Well this didn't go as ******** planned ~ a journal | Page 1 | Blogs and Journaling | Guild Forums

Qwertea
Captain

IRL Gaian

11,725 Points

500
300
500

Offline

Posted: Fri May 12, 2017 11:54 pm

Hurr Hurr.
Jumping on the journaling bandwagon about personal issues and other things.
I was told that it would help with depression so I'll give it a whirl.

I'll jot stuff down in here randomly, sometimes more than once a day. There will probably be some unpleasant flashbacks posted in here just as an fyi.
I'll give trigger warnings if they're merited.

Mostly it will just be me babbling on and on about piddly things.
There will be Deputy Dumbass AKA my ex stories
Happy memories
WTF memories
And some really crappy memories
And some occasional bitching

I'm not good at intros.

Dalmatians.

Posted: Sat May 13, 2017 12:08 am

5/13/17 at like 2am

Something that drives me nuts. I'm one of those clinger friends that will literally do anything to try to keep someone around even though I should probably let go. I need to learn to be ok with people changing and moving on, it's tough though.
What really irks me is that back when I was younger this wouldn't phase me but now after becoming a decent human being I have feelings and a conscience now.
CURSE THE FEELY FEELS.

Qwertea
Captain

IRL Gaian

11,725 Points

500
300
500

Offline

Qwertea
Captain

IRL Gaian

11,725 Points

500
300
500

Offline

Posted: Sat May 13, 2017 8:21 pm

5/13/17 10:15 ish pm

Something that's been bugging me lately. A-B0T left the guild for a few reasons, those reasons I will keep private. Anyway it bothers me because we have been in the guild since 2006 and I've been helping her with running it since 2007ish? I'm sad to see her go because it has always been a group effort and now she's gone and refuses to return. I tried to work it out in private messages but it didn't go over very well. I still want the guild to do well so I'll keep trying my best to keep things going but I am very upset over this. I'll admit that I wasn't the greatest friend though the years and this will be discussed in further journal updates when I feel like talking about it; but I'm not that same person that I used to be as a teen. I wish I could prove that to people now.

Thankfully she's still on my friends list so maybe we will be able to patch things up in the future.

Posted: Sat May 13, 2017 9:29 pm

5/13/17 11:25 pm

I just started Games of Thrones and I love it.
Jeff is on his way to Walmart to get me season 3 for Mothers Day.
I hope Joffery gets his head hacked off. I call him King Douche.
He's such a whiny manipulative little t**t.
Anyway this show is badass, I really need to get all the books because I'm sure they're even better than the amazing TV series.

Qwertea
Captain

IRL Gaian

11,725 Points

500
300
500

Offline

Qwertea
Captain

IRL Gaian

11,725 Points

500
300
500

Offline

Posted: Tue May 16, 2017 8:10 pm

5/16/17 10:03 pm

Jeez it sucks when you have to put up with bad behavior from someone that you used to look up too.
A friend irl and on Gaia has been making digs at me in the CB. It's the same person, we grew up together and she moved far away. She vanished off Gaia for two years then came back and I tried being a good friend but apparently it's rude to give expensive items as gifts and apparently I act like I don't pee in the shower. There were other digs too but I'm not gonna mention them. rolleyes
Anyway it's time to close the book on that relationship by sticking her on the ignored list and to move on.
I really didn't want to have to do this because this was a person that I respected and looked up too but she has changed.
She's very angry and keeps lashing out at people.
She mentions things like not having friends but when the people that care for her try to talk to her she treats them like crap.
It's depressing but clinging won't change her behavior.
This is unhealthy and I can't keep clinging in hopes of getting my friend back.
I don't know this person anymore but I miss the person that she used to be.
I hope life treats her well.

Posted: Tue May 16, 2017 8:38 pm

5/16/17 10:27 pm

I have the name checked in my list and I'm finding it hard to boot her off the friends list. Closing the book is proving to be difficult for me. I know that it needs to be done though...
It just sucks though because I know once I do it there is no going back.
We will never be friends again.
This friend was a major part of my childhood, we met when I was only eight years old and we had a falling out in 2012 and the friendship never really recovered.
I used to be a pretty crappy friend during some of the teen years but I've changed, I'm not the same person and I was excited to show her that.
I wanted to show her that I could be a good friend but everything I did she took personally.
Gifting her items off her wishlist, apologizing, trying to see things her way. She took offence, she saw it as me trying to act perfect and stuff when I really wasn't I was just trying to be a good person and a good friend.

Uhg.
Her status says "Bye Felicia".
As I hit the gtfo my list button I say outloud "fare thee well Felicia indeed!".

Now it's time for me to heal. Trying to appease someone so toxic since 2012 can really take a toll. I take friendships very seriously now and I'll do everything in power to make it up to someone but I really need to learn how to set healthy boundaries.

Qwertea
Captain

IRL Gaian

11,725 Points

500
300
500

Offline

Qwertea
Captain

IRL Gaian

11,725 Points

500
300
500

Offline

Posted: Wed May 17, 2017 7:05 pm

5/17/17 8:56 pm

It was said that I was toxic and causing poison, I'd like to know how. I mean I haven't done anything wrong. Giving gifts and trying to start a conversation and apologizing for past mistakes aren't bad things.
But apparently to the ex-friend it is.
I don't get it but hey if it supports the buoyancy to her sea vessel then whatever.
Apparently being gone for years then coming back was suppose to be a sign or something. But if she didn't want to be friends she should have been straight up from the beginning instead of leading me on like she did.
If anything leading a person on, taking advantage of their kindness and being petty is toxic behavior. I'm not going to retaliate against her, I'm not going down to that level but I wish she would quit it. It's bad enough that a friendship that lasted over a decade is in the toilet. I don't think that this kind of treatment is warranted.

Welcome to Gaia! ::

Gaia Guilds

Weird Inc.

Quick Reply

More Information