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There is much more than being a good parent to raising kids. You need to be able to support your child financially as well. You'll need to be able to pay medical bills, for food, for clothing, diapers, for your food, for your clothing and for your medical bills.

Did you know it costs well over 3000 just to deliver a baby? This doesn't add in things such as the baby needing critical help, if something happens to you, or if the baby needs extra attention in certain areas.

Part of being a good parent is being able to provide a shelter, food, clothing, and so on. It's not as easy as you may think it to be. Maybe you should take a step back and see where you are in life right now.

Do not try to force him into wanting a child right now. You could potentially push him away and end your relationship.

There's still emotional maturity and other things to consider. What about post-partum depression or other problems that might arise? What about getting a good education and being able to have a decent job that will bring money to support the child?

Or maybe above all else, what about waiting until you're older so your child doesn't grow up asking why you had them at 18 or 19 or whatever?

What about family support? Will your parents and his parents support you two deciding to have a baby? Would they help out financially?

I'm going through this with my boyfriend really badly right now. I have huge maternal urges - He knows it and I know it. However due to financial costs and the fact he's just about to head into university (I'm 19, almost 20, and he's already 20), so having a baby would complicate things. I'd also like to not be a statistic, so when I am older and am better prepared to have children, I can tell my child that I waited until I was mentally, financially and educationally prepared to have them.

And again as Yi Min said, don't force him to have a baby if he's not even ready to commit. Getting a promise ring and actually being married are two very different things. If he's comfortable with how things are now, and he's not really ready to commit, why pressure him or push for things to change?
Otherwise, you risk pushing him away if you get pregnant, especially if he doesn't see things the way you do and ends up deciding he wants out.

both families are more than willing to help out. we've been given a house to live in and everything else once we're married. He wants to marry me, and he wants kids, hes just scared to do it right now because his dad left his mom, and hes never had a girlfriend before so I understand his insecurities there. I understand how he feels, but he doesnt understand how I feel. He doesnt even try. He tells his friends and all he wants these things, but when I say anything he gets all defensive and ignores me or gets upset.

I agree. smile Good advice.

You have no right to force a child onto someone who doesn't want one (by choice, I'm not talking accidental pregnancy here). If he doesn't feel ready for a child, respect that.

If you want to have a child more than you want to be with him, leave him and find someone more willing to accomodate your needs. Or visit a sperm donor.

If you want to be with him more than you want a child RIGHT NOW, just wait. You are still incredibly young, there will be plenty of time for a family. There's no reason to go rushing into having kids. Enjoy your time together, let him feel more comfortable with himself first.

Your alternative is to talk to him. Explain to him that you think he would be an excellent parent. You could also go to classes for would-be parents (churches often offer seminars, other community places sometimes do as well). I know at my city hall, there's a huge wall of brochures with names like "are you ready for a child?" Buy some books about raising kids and ask him to read them. These types of gestures a) show that you are serious, b) show that you are mature enough to do your research, and c) may help to make him feel more confident.

Why do you want a child NOW? What do you think you will get from a family at 18 that you won't at 21, 25, or 30? If you figure out why it is so important that you have a family right now, you will better be able to present your case in a way that makes sense to him.


This is a big problem. If the two of you aren't communicating properly, that can put a huge wedge into a relationship. Work this out before you even THINK about putting another aspect to your relationship (especially one as big as having kids).

just my PERSONAL opinion. But I wouldn't go and get pregnant on purpose unless you're married witha stable life style for well over a year sweety. I'm the same age as you. I just turned 19 in jan, I got pregnant in Nov. Yes it's our fault it happened. and NO we're not ready, but we are keeping it. Our baby isnt going to have anywhere near as good of a life as she should because we messed up. If I had been planning to get pregnant I garentee I'd have been maried for over a year, had a good stable job and everything, but this wasn't planned. Think about it, what happens if you two break up? what if you guys can't handel it? is that fair to the kid? my mother got pregnant at 19 and guess what. I may know who the father is but I've never met him, thast had a big impact on me. I have 2 half sisters and a step brotehr too. we have a very broken family and I doubt you want that fo your kid but unfortunately thats usually what happens when you have a kid so young.