[[REMOVE PLEASE]]

[Shrek-Seme]

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WANNA CAUSE SOME HELL?!

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Hiya D A D!

Due to the increasing concern of your overall character within the guild and its members/ us moderators, I am going to address a few concerns I and others have noticed. You have a good character, just some things needs to be addressed to avoid anything OP.

1. It is questionable that Zwei would be the 1st Saint and Guild Master, especially since he had- according to the 'secrets' section- "Killed innocent people." I don't think the Council would allow a murderer to be a GM or Saint, let alone free from prison.

2. Your God's Eyes prevent you from seeing illusions, yet one of your weaknesses are: » Reliving his past [such as an illusion]. I need a more substantial weakness to level the playing field.

3. Make sure to rank C-Ultimate when you get the chance

4. However, I did notice that you have more Advanced and Ultimate spells than basic, which would be unfair in battle. If anything, it should at least be a little more advanced than basic, not only less than 10 basic attacks than the 60+ advanced/ultimate spells.

5. Celestial Dragon's Shooting Star | Basic: Anything that makes you move at the speed of light shouldn't be basic.

6. You have too many ultimate spells for one person- at most I allow 3.

7. The Magician | Advanced: I'm going to have to have you take out that spell, that's far too over-powered if it's capable of surpassing Third Origin.

8. The High Priestess: I would do a dice roll system to see what he would get, keep in mind to not have terribly powerful spells- make it even between really good (Non-lost magic) spells, and really crappy ones.

9. The Empress: Is there some sort of way to negate this particular spell? To be able to stop all battle would be extremely overpowered. [Same with the Emperor and Lovers Cards]

10. For Chariot, do a random number generator for that one to see if you get a motorcycle of super-human speed. [Same with Wheel of Fortune]

11. Justice, it would be overpowered if the shock can even get to those who are immune to being shocked.

12. The Hanged Man, you have to scrap that one, I'm not allowing a spell to alter the entire world, let-alone an advanced spell

13. In a world where magic is predominant and the fact your undead army for Death is weak to all magic, would be overpowered. Make them weak to holy-affinity magics (ie. Light, regulus)

14. Tower has to either be nerfed where it can be broken, or taken out. To make a 15-floor tower you have to physically go through and fight monsters in, is extremely overpowered.

15. Temperance has to have some sort of negation or immunity to it. Does the victim go crazy after looking at it? Does he throw it at them? Can they break out of it? This is overpowered.

16. A large meteor for Stars cannot be an advanced spell, especially with it being wide-scale as it is.

17. Sun and Moon pretty much heightens his power 24/7, especially since most of the time in RP, it's either day or night. You have to limit when the magic from these cards can be activated.

18. Judgement disintegrates people, you have to either nerf it so it's rightfully an advanced spell, or take it out.

19. You can't have a card that summons people to the Edolas Universe.

20. For Sin of Sloth, fifty hands to grab people is a lot, especially since the size varies to his magical power and they can uproot trees- and he's already a powerful mage as it is.

21. To be able to alter time with Greed is a bit overpowered, as it mimicks Arc of Time magic itself.

22. I don't see what Lust has to do with Zwei's aging, can you describe that more?

23. How long do the effects/illusions of his spells last? I need specific posts amounts (Excluding reequip).

24. Sight Control, you can't take over another person's sight.

25. Total Perception has a lot of meta-gaming in it. he can keep everyone else, but he shouldn't be able to tell whose a demon or god.

26. Frozen Time, too close to Arc of Time. Is this time freeze applicable to a certain distance? Or the whole world? Either way, it's very overpowered since it's not an Arc of Time spell.

I'm gonna stop there, since the rest of your spells all have the same jist. No one would be able to have a fair battle with Zwei with his current state of magics being overpowered. He can't have a spell that controls the whole world or breaks someone's immunity or be able to instantly know something about someone or mind-control other people or things of that nature. So could you please nerf your spells so I can re-approve him?

-Hara

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FAIRY TAIL ▶ Tales from Fiore  

[Shrek-Seme]

◢ A P P R O V A LXXP R O C E S S
WANNA CAUSE SOME HELL?!

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Hiya D A D!

Not as many issues as before, but there are still some:

1. For Celestial Dragon's Shooting Star: The speed of light is Mach
874030; that is faster than anything the naked eye can perceive. Because of the nature of this particular spell, I don't think it would be appropriate for it to be an S Rank spell; at least, it would be an ultimate. It is not necessarily the same as teleportation magic since they can only go so far. "Moving dozens upon dozens of times faster than somebody using any form of high-speed movement spells while maintaining flight for extremely long periods of time." I am afraid it can not be faster than an actual high-speed user considering they are extremely fast with the use of their magic. I'm sorry, but this spell is still over-powered.

2. I. The Magician is still powerful. Opening Second Origin or anything of that nature should be considered an Ultimate. I put that down for Kawa, an Arc of Embodiment User, as an ultimate as well. However, I don't mind if you make it exactly like 2nd Origin [but it can't have attributes of both 2nd and 3rd origins]. Also, he has to go through the painful process of gaining such power, just like 2nd Origin. That is the only way I can accept that spell.

3. III. The Empress * Emperor: I just need a distance for the area of effect. I also need how long each effect will last.

4. VII. The Chariot | C-Rank: Please bump that up to an A Rank spell due to the possibility of it giving him superhuman strength.

5. XII. The Hanged Man: How long does the effect last for?

6. XIV. Temperance: How long does the effect last for?

7. XV. The Devil | S-Rank: Using this card causes Verzweiflung to undergo temporary changes into a Demon, much like Satan Soul. There are 72 possibilities of Demon he can turn into, based off of the Demons in the Ars Goetia (Lesser Key of Solomon). The results are random and temporary, but always powerful. Though it makes Verzweiflung weak to any form of Devil Slayer Magic. [RNG Based, numbers 1~72.]
72 is a lot for a spell like that, even with random numbers. Bump that down to 5 please. I also need the abilities of each demon he transforms into. Also, ho long does he stay in each transformation?

8. XVI. The Tower | A-Rank: Bump that up to an S Rank since it's still a 15 floor tower.

9. The Star | A-Rank: Bump that into an S Rank since it is capable of killing people.

10. The Moon & The Sun | B-Rank: Due to the high power augmentation, that has to be bumped up into an S Rank.

11. XX. Judgement: How wide is the beam and how far can it travel? In general, have distances.

12. XXI. The World: Since it's randomized, establish some sort of RNG or Dice Roll to see where they would end up.

13. Sight Control: I recommend them making direct eye contact with Zwei, or some sort of eye beam or something.

14. Ikusa-Tsunagi | B-Rank: Bump that up to an S Rank due to the amount of damage it causes.

15. Fomen Tempvernam | C-Rank: Bump that up to an S Rank if it can create a deluge. Also, provide distances.

16. Ignius Clamante | B-Rank: Moving his arms up, parallel to his body, Verzweiflung will begin chanting the incantation. A ruby, god-like effigy with intricate designs on its body and open palms is summoned. This statue allows Verzweiflung to control a massive fire that is so cold it burns. It can't be extinguished with water, and will actually freeze it. Contact with the flames will cause ice burns; prolonged exposure causing frostbite.
Again, too powerful to be a B-Rank, boost it to an S Rank

I'm going to stop there for now since after reading the rest of your spells, they seem to have the same issue of being severely underrated depending on the amount of damage they do. Please look over all of your spells and make sure that their power makes sense with the rank; I'll give you a laydown of it:

C Rank: Small-scale teleportation/telekenesis, trivial wounds, etc.
B Rank: Wounds that can provoke minor bleeding, can lift at most a good 50lbs. of teleknesis. Teleportation is slightly farther.
A Rank: Can wound others pretty well, not yet capable of breaking bones. Some oddities (Information gathering, etc.) teleportation is substantial.
S Rank: Capable of murdering a single person if it goes well-enough in a fair way.
Ultimate: All hell breaks loose.

Hope this helps!

-Hara

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FAIRY TAIL ▶ Tales from Fiore  

[Shrek-Seme]

◢ A P P R O V A LXXP R O C E S S
WANNA CAUSE SOME HELL?!

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Hiya D A D!

Not as many issues as before, but there are still some:

1.The Magician wasn't edited. Opening Second Origin or anything of that nature should be considered an Ultimate. I put that down for Kawa, an Arc of Embodiment User, as an ultimate as well. However, I don't mind if you make it exactly like 2nd Origin [but it can't have attributes of both 2nd and 3rd origins]. Also, he has to go through the painful process of gaining such power, just like 2nd Origin. That is the only way I can accept that spell.

2. The Emperor, Empress and Chariot still need duration times.

3.For wheel of fortune, almost forgot, just run by me what blessing or curse you land on so I can approve it on the spot.

I'm just going to go quickly down this...

» Vi Caelum | A-Rank: With his left arm up and his right arm down, Verzweiflung rotates his arms until his arm's positions are in reverse. An emerald, god-like effigy with intricate designs on its body, appears while holding a broken staff in both hands. A massive vortex of powerful wind and lightning traps both Verzweiflung and his targets in the eye of the storm. Verzweiflung can use much more intense lightning magic as long as he is inside the vortex. The vortex is forty feet in diameter, and two hundred feet in height, making escaping through the top near impossible. [For it to be that large and that impossible to escape, it is suited to be an Ultimate attack. It can maintain its size, but it cannot be impossible to get out. If that is the case, then make it into an S Rank.]

» Impetu Pondus | B-Rank: Verzweiflung moves both arms above his head, before moving them down, as if pushing an object, while chanting. When finished, an amethyst, god-like effigy covered in intricate designs appears from a portal. This causes the gravity in the area to either become heavier, or lighter. This also nullifies any gravity attacks currently in effect that aren't Ultimate-level. Has an area effect of fifty feet. [Too far for a B Rank, bump it to an S Rank]

» Ventosus-Ieunium | B-Rank: Verzweiflung holds both arms out in front of him and, while chanting, quickly move them out to his sides. Upon doing so, an aquamarine, god-like effigy covered in intricate designs appears. The effigy then speeds around the battlefield, creating a large tornado to trap enemies (and Verzweiflung himself) in. Mini tornadoes are sent from the "wall", which hits everyone, even Verzweiflung. The large tornado itself is thirty-five feet in diameter, and one hundred feet tall (rather underwhelming, considering they're usually thousands of feet high, eh?). The mini tornadoes are fifteen feet in diameter, and thirty feet in height. [Far too large for a B Rank, make it A-S Rank]

» Elido Terrenum | A-Rank: Verzweiflung holds both hands just in front of his chest, balling them both into fists and, while chanting, slowly pushes one towards the ground. Upon doing so, a topaz, god-like effigy appears from the ground, two hammers on its back. This causes the area within one hundred feet around the user to suddenly become an earthquake zone, causing stalagmites to appear from the ground and hit or pierce those standing above them. [Far too wide for an A Rank, make it an S Rank]

» Clipeum Parma | C-Rank: Verzweiflung moves both arms in front of his face, holding them there even while chanting. Doing so causes a silver, god-like effigy with intricate designs and holding a shield to appear from a portal in front of the user. This creates a near impenetrable barrier around the effigy and Verzweiflung, but leaves the shield out of the barrier, The main way to get through the barrier is by breaking the shield, thus making the effigy, and barrier, disappear. This barrier is twenty-five feet in radius, and twenty feet in height. [This is no where near a C Rank Spell, make it an A Rank]

» Relinquit Aetherium | S-Rank: Verzweiflung moves both arms above him and, while chanting, open his hands so his palms face towards the sky. Doing so causes a pearl, god-like effigy with intricate designs to appear next to Verzweiflung. This causes everyone within a one hundred foot radius to be temporarily teleported to an alternate dimension, where any Space based Magic (Requip, Celestial Spirits, etc.) to be rendered useless (unlike Rules of the Arena, there is no consequence for trying to use Space-based Magic, it just won't work). The effigy can either be destroyed, or you can wait until Verzweiflung's Magic Power depletes to return back to the normal dimension. [To send everyone in the nearest 100 ft into an alternate dimension takes a considerable amount of magic. Either make it an ultimate or scrap it]


» Pluere Acidulus | S-Rank: Verzweiflung moves both hands in front of his mouth, cupping his hands as if trying to shout to someone, while chanting. Doing so summons a Peridot, god-like effigy with intricate designs to appear from a portal from behind the user. This causes a rain of acid to fall from the sky in a fifty foot radius. This acid burns through anything non-magical, and can actually kill someone if they're not careful. [How long does it last for? Also, I am assuming Zwei is weak to this magic as well?]

» Crystallos Fluctus | A-Rank: Verzweiflung pulls his left arm back, and pushes his right arm forward. While chanting, he pulls his right arm back, and moves his left arm forward. Doing this causes a sapphire, god-like effigy to appear from a portal beside them. This causes a wave of water to splash around, before suddenly freezing and trapping or piercing anyone as it freezes. It then thaws, just to freeze again, doing this a few more times before disappearing. This water spreads out about thirty feet at a time, for trying to spread more causes it to become more fragile when frozen. [Too powerful to be an A Rank, make it into an S Rank]

» Massa-Conflugratio | A-Rank: Verzweiflung balls both hands into fists in front of his chest and, while chanting, moves them upwards towards the sky as he opens his hands. Doing this causes a garnet, god-like effigy with intricate designs to appear behind the user from a portal in the ground. This causes mini volcanoes (about the same height as the average man) to pop up around the battlefield in a fifty foot radius. All of them then erupt at once, causing lava to shoot up into the sky and fall like a rain, filling the battlefield. The lava disappears when the effigy does, as do the volcanoes.[For so many volcanoes to pop out would cause a considerable amount of lava to flow out in such a large area- bump it to an S Rank.]

» Polus Perdoceo | A-Rank: Verzweiflung punches both fists slowly together in front of his chest while chanting. Doing this causes a bronze, god-like effigy with intricate designs with a sword in each hand to appear from a portal behind Verzweiflung. This causes what seems to be an endless amount of metal weapons behind Verzweiflung and the effigy (think Gate of Babylon from Fate/Stay), all of which either fly at Verzweiflung's foe and break apart, or hover in the air, able to be grabbed and used to battle with. It can also cause a tornado of metal weapons (think the mini tornadoes of Ventosus-Ieunium) which moves towards the enemy/enemies. The maximum number of weapons that can be summoned at once cap at thirty, and more can only be summoned if the others are broken. [Lower it to ten if it's an A Rank; he would have more weapons than any of the reequip mages in this RP]

» Tenebrae Framea | A-Rank: Verzweiflung moves his hands into an upside down praying motion while chanting. Doing this causes an onyx, god-like effigy with intricate designs to appear behind Verzweiflung from a portal. This causes the entire battlefield to be covered in darkness (about one hundred and fifty feet), allowing only Verzweiflung to be able to see clearly. This allows him to strike from the shadows, unseen by any trapped within the darkness. It also nullifies the usage of any non-Ultimate Light Magic. [To cover such a wide scale and even be immune to non-ultimate light magic makes this far too OP for an A Rank spell, please nerf it]

» Adtontius-Objex | S-Rank: Verzweiflung moves both arms above his head while chanting, slowly moving them down in the lightning bolt motion (symbol). This causes a citrine, god-like effigy covering in intricate designs and holding a lightning bolt to appear above Verzweiflung from a portal. This causes dark clouds to form in a whirlpool shape overhead, which then sends multiple, powerful lightning bolts raining down from above. These lightning bolts turn inorganic matter and most organic matter (not humans, animals, or anything relatable) to ash. Has an AoE of one hundred feet. [For that far of an area of effect as well as a general effect on the battlefield, this sounds like an Ultimate ability. Please lower the AOE to 50ft.]

» Crepusculum Venebrae | S-Rank: Verzweiflung moves both of his hands in front of his body, left hand facing up in a regular praying motion, and right hand facing down in an upside down praying motion. This causes a half-diamond half-onyx, god-like effigy covered in intricate designs to appear, holding a heart (<3) in its left hand, and a skull in its right hand. This effigy sends orbs of light and darkness mixed all over the battlefield, with no true target in its sight. Anything these orbs touch turn that object into its opposite (a living tree to a dead tree, or a good person evil, and vice versa). Or it turns them into monstrous beasts (a dog into a hellhound). But one must be careful, as the orbs effect even Verzweiflung. Once the effigy disappears, everyone and everything returns to their normal state, making this rather... useless, in a way. [Even though this also effects him. I can get that it can change a living tree into a dead one, but a good person evil or a dog into a hell hound is too OP. Please scrap it]

╯Etherious Form ((Curse: Abyssus Chaus)) [9]
» Seed of Tartarus | B-Rank: This is a pretty basic and easy to use spell. It involves Verzweiflung holding out his hand, and gathering his Curse in it. In Abyssus Chaus's case, it appears as a purple, pulsating orb, surrounded by darkness and shadows. Verzweiflung can throw this orb, or place it behind his opponent, though it can't stick to anything. Upon detonation, it releases multiple waves of the Curse in every direction. Anything that is hit by it will be sucked into the abyss about halfway, before being spit out, causing minor damage. [I just need an AOE]

» Fangs of Hell | B-Rank: Verzweiflung holds out both arms and turns his hands, so that their palms are facing each other. He then curves his fingers, to make it look like he's making a jaw of some sort. Then, upon raising his arms, gathers his Curse in front of him, to create giant, shadowy looking jaws, dripping with the strange, purple aura. He then slams his hands down, clasping them together. The disembodied jaw then chomps down on his opponent, devouring them into the abyss if they got hit. It has the potential to kill, but only if you get caught in the teeth. [Make it into an A Rank]

» Gauntlet of Hades | C-Rank: Verzweiflung envelops his hand in the Curse, causing it to appear much like a gauntlet. True to the Curse's appearance, on the top of the gauntlet is the pulsating, purple orb, covered by shade and darkness. With this spell, Verzweiflung is able to enhance his punch with Abyssus Chaus's abyssal force, and adding a bit of extra damage behind the punch, to inflict more damage upon the enemy.

» Claws of the Abyss | B-Rank: Much like Gauntlet of Hades, but instead causes Verzweiflung's hand(s) to appear much like large, black hands, with dripping, purple claws. These claws appear to be larger than Verzweiflung's own body, but are able to be moved around effortlessly, due to being nothing more than darkness. But that doesn't stop it from inflicting grievous damage upon the enemy. These can be used to slash one's enemy, dig into the ground or possibly through walls, or crush something. [S Rank or scrap it]

» Infernal's Descent | B-Rank: Verzweiflung jumps into the air, cloaking his body in the darkness of the Curse. He then descends downwards in a spinning motion, seeming to form into a sort of terrifying drill. Even if this attack misses the intended target, it causes Verzweiflung to burrow underground, and release spikes from below the ground, impaling anything that they may come into contact with.

» Pillars of Hell | A-Rank: Verzweiflung places his hands together, as if praying, before pulling them apart, two small orbs within his hands. He then slams his hands into the ground, facing his opponent. As he does this, the ground below begins to rumble and crack, signaling something coming. Pillars of darkness, with a strange purple core within them rise from the ground, headed towards the opponent in a triangle formation (imagine the top tip of a triangle facing Verzweiflung and spreading out as it heads towards the target). [What is the AOE?]

» Roar of the Abyss | A-Rank: Verzweiflung throws back his head, and lets out a loud, deep roar. After this, his mouth leaks with his Curse, causing it to fall onto the ground, sinking into it. After enough leaks, a large, beastly head, remnant of a dragon's, with glowing, purple eyes, a strange purple aura, and the rest being darkness. This head dashes towards Verzweiflung's opponent, letting out a deafening roar as it approaches, aiming to "devour" them. If it manages to devour someone, it swallows them wholly into the abyss, spitting them out moments later, with heavy damage. [S Rank, please]

» Black Hole | S-Rank: Verzweiflung spreads his darkness over a large area and, much like an actual black hole, swallows up anything they choose. When swallowed by the abyss, the person or object is subjected to a large amount of gravity and crushed. This technique was once used to swallow up an entire town, but caused Verzweiflung to be so worn afterwards they collapsed. [Ultimate, or scrap]

» Liberation | S-Rank: Verzweiflung expels all of the destroyed remains of what his abyss had swallowed up at once. This is especially good at demonstrating his power. When expelled, that which is shot out comes flying at high speeds over a large area, capable of destroying everything in Verzweiflung's path. From the rubble of buildings, to even actual weapons, though upon using this attack, Verzweiflung is left worn and tired. [Does this affect magical items? How far can these travel to?]


I urge you to look at the Ranking chart I showed you, since it doesn't seem like it was used for editing these spells. I'm afraid that if there's another mistake in this profile, I will have to ask you to scrap Zwei completely and make a new RPC. I'm sorry but that's my three-strike-rule. I don't want to do that, so please please PLEASE look at the chart and judge ALL of your spells accordingly. I'm sorry, but I've checked this profile far too many times ;-;

-Hara

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FAIRY TAIL ▶ Tales from Fiore  

[Shrek-Seme]

◢ A P P R O V A LXXP R O C E S S
WANNA CAUSE SOME HELL?!

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OMG CONGRATS D A D! You've been Re-approved!

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FAIRY TAIL ▶ Tales from Fiore