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 Posted: Sun May 29, 2016 10:18 pm
xxxSIGNATURESxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxForum Postsxxxxxxxxxxxx
🕱 Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci tation ullamcorper suscipit lobortis nisl ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis autem vel eum iriure dolor in hendrerit in vulputate velit esse molestie consequat, vel illum dolore eu feugiat nulla facilisis at vero eros et accumsan et iusto odio dignissim qui blandit praesent luptatum zzril delenit augue duis dolore te feugait nulla facilisi. Nam liber tempor c** soluta nobis eleifend option congue nihil imperdiet doming id quod mazim placerat facer possim assum. Typi non habent claritatem insitam; est usus legentis in iis qui facit eorum claritatem. Investigationes demonstraverunt lectores legere me lius quod ii legunt saepius. Claritas est etiam processus dynamicus, qui sequitur mutationem consuetudium lectorum. Mirum est notare quam littera gothica, quam nunc putamus parum claram, anteposuerit litterarum formas humanitatis per seacula quarta decima et quinta decima. Eodem modo typi, qui nunc nobis videntur parum clari, fiant sollemnes in futurum.
[size=16][color=#674846]🕱[/color][/size] [size=11][color=#B784A7]...[/color][/size]
xxxBase Signaturexxxxxxxxxxxx
🕱 мנ ѕρσσкѕ 🕱 [xx MONTH 202x]
[color=#674846]🕱[/color] [color=#B784A7]мנ ѕρσσкѕ[/color] [color=#674846]🕱[/color] [size=9][color=#9BCD9B][xx MONTH 202x][/color][/size]
xxxNeeds Editingxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi there! There are *a couple of/a few* issues with your profile that you will need to address before it can be marked Pending.
- Edit 1
- Edit 2
- Edit 3
Please make these changes, and then edit the thread title to 'Edited' so that we can look your profile over again.
Thank you! ~ 🕱 мנ ѕρσσкѕ 🕱 [xx MONTH 202x]
[color=#B784A7][size=11]Hi there! There are *a couple of/a few* issues with your profile that you will need to address before it can be marked Pending.
- Edit 1
- Edit 2
- Edit 3
Please make these changes, and then edit the thread title to 'Edited' so that we can look your profile over again.[/size][/color]
[align=right][size=9]Thank you! ~[/size] [color=#674846]🕱[/color] [color=#B784A7]мנ ѕρσσкѕ[/color] [color=#674846]🕱[/color] [size=9][color=#9BCD9B][xx MONTH 202x][/color][/size][/align]
xxxNeeds to Sign Rulesxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hi there! Before we can look over and Pend your profile, you will need to read and sign the Guild Rules. Please do so and change your thread title to read 'Rules Signed' so that we can look over your profile.
Thank you! ~ 🕱 мנ ѕρσσкѕ 🕱 [xx MONTH 202x]
[color=#B784A7][size=11]Hi there! Before we can look over and Pend your profile, you will need to read and sign the Guild Rules. Please do so and change your thread title to read 'Rules Signed' so that we can look over your profile.[/size][/color]
[align=right][size=9]Thank you! ~[/size] [color=#674846]🕱[/color] [color=#B784A7]мנ ѕρσσкѕ[/color] [color=#674846]🕱[/color] [size=9][color=#9BCD9B][xx MONTH 202x][/color][/size][/align]
xxxProfile Warningxxxxxxxxxxxx
Unfortunately, we have to issue a profile warning. Please do not *insert wrongdoing*, as this is against guild rules. Three profile warnings will result in a denied profile, as well as a Guild Warning.
Thank you! ~ 🕱 мנ ѕρσσкѕ 🕱 [xx MONTH 202x]
[size=11][color=red]Unfortunately, we have to issue a profile warning. Please do not *insert wrongdoing*, as this is against guild rules. Three profile warnings will result in a denied profile, as well as a Guild Warning.[/color][/size]
[align=right][size=9]Thank you! ~[/size] [color=#674846]🕱[/color] [color=#B784A7]мנ ѕρσσкѕ[/color] [color=#674846]🕱[/color] [size=9][color=#9BCD9B][xx MONTH 202x][/color][/size][/align]
xxxCREW COMMENTSxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxUSERNAMExxx
GUILD :: CHARACTER NAME
Date of Comment :: Comment no. X
MJ Spooks Hi there! There are *a couple of/a few* issues with your profile that you will need to address before it can be marked Pending.
- Edit 1
- Edit 2
- Edit 3
Please make these changes, and then edit the thread title to 'Edited' so that we can look your profile over again.Thank you! ~ 🕱 мנ ѕρσσкѕ 🕱 [xx MONTH 202x]
[size=16]GUILD :: CHARACTER NAME[/size]
[size=11]Date of Comment :: Comment no. X[/size][/align]
[quote="MJ Spooks"][color=#B784A7][size=11]Hi there! There are *a couple of/a few* issues with your profile that you will need to address before it can be marked Pending.
- Edit 1
- Edit 2
- Edit 3
Please make these changes, and then edit the thread title to 'Edited' so that we can look your profile over again.[/size][/color]
[align=right][size=9]Thank you! ~[/size] [color=#674846]🕱[/color] [color=#B784A7]мנ ѕρσσкѕ[/color] [color=#674846]🕱[/color] [size=9][color=#9BCD9B][xx MONTH 202x][/color][/size][/align][/quote]
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Posted: Sun May 29, 2016 10:19 pm
xxx-X Duo Yiro X-xxx
HOGWARTS :: GAGE DESMOND MELANCON ((name changed))
05/29/2016 :: Comment No. 1 Cara MiaKitty Hi there! There are a couple of issues with your profile that you will need to address before it can be marked Pending.
- Your personality will need to be expanded. We generally like to have at least a paragraph for this section of the profile. Personalities are used to sort students into their houses, and so we like them to be detailed as possible.
- There are a couple of issues regarding your backstory.
-- Firstly, the statement that he is 'indeed a muggle' is confusing when combined with the issue regarding his blood status. If he were a muggle, he could not attend the school. This could, perhaps, be reworded to state that his upbringing was typical of muggles, though this is also a confusing notion, given that 'muggle' is a broad term that applies to many people with very different experiences.
-- Secondly, I am somewhat concerned with the statement that Hogwarts was something he had thought to be 'a figment of his imagination'. Given that he is a muggleborn, he would have no knowledge of the school's existence, and this implies that he did, but believed it to be something he'd made up. This should be reworded so that it does not imply prior knowledge of the specific existence of Hogwarts. You could say that he had dreamed of a magical world, given that he would have to've shown signs of magic and therefore would have some limited knowledge of it's existence in regards to his own abilities. The issue here is the implication of specific knowledge he could not have possibly possessed.
Please make these changes, and then edit the thread title to 'Edited' so that we can look your profile over again.
Thank you! ~ ♥ Cara ɱк 05/30/2016 :: Warning No. 1 Quote: Unfortunately, we must give you a profile warning. Please do not remove crew comments from your profile, as this is against guild rules. A crewmember will remove them when appropriate. ~ ♥ Cara ɱк 05/30/2016 :: Comment No. 1 Quote: Unfortunately, there are still some issues with your profile that you will need to address before it can be marked Pending.
- The description you have for 'introvert' does not actually describe an introvert. Introverts are people who find the presence of others to be draining on their energy, but this does not mean they do not like people. It's perfectly possible for a person to be introverted and still like people and enjoy being around them, it just means that they have to have alone time to recharge afterwards. Antisocial, on the other hand, would be described exactly how you've stated in your character's personality, someone who does not like people.
- You need to diversify your strengths. While they are technically different, fundamentally, they are the same thing, just applied in different areas. "Dedication to strengthening my mind and body" should be a singular strength, and you should have another listed.
- The way you describe the visit from the school governor is concerning; the way that he apparently spoke to Desmond's parents is unprofessional, as though he were bullying them into allowing their son to attend. It could be read as him simply playing to the parent's desire for their son to be the best, but given that attendance at Hogwarts is not optional for muggleborns, this is unnecessary; he would simply have informed them that their son must attend the school to learn to control his magic. Furthermore, he would not 'send for Desmond' when it came time to take him to school. Hogwarts letters come with a ticket for the Hogwarts Express enclosed, and his parents would be expected to take him to the station and drop him off.
Please make these changes, and then edit the thread title to 'Edited' so that we can look your profile over again.
Thank you! ~ ♥ Cara ɱк
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Posted: Thu Jul 06, 2017 7:38 pm
xxxJasmineKiwiFirexxx
HOGWARTS :: WILLOW LEIGH VALLET-LEXINGTON
07/5/2017 :: Comment no. 1 Cara MiaKitty There are a few issues with your profile that you will need to address before it can be marked Pending.
- The entire profile should be filled out, except the section regarding Willow's house. This includes the section about her relationship status. If she is not currently with someone, say she is single, or remove the line.
- Her personality is slightly contradictory. She's described as being selfish, but also loyal to her friends and family. These traits don't work together, as being loyal to another person typically means that you are willing to put them above yourself, which a selfish person would not do. If she is only pretending to be selfish to put on a persona for other people, it should be specified that she is not actually a selfish person, rather than this trait being presented as part of her true self.
- She's also described as grateful, which again contradicts the selfish trait. Part of being selfish is a sense of entitlement, and if someone feels entitled to something, they're hardly going to feel grateful when they get it. Again, if this is a persona she has adopted for whatever reason, it should say that this is not her real personality, but rather the front she puts on. It should also explain why she feels the need to behave this way.
- Overall, the personality is very shallow. There's no real depth to it, just a list of seemingly random traits that aren't connected at best and outright contradict one another at worst. There needs to be some evidence of motivation to her behaviors, or explanations of why she is the way she is. Her personality and backstory both lack this explanation. I would advise that you reconsider her backstory and personality, and write them together to create a person, rather than just choosing random traits you are interested in playing and throwing them together with a mostly unconnected backstory. The only connection between the two is her love of dance, which is not even technically a personality trait.
- Regarding the backstory, there are a couple of points that make no sense whatsoever.
- First of all, it makes no sense for there to be a dramatic, drawn-out custody battle between the parents, and then for the mother to completely cut off all contact. If she cared enough about her daughter to fight for custody of her, she's hardly going to drop off the face of the Earth when she loses. If there is an explanation for this, such as that the mother was legally barred from seeing her daughter, or that the father is interfering with her attempts to contact her, this needs to be explained, and a reason given. If your intention was genuinely that the mother has no interest in her daughter, the custody battle point needs to be dropped, because it makes no sense.
- Second of all, regarding her dance experience. First of all, you can't really 'learn' a whole dance style the way your backstory implies. The way it's written, it seems as though she began with ballet, finished that, and moved on to the next style, and then the next, etc. When you are a dancer, you may study multiple styles, but you have never really 'learned' any one in particular. Like all art forms, dance is a continuous thing, in which you begin with the basics and continue to build experience and knowledge and technique. Ballet alone is exceptionally involved and difficult, and an eleven year old girl who started at some unspecified age older than five would hardly have had time to get good enough at it to simply stop. Either Willow is not actually enrolled in a very serious class, she has dropped one style and picked up another too frequently to have actually 'learned' anything, or she is currently taking at least five hours a week of dance lessons, one hour each, which would be very expensive all on its own. Given that most dance classes operate at least two or three times a week, she would logically have to be taking between 10 and 15 hours a week of dance lessons, at least. I would suggest you either change it so that she lost interest in a couple of styles, or cut down on how many she is studying.
- If you'll read here, Willow has no reason to have to wait until she's 18 to change her name. Firstly, if her father is a wizard and she is in his custody, that would likely fall under Ministry jurisdiction, and witches are considered adults at 17. Secondly, assuming the mother has no legal rights to Willow, which you have implied by stating she hasn't seen her, her father has every right to file for her name to be legally changed. If she wants to drop her mother's name, there's literally no reason she couldn't have already done it. If the father is well off enough to pay for all the dance lessons she's apparently taking, he should have more than enough money for a quick and simple legal procedure.
- Lastly, the bit at the end about her receiving her Hogwarts letter seems a bit odd, as it frames it as though she didn't know she'd be attending Hogwarts until she got it. If she knows about magic, she should have 'shown' magic at some point in her life, probably between the ages of seven and ten. All witches and wizards born in the UK receive a letter, so once she showed magic, she would have immediately known she was going to go to Hogwarts.
- The image you have chosen does not remotely look like an eleven year old. You will need to find a more age-appropriate picture for Willow. If you cannot find one with your chosen FC, you will need to choose a younger FC until she has gotten old enough for the one you've selected.
Please make these changes, and then edit the thread title to 'Edited' so that we can look your profile over again.
Thank you! ~ ♥ Cara ɱк Quote: A few things
- Firstly, the personality is still very shallow, she doesn't feel like a person so much as a list of traits. Please try to be more in depth regarding what she is like, and why she is that way. Motivations are an important part of a personality.
- Secondly, the backstory now mentions money troubles causing them to move in with family, but there is no reference to this anywhere else. And if they don't have the money to live on their own, why has she been enrolled in dance lessons? Even 'cheap' dance studios are usually very expensive. Is the financial trouble a recent thing? Is her father willing to let them be forced out of their home to live with family just to keep his daughter in dance? Please clear this up.
- The face-claim image is still not age appropriate. She looks 14 at the youngest. Please find a more age-appropriate picture.
Thank you! ~ ♥ Cara ɱк
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Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2017 9:41 pm
xxxtrue bboyxxx
HOGWARTS :: MAXIMILLIAN LEONIS
** Note :: member previously PM'ed regarding vampire status on under construction family. MTA request was denied due to new member status.
08/03/2017 :: Comment no. 1 Quote: Hi there! There are a couple of issues with your profile that you will need to address before it can be marked Pending.
- Firstly, you need to fix the header for the School and Career section. It is supposed to read School and Career, like it did when you first copied the skeleton, as it is a section header to explain what information follows. Changing it to read Hogwarts and None is redundant, as the section includes which school he attends, and obviously as an eleven year old he currently has no career.
- Secondly, he is required to have a total of five dislikes, and currently only has four. Please add another.
- Thirdly, given that the family profiles are still under construction and seem untouched in Ministry of Magic since the message I had to send you previously, I want to make sure you aren't intending to later on add in details regarding his father being a vampire. This is against guild rules; once a character's history is set, it cannot be changed, except to add in details that were missing. Details like a vampire father, and potentially being half-vampire himself, are not ones you are allowed to leave out and add in later. No changes are necessary, but I do need confirmation that you understand this and are not intending to follow through with that aspect of the family.
Please make these changes, and then edit the thread title to 'Edited' so that we can look your profile over again.
Thank you! ~ ♥ Cara ɱк
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Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2018 9:05 pm
xxxDragon Songcrafterxxx
HOGWARTS :: MIDORI RYUBI
02/26/2018 :: Comment no. 2
** Note :: Profile originally checked by Julian. Took over as manager due to insistence to maintain dramatic backstory elements (originally stated to be tied to Japanese royalty, changed to the Yakuza) Cara MiaKitty Hi there! I'm Cara MiaKitty, Student Profiles Manager. Unfortunately there are still a couple of issues with your profile that we need to address.
- We prefer for newer members to start off simply, with simple characters. Unfortunately, a magical child with ties to the Yakuza falls outside of that. Please remove this from the backstory. If you're dead set on having a character with this quality, you may be allowed to make one later on, once you're more familiar with the guild and how it functions.
- Again, the memory under 'strengths'. I'm not sure what you mean by 'eclectic' in this sense. It may be best to simply say they have a very good memory, which makes the point simply.
Please make these changes, and then edit the thread title to 'Edited' so that we can look your profile over again.
Unfortunately, we must give you a profile warning. Please do not remove crew comments from your profile, as this is against guild rules.
Thank you! ~ ♥ Cara ɱк
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Posted: Tue May 15, 2018 8:19 pm
xxxTheCheeks124xxx
HOGWARTS :: OLIVE KNIGHT
05/15/2018 :: Comment no. 1 Hi there! There are a couple of issues with your profile that you will need to address before it can be marked Pending.
- Since your student will be starting Hogwarts in the Fall of 2042, her birth year should be 2031, not 2030.
- Technically speaking, selflessness is not really a 'flaw.' You'll need to explain why a trait that is normally considered a positive is in this case a negative, perhaps by using a term that makes it clear she takes it to the extreme where it is unhealthy, like 'doormat'.
- Unfortunately, there is a rather substantial issue regarding your backstory, specifically in regards to the memory removal. Removing memories is very serious business, and not something that the ministry does unless absolutely necessary. There is no reason for them to've removed the memory of a child, just to spare them some traumatic memories. You will need to edit this section of the backstory to remove this event.
Please make these changes, and then edit the thread title to 'Edited' so that we can look your profile over again.
Thank you! ~ ♥ Cara ɱк
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Posted: Sun Jul 29, 2018 7:10 pm
xxxshadow_the_kitxxx
HOGWARTS :: EIJI CLARKE
07/29/2018 :: Comment no. 1 Cara MiaKitty Hi there! There are a few issues with your profile that you will need to address before it can be marked Pending.
- Firstly, the current guild year is 2042, and with your character's birthday being in November, their birth year should be 2030.
- There is a small issue with your dream job, namely that while you are more than welcome to have your character be an aspiring mangaka, he cannot be the first ever mangaka. There are wizards in Japan, as you clearly are aware by your character being half-Japanese, so it is odd to assume that they would not have come up with magical manga already. Such a thing would surely already exist, and if your character is as in touch with his Japanese heritage as you have made him out to be, he would certainly be aware of this.
- Your personality needs to be expanded. It should be an actual explanation of what he is like, a minimum of one paragraph of at least five descriptive sentences, rather than a simple list of traits. If you find this difficult, you are welcome to take the adjectives you have already used, separate them out, and write descriptions of how each trait presents in his personality. An example of how that is done can be seen here [x]. In addition, 'lover of manga' is not a personality trait. While our personalities can be informed by our interests, they are not personality traits in and of themselves. You can, perhaps, talk about how his personality has been shaped by characters he looks up to instead.
- Due to the way you have your likes and dislikes broken up, it is difficult to say if you have met the requirement. Is the 'enjoy' section meant to be counted as 'likes'? Or are they meant to be hobbies? Hobbies is a separate, and not required, section of the profile, and your officially designated 'likes' section only has three items listed. Please either add two more likes, or combine the two sections. Likewise, the 'dislikes' and 'despise' sections add up to five items, but I'm not sure if they're meant to be counted together or not. Please either combine them, or add more items to one or both sections to bring the number up to five.
- Strengths and weaknesses have a hard limit of two each, please remove the extra items from these sections.
- You are permitted to request an addition to the wand list, however this will leave your profile in the 'pending' stage until the request is processed. It would be easier for you to simply change the core to something already on the list, as unless there is a very good reason for this particular item, we do not usually make additions.
Please make these changes, and then edit the thread title to 'Edited' so that we can look your profile over again.
Thank you! ~ ♥ Cara ɱк 07/30/2018 :: Comment no. 2 Cara MiaKitty There's still a slight issue with your personality.
- Firstly, the phrasing "Constantly chastised by authority figures" needs to be changed. This is not a statement about his behavior, but rather a statement about how others respond to his behavior, which is not your call. You need to make the focus more on the behavior that gets him into trouble in the first place.
- Secondly, that and the following trait cancel each other out. It seems like you've tried to phrase things to show that they apply in different situations, but it still basically boils down to him being both respectful and disrespectful, which is not really a personality trait since that's something that applies to most people. You should either rethink these two traits to make them more distinct, or remove/edit one. Perhaps emphasize the protective aspect, or give more detail on what a person has to do to earn his respect.
Please make these changes, and then edit the thread title to 'Edited' so that we can look your profile over again.
Thank you! ~ ♥ Cara ɱк
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