It wasn’t just his idea.
He remembered they had talked about it at length, detailing the ins and outs of how it would play out. Who would do what? When? He remembered their chatter, like that of the crows who huddled overhead, clicking their beaks together in excitement when a new act would come into play. “A murder!” one of his siblings had said aloud, letting a silence fall like a fresh blanket of white snow before the trio spiraled into laughter.
The snow that scattered at his feet blushed a bright pink as the young male plunged his head below the surface of the frigid lake for the fourth time, eyes aching as they stared into the depth unblinking...
No, wait. they had joked about it. But that was like a discussion, as a good as any, and he knew that beneath the surface of their jest, there was hope. Bubbling, boiling, desperate hope. They wanted it just as badly as he wanted it.
...He pushed himself to the point of numbness. The cold came and went followed by the steady crescendo of a ringing in his ears. Then to the point of drowning. It was only when he was involuntarily forced to rise did Ivory draw up and out, filling his lungs deeply. Perhaps the ice blue fire of pneumonia would settle in and put an end to the war waged in his mind and heart...
No… no that wasn’t right either. He had thought to have the conversation with them. He had thought to approach them with oh so many words as ‘enough is enough’ but had never gotten around to it. The intention was what mattered. Or maybe it was just that he had imagined an agreement and that was enough.
...But death would mean a reunion in the pits of whatever void Cloud found himself in and that... that seemed far worse than any torture left here in the waking life. Several heavy breaths sent clouds from his mouth, then his nose, then his mouth again as the dryness in his throat persisted. No amount of water could quench him. Peering into the quieting surface of the lake Ivory felt a chill roll down his spine, served up by the reality of his condition. The reflection did not waver when he peered into the eyes of a horribly gnarled face. The reflection did not waver when his jaw unhinged and the shade looking back at him did the same, only with a jaw that barely clung to the tendons it once used. The reflection was no longer pale like the ivory he was named after but, instead, a dark form that did not shift like a shadow but, instead, stared amusingly back at its viewer. Ivory Laced could almost feel the presence of an unwanted force lingering in the air at his back, but worse of all he could still smell Cloud, as ripe as rain, bits of him still drizzled down every limb the hunter stood upon. His head plunged for the fifth time into the waters.
Considering murder was a heavy crime within the pack, Ivory could very well justify that his solo venture was an attempt to protect the others from incrimination. Yes. Of course. He had done it for them, as much as he had done it for himself. Abuse was just as damning and no one had called Cloud on it, so… he was justified in his actions. Justified in his attempt to remove the issue on his own. An unlikely warrior. Would Cloud have been proud? Objectively speaking…
...Who cared? Who cared about thirst or hunger when a secret could fill you for a lifetime. Perhaps Ivory would live out his days feasting on his truth. He would have to, in order to survive the rest of it. This time he pulled himself away from the waters, hissing as he alighted upon the broken leg and stumbled to his stomach along the edge...
There he went again. Ivory would pine for even a ghosts approval, so long as someone believed in him. Perhaps he was pathetic. Perhaps Cloud had been right. He could almost hear the other's laughter, disjointed and choked by deaths embrace and yet echoing as if in the caverns of his mind. He would have attempted to rid of it if not for the pain that surged every time he flexed the broken limb. So instead he rested, chest to the snow, adrenaline fading with every quick breath he took.
The stillness brought with it clarity, if not for the briefest moment. Thoughts merged and realizations struck like lightning, followed by a bout of laughter that would rattle in Ivory's throat and send his eyes rolling to mask the pain.
In all his efforts to remove the stain upon their family, to erase Cloud, he realized that he had, instead, managed to take the beast in. They were bound together forever, and by blood no less. Considering how affronted Cloud would have been by the claim, Ivory could not help but laugh a little harder. Cloud By Night still lived. Not just in the girth of Joy's belly but in the cursed eyes of the hunter. And although it was rather unfortunate for Ivory, for he would never sleep again without the weight of Cloud's existence bearing down on his neck, he might rest well enough knowing that, if ghosts existed, Clouds' would be tormented eternally by Ivory's presence.
Finally.
Eventually the laughter faded and silence prevailed. Ivory waited a bit within it before rising, hesitating to approach the lake but choosing to in the end. He kept what he saw private, not daring to share his thoughts even in the confines of his mind, before a change overcame his gaze and he turned towards home. On the surface he was solemn, not even flinching as every step forced a bit weight onto the bone. But like that of the lake, beneath it all was a cold expansive darkness that only the strongest could survive.
And Ivory Laced had proven his strength.
