone would ever feel the need to say something like that to people who aren't even remotely hurting them in any way. Sometimes at the spurr of the moment I feel the need to give the finger or tell someone to shut the ******** up, or ******** off, or something; But i'm kind of puny, and whenever someone larger/older than me says something like that, My entire frame does this sort of... freeze thing, and feel like I've just been punched in the stomach by just a simple couple of sentances or even just two simple words; ******** fags. I'd hate to see the way I react when physical contact is involved.
My phobia really started when I had gym my first and second semester, and a few guys [in the changing room, where no teachers are no doubt] taught the special ed student to scream f*****t at me and my friend, Chris, who is a bit more obviously gay. He ignored it because he goes through these things much more than I, because I don't really stand out in school, and I actually ended up talking to a teacher about it, who I told I didn't want to go to the dean about it and just let my feelings out, but she persisted further.
So I eventually did, reluctantly.
I've become cynical of people over the past two years, and I'm tired of walking from point A to point B in downtown with my friends, who are totally fine with where they are and who they are with, and making me feel ashamed of who they are, what I should openly support, and even who I am.
So if anyone had some experiences, explanations or advice for me, I'd so amazingly appreciate it.
---
PS;
Hi again gay guild... Sorry that was so long. sweatdrop
This used to be MaiKun, but my name changed. Whee.
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Posted: Fri Apr 14, 2006 12:35 am
I've had a few small encounters with such things myself.
If it occurs at school, the best course of action is to involve the authorities because hazing is illegal. An argument against going to the school authorities is that it will make the people tormenting you worse--but it may solve the problem. Simply putting up with it may prove to yourself that you can take it, but it won't prove anything to the agressors except that they need to try harder to get a rise out of you. The fear that the problems will get worse if the authorities are involved keeps so many victims of harrassment and violence from protecting themselves from further harm, and it is an impression that agressors cultivate in order to protect themselves and keep their victims on the defensive.
If you don't feel safe walking around town, but you still want to spend time with your friends in town--make sure you are with your friends. There is safety and also anonymity in numbers; that's why aggressors often travel in packs. You don't have to be ashamed of yourself, you have the power to stand up for yourself, you have the power to stand up for your friends, you have the power to just brush it off and walk on and enjoy your day. If your town isn't safe, take steps to make it safe. You may not be able to do anything about individuals, but there are things you can do for the atmosphere. Are you a member of your local alliance group? You may not be one to get involved in organizations, but it might be wise to be aware of them. Write to your town officials alerting them to the problems--if they're worth their salt at all, they'll want their town to be safe for every resident.
There are a ton of things you can do. Even something as simple as telling yourself that you're worth it every day can go a long way. Hang in there. heart
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Posted: Fri Apr 14, 2006 9:04 pm
*Hugs both of you*
That happens to me too. Poeple will drive by and yell, "f**!". Or something equally pedantic and over used. And I'll just pretend that they didn't say it. (I've gotten good at that.)
Thing is. I live in a town of 900 people. So. Everyone knows I'm a homo after I tell the first person so. I'm the town homo. (Hopefully moving to Calgary!)
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Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2006 2:26 am
Hey, MaiKun.
First of all -- *hugs*
Sorry I didn't respond earlier. I've been kinda crazy, and I actually wanted to put some thought into responding to this.
What happened when you went to the dean? Did anything happen? Because if the school isn't doing anything, that's a(nother) problem.
You have no reason to feel ashamed, either for who you are or how these people make you feel. If people are saying hurtful and threatening things to you, it is completely natural that you would feel scared and upset. It doesn't make you aren't a strong or worthwhile person. If other people can brush it off, they're not you (and they're not me, either).
What TheDisDog said about safety in numbers is true. Actually, his (?prefered pronoun?) whole post is right on the money.
There are a ton of things you can do. It's difficult to give more specific advice without more specific information. For all that it's worth, know unquestionably that you have our support.
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Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2006 5:55 am
*Returns the hugs.*
Thanks for your comments, everyone. They've helped.
Strength in numbers is true. Other groups of people usually step off when I have people around me. Sad to think we're all territorial animals, but that's a different insight not too relevant. <_<
And to answer Astri's question, that whole experience was just really... A hassel with no real output.
The head dean for my grade had me write out the whole thing on paper; and one day I see the dean in the gym class adressing the gym teacher and the special ed assistant who works with that kid. I didn't even want to imagine my gym teacher finding out I'm gay, but I asked them to leave it anonymous. The kids stopped for several days, and later- A kid LEFT the gym class because he didn't want to get changed infront of a f**- Chris, and our GSA pondered how he could change his classes based upon that reason. Hm.
I'm not stressed about that, so I'm not gonna dwell on it anymore. But that's the whole deal. x_x;
I guessed you're all right about working on just ignoring it. I gets a laugh out of them for a split second, but if you don't react much they really don't have much to talk about. If I flip them the bird, then there's something to work on and keep coming back until I lose my patience...
Thank you again, all. whee I'll try to keep contributing to this guild.
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Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2006 6:04 pm
Un.defined *Hugs both of you* That happens to me too. Poeple will drive by and yell, "f**!". Or something equally pedantic and over used. And I'll just pretend that they didn't say it. (I've gotten good at that.) Thing is. I live in a town of 900 people. So. Everyone knows I'm a homo after I tell the first person so. I'm the town homo. (Hopefully moving to Calgary!) The one that had the most impact on me was I was walking back to my dorm one night and these guys drove by in their car and dumped their soda on me, with a "DYKE!" as they zoomed away. I was not a happy Dog. Astri Actually, his (?prefered pronoun?) whole post is right on the money. Yes, good job. 3nodding Remember Paracket, you have your friends, and you have all of us supporting you the best we can given the distances involved.
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