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Soooo, I'm back with another rant discussion about Crown Jewel, and boy did that show rustle some jimmies. While not everything was bad (Rey was a highlight, good match outta Angle, etc.) the things this show did wrong, it did terribly wrong, starting with the opening segment. Which brings us to the spray-tanned elephant in the room.

Not that one.

It's Hogan. I'm talking about Hogan. Hulk Hogan's back.

...for like, five minutes, that is.

Yes, it was circulating around prior to the event that Hogan was going to be at Crown Jewel, presumably in a hosting capacity. While I'm still of the belief (as I think most fans and a considerable number of wrestlers are) that Hogan shouldn't be promoted by the WWE right now, it still created intrigue as to how he might get involved in the show. Could it be in one of the world title matches? Or the CM Punk finals?

No, they already had plans on ruining that, more on it later.

Instead, we got Hogan coming out to say the hits, brother, and talk about how alive and well Hulkamania is. (Sorry, needed a second because I just realized my spell check doesn't try to correct 'Hulkamania', and I died a little inside.) Then he ******** off somewhere, never to be seen again. No special interferences, no flexing his authority, nothing. It begs the question why even bother having him there, at all.

The simple answer is, for the money. The Saudi royals love the classics, they're giving WWE a huge paycheck, so bring in a guy you can buy for cheap given his pariah status and show him off for a cheap pop to act like you're earning your money and making the fans happy.

But let's not forget that WWE have been quietly trying to bring Hogan back for a while, now, from returning his name to WWE.com a while back to him appearing backstage to speak with the locker room at a show earlier this year. Corporate WWE wants their George Washington back, to profit off the value his name still holds in places like Saudi Arabia or other countries that aren't as keen on social equality or care about American politics. India comes to mind. It's quite possible WWE wanted to just sneak Hogan in at the start of the show, rip the band-aid off as quickly and quietly as possible, then hide Hogan away for the rest of the night until he appears on American programming.

Get his return out of the way so you can start promoting him again on YouTube, which already has a new video from WWE about Hogan's top ten moments. Then you can ease him back into events and shows, get that sweet merch revenue he'll make and shill him across the world again. WWE knew it was already in hot water with this event, anyway - why risk returning Hogan at a later date and creating another controversy? Just dump all your problems into one show and get it over with, as the continued booking seemed to indicate.

Now, I'm not too opinionated on the preliminary tournament matches or the AJ/Joe match. I'm fine with heel/heel or face/face matches, they can be done, and AJ/Joe was fine for being a last minute change that still made some sense.

Let's talk about that "Best In The World" finals, though, and if you heard something rattling when you read those quotes it was my eyes rolling out of my damn head.

Spoiler, Shane McMahon won. Yeah, that guy. How? Because. Why? Who cares. This is the worst tournament since Brawl For All.

So, originally in the finals, it was set to be Miz and Ziggler, with the added stipulation that if Miz lost, he'd be fired from Smackdown. Initially, this made me think Miz would be set up as the good guy here, being that - unlike Ziggler - Miz actually supports his bravado with credible accomplishments, and fans always respond to him. Miz still gets credit from the audience for a good promo or spot, and that arrogance has gotten many a heel over as a face.

So, you have Miz trying to prove he's the best to further assert his beliefs while Dolph is the overconfident heel who doesn't have as much to lose. Simple enough, right? And it felt like that when we see Miz and Ziggler begin with a hellish (heelish?) brawl, where Miz gets 'injured' and is trying to fight against doctor's orders to both win the tournament and save his job, presumably to set him up as the face here. Maybe he wins and starts a face turn for real, or uses his overcoming adversity to rub it in everyone's face? Maybe he loses and Shane has to confront Miz about his job despite stepping up through injury to try? You'd think. But no, you sweet, summer children.

Shane, with authority bethrothed to him by means unknown, actually inserts himself into the finals of a tournament he never qualified for or participated in, against someone who heel or not had won two other matches (and a qualifier?) to get there...and we're supposed to cheer for him? Shane gets to kick back all night and call himself "Best In The World" for winning one match in a tournament? Was this run by Mortal Kombat rules?

You're telling me THIS was the plan, all along. Don't tell me Cena was supposed to win, or something, and it got messed up because he pulled out (ask Nikki what that's like, ZING!) because there's any number of ways they could have spun this with who they had. Give Rey a big trophy to make his return more impactful. Give Miz a rub, or for ******** sake, Rollins, that was a no-brainer. But the scary thing is, I think this really WAS the plan. Either Miz got seriously injured - which wasn't the case, he was playing it up too much - or the angle going forward is between Miz and Shane, and we wasted SO MANY MATCHES AND PROMOS building up to this bullshit payoff.

It's a ******** you to booking, to fans, to wrestlers, and to the industry. It just goes to show you that WWE is so big, they sometimes honestly don't care what you think, they'll insult your intelligence when it's convenient, which is damn near always.

Other promotions have an ethical obligation to give the audience what they paid to see and what they promoted to them. For WWE, they book it and change it when and how they want, and the audience suffers for it. But hey, those Saudi fans ate it up, right? Good ol' nostalgia.

Like I said, get all the bullshit out of the way in one show...which brings us to the Universal Title match between Braun and Brock.

Honestly, who's surprised Brock is still champion? I say still, because it doesn't feel like he ever really lost it, does it? WWE hasn't built anyone up to Brock's level except for one guy, who isn't here anymore. Not even Braun is getting a shot to fill that void with his meaty mass, a role I personally feel he's deserved a chance at playing for a while now. Remember when he was Mr. Monster in the Bank? Shame he's only gone down since those high hopes.

Perhaps they didn't want Braun's rub hurt by the politics of Crown Jewel, perhaps they don't think it's his time, perhaps they just want to milk Brock's name for whatever it's worth, perhaps they wanted to further play up to their billionaire audience. All I know is that this feud (hopefully) isn't over with the intervention of Baron Corbin, so maybe we see the strap put on Strowman soon enough. Brock has to leave at some point, right?

...RIGHT?!

Speaking of leaving, Shawn Michaels needed to. My opinion on this Brothers of Destruction/DX angle is much simpler than most of my opinions but much more passionate, and simply put, it's that HBK is too old for this s**t. Not for wrestling, but for glowsticks and crotch chops. Him and HHH look like two dads embarrassing themselves by acting like kids while facing two grandpas embarrassing themselves acting like demons to face them.

I get it, Saudi loves nostalgia. I get it, you want HBK/Taker one more time, but Shawn has looked checked out since he came back, and I don't think the big payday for Crown Jewel is going to make up for how this tarnishes his reputation. He was faithfully retired for years specifically because he didn't want to be like Flair and Foley, but ended up coming back for a paper-thin storyline with no motivation other than money, it seemed. This comeback spits in the face of his legacy and you can't tell me otherwise.

So, yeah. Lots of stuff to be upset about here, and it's definitely made the next couple days of WWE programming must watch, if only to see how much from this stain of a show is going to be addressed. Things are

You're not wrong. Hell, they just cut that big Chinese prospect that they made a big deal about signing when they were making that China push some time back. Shows how bright they really saw his future as being. This was a Saudi publicity stunt - they'd have put the crown on Hogan if they put enough commas and zeroes on the check. Even without the human rights controversy, this would've been a terrible event.

Sami Zayn shouldn't even feel bad they're so racist they won't let him perform there (despite letting Paul Heyman show up and charter a private flight with security for Renae, because of safety concerns towards women). He's better off not being tied to this mess.

I think Bryan is safe. WWE knows it can still make a lot of money on him, and they won't risk him pulling a Punk, I think they learned from that mistake how to treat a top guy (if not book one). Cena is almost out the door anyway, they can't bury him. Plus he's their biggest spokesman and kills with merch. And Zayn gets no punishment from this, him not being there is a Saudi thing against him, not Zayn refusing to wrestle.

I think Bryan and AJ did the match they would've done at Crown Jewel, anyway, just cut for time and maybe edited on the finish. I personally liked the submission, it was great story telling and I'm hoping Bryan inserts himself into the Joe feud to spice it up.

The show was garbage. The Hulk Hogan opening was my only reason to watch.

Garbage or not, and let's face it... It's probably the worst WWE PPV of all time, including December to Dismember.

But in all honesty, they got what they paid for and now they have to pay the price.

They accepted blood money, and there was plenty of blood and controversy. One can whine and b***h all they want, but they got their comeuppance