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 Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2005 11:29 am
Alright so my problem is this.
over christmas vacation my friend Ashley decided to move from middle of nowhere canada to south dakota to be with her 26 year old boyfriend (she is turning 18 this october) and of course i was greatly opposed to this
she dropped out of school for this b*****d, and he started using her for sex, i saw all the signs and she's in denial.
then when i opened her eyes to this he cut off all her communication to the outside world. she wasnt allowed to leave the apartment, use the phone unless it was her mom calling her, she wasnt allowed on the computer except when he was right there and making sure she wasnt going anywhere but on neopets and checking her emails, but not responding to any.
finally she confronted him about this and he said that if she left him he'd kill her.
so.. she didnt leave him
she slowly was allowed to communicate with all of her friends again including me. and she told me that he started mentally abusing her and threatening to physically abuse her i told her that leaving him was the best solution..
so that night she talked with him and he convinced her that he was doing all of this out of love because he loves her
(personally i think he just doesnt want to lose his sextoy)
so.. she stayed with him and called me a horrible friend and an immature b***h for not 'accepting their love'
stare
so. i got this email yesterday that she sent me on tuesday saying that before she moves back up to canada she wants to come down to where i live and see me to 'make things right' and that she left on wednesday.
what bugs me about this is, i changed my email address, i blocked her screen names from my old screennames and my new ones as well, so she got a new email and found my new email so that she can bug me.
she used to be my best friend and our friendship was totally a one way path. all her. i would advise she would say fawk off youre wrong. id end up being right and she;d get all pissy
frankly i hate the b***h and im done with her
but she said she is going to show up sometime this weekend. so im freaking out.
what the hell am i going to do about this?
thank you in advance for the advice
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Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2005 11:57 am
Hmm...that's quite the predicament you're in. Y'see, I have this way of thinking of friends *and this comes from dealing with a few complicated situations with a few of my friends*....there are some friends who are open minded, who want to hear what you say and will actually take your advice to heart...then there are friends who will ask your advice, but in actuality all they want is for you to tell them what THEY want to hear, and when you tell them truthfully how you feel, they get defensive and tell you that you're not a good friend. Personally I would appreciate a truthful/insightful response than a lie, but not everyone works that way.
When she comes to visit you, tell her that you feel very hurt, that what you said wasn't out of jealousy or anger, that you were genuinely concerned about her, and the fact that she would turn her back on you and insult you and go back to her CLEARLY abusive boyfriend has made you realize that you are not willing to constantly be pushed away every time you are asked for advice. Let her know that you can't trust her anymore, and that it may take a long time before you can ever have that closeness you once had, if at all. Don't attack her, be very calm in how you tell her. Then...just take things from there.
Good luck to ya hon heart
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Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2005 11:59 am
Hmmmm, well, just try to talk it out with her first, if you really dont care about her then it wont matter what she does but if you do care then youll have to confront the issue at hand and do your best to work it out. PM or IM me if you need to talk about it, Im here to help
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Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2005 2:43 pm
Tessiebean Hmm...that's quite the predicament you're in. Y'see, I have this way of thinking of friends *and this comes from dealing with a few complicated situations with a few of my friends*....there are some friends who are open minded, who want to hear what you say and will actually take your advice to heart...then there are friends who will ask your advice, but in actuality all they want is for you to tell them what THEY want to hear, and when you tell them truthfully how you feel, they get defensive and tell you that you're not a good friend. Personally I would appreciate a truthful/insightful response than a lie, but not everyone works that way. When she comes to visit you, tell her that you feel very hurt, that what you said wasn't out of jealousy or anger, that you were genuinely concerned about her, and the fact that she would turn her back on you and insult you and go back to her CLEARLY abusive boyfriend has made you realize that you are not willing to constantly be pushed away every time you are asked for advice. Let her know that you can't trust her anymore, and that it may take a long time before you can ever have that closeness you once had, if at all. Don't attack her, be very calm in how you tell her. Then...just take things from there. Good luck to ya hon heart I agree. Basically you have to figure out weither or not you really care enough to put up with her crap. If you do...go and see her and try to make things more fair between the two of you. If you don't then call her and tell her you'd rather not meet with her and why. Good luck with whatever you chose. 3nodding
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Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2005 2:50 pm
Jinnari Tessiebean Hmm...that's quite the predicament you're in. Y'see, I have this way of thinking of friends *and this comes from dealing with a few complicated situations with a few of my friends*....there are some friends who are open minded, who want to hear what you say and will actually take your advice to heart...then there are friends who will ask your advice, but in actuality all they want is for you to tell them what THEY want to hear, and when you tell them truthfully how you feel, they get defensive and tell you that you're not a good friend. Personally I would appreciate a truthful/insightful response than a lie, but not everyone works that way. When she comes to visit you, tell her that you feel very hurt, that what you said wasn't out of jealousy or anger, that you were genuinely concerned about her, and the fact that she would turn her back on you and insult you and go back to her CLEARLY abusive boyfriend has made you realize that you are not willing to constantly be pushed away every time you are asked for advice. Let her know that you can't trust her anymore, and that it may take a long time before you can ever have that closeness you once had, if at all. Don't attack her, be very calm in how you tell her. Then...just take things from there. Good luck to ya hon heart I agree. Basically you have to figure out weither or not you really care enough to put up with her crap. If you do...go and see her and try to make things more fair between the two of you. If you don't then call her and tell her you'd rather not meet with her and why. Good luck with whatever you chose. 3nodding Indeed. From what you said, her boyfriend mentally abused her. My appologies if I misread, but what if he somehow brainwashed her to believe you are a terrible friend? If she is through seeing this guy, then you could still be friends with her. I say: let her talk to you. Then tell her how you feel. Then let her tell you how you feel. If you two dicuss the situation, there is a chance you will friends once more.
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Posted: Thu Mar 03, 2005 7:39 pm
Amy!!! heart I have been in that situation before though I lived with the happy couple because I was an idiot. I took off, away from them and never looked back. If worse comes to worse you can always give her the finger and close the door in her face. Really it's up to you hon.
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Posted: Fri Mar 04, 2005 11:17 am
Peach Girl Momo Adachi Amy!!! heart I have been in that situation before though I lived with the happy couple because I was an idiot. I took off, away from them and never looked back. If worse comes to worse you can always give her the finger and close the door in her face. Really it's up to you hon.
because i want to see her because i miss being her friend, but then again i dont because she is an effing idiot.
its really pissing me off. and now Ragnar and i have been fighting over it. and .. that makes me all depressed and upset
-.-;;; i really hope she never shows.
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Posted: Mon Mar 07, 2005 3:40 am
She needs you more then ever right now. Just be there for her. Even though her ignorance is not allowing her to see the truth. Do not allow that guy to know where you live. He may come after you if your friend leaves him. This you should not meet him either. I think that if your friend brings him to your house. and if she leaves him, She will probably go to you for help.. well then he'll know your and where you live, come after you.
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Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2005 10:10 am
yeeaaah, she never showed.
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Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2005 5:47 pm
The_Irkin_Army yeeaaah, she never showed. That whore. >_> <_< Actually, I guess that's a good thing... though it's too bad you had to get all worked up over nothing. Maybe she's laying in a ditch somewhere with a bullet between her eyes--- I mean... maybe she's at home now. n_n
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Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2005 8:24 pm
O_O You should have called the police! If your friend runs from school to stay with an older guy, theres no much you can do. But if he's keeping her against her will, and threatening her, you or her mother should call the police!!!
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Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2005 8:29 pm
DwarfPriest O_O You should have called the police! If your friend runs from school to stay with an older guy, theres no much you can do. But if he's keeping her against her will, and threatening her, you or her mother should call the police!!! Now, why didn't I think of that? The Priest is right. Whether or not your friend is no longer your friend is relevent in that situation. People should not force other people into doing something they do not want to do. Here is the kicker: If friendship did not matter, would you still save someone? I have many enemies- too many to count. I plot their downfall everytime I see them. Still, if they were in danger, I would help them. They are living creatures- good or bad does not matter. Besides, you can just bitchslap her afterwards. ninja Seriously, though, I know I am not that important, but still at least consider all options.
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Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2005 7:48 am
Now, some serious advice: If you really want to help her, here's what you need to do:
First, controling your friend's access to information and keeping her from leaving constitutes kidnapping, and he can go to jail. Even if she likes (loves?) him, and want to stay with him, she must have freedom to talk to whoever she wants and be able to leave whenever she wants.
Second, dont tell her anything. Why? If that jerk actualy controls her comunication, theres a chance he checks her email and chat/instant messages, and he may hurt her.
If you know where they are living, you can call the police and explain it all as an anonimous source. If you have a way to contact her mother, you should talk to her first.
You can get a judicial order (sp?) from a lawer or judge, where the guy is forbid from getting near you or your friends. That wont really keep him away, but you can call the cops whenever he dares to get too near...
Sorry... that kind of crap really upsets me...
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