Welcome to Gaia! ::

umm...I kind of have a large one, so please bare with me.
It has been a while...too long really...since I have thought about this. I tried a kazillion times to pratend it didn't matter, or that I'd do it later. But alas, I have pushed myself to understand that hmwk and chores get procrastinated, not God and prayer. So firstly, please pray for my faith, as I feel it is slipping.
Secondly, this is another big one, please pray for my mom and my family and for strength. Tomorrow is the the one year anniversary of my father's death, and I don't know what to do. I haven't cried about him since the funeral, and I think I am in severe shock/denial. I can't even look at other people in public if they remind me of him, b/c Im so afraid that... I dont know. I might have to remember that he isn't coming back. That he isn't just gone for a couple months like he used to. And I can't even talk about it. I can barely think about it. I have supressed everything since as far back as I can remember (which isnt long, unfortunately) and now, I can't stop myself from supressing his memory. I feel like Im no longer pratending he isn't dead, butthat he never was there. And it hurts. It hurts so much, and I dont know what to do.