It occurred to him that surely people didn’t do something they hated out of ‘habit.’ And even more surely not for twenty years. Longer than Naarhiji had even been alive. But it was the only reason he was given, and it made it hard to argue that Malikai’s lack of happiness was from anything but his own choices, as much as Naar would’ve wanted to blame someone else. Not that the older man seemed like that type of person to begin with. Less so if he could go on and on about love and happiness and such when he clearly didn’t have that, either.

“I don’t like to lose,” Naar muttered, his lashes slipping closed as he moved in upon the familiar territory of his home. “So engaging in something I can’t control… I’m not sure it’s worth it. I don’t want to be blissfully and completely happy for one day only to be mind-numbing and paralyzingly miserable for the rest of my life because I lost- by no fault of my own- the best thing I could ever hope to have. And that’s- Mmm, that’s how the situation feels to me. ‘Nothing lasts forever.’ Well neither do I expect love or hate or pain or anything else to. But it’s the pain you’ll remember. Not the kisses and cuddles and hugs. The risks and the benefits… They don’t add up for me. I’m not so unhappy now without it that I need the extra zest. I’m not like you,” Naar hummed on a shrug.

He stepped toward the door, layering his fingers over the long handle before pausing and swiveling back to face the Orderite. “But if you need it, and that’s what you’re looking for to give your life purpose and happiness and you expect it’s the best thing you can hope for, then I almost feel a little bad denouncing it in front of you. I’m not of an interest to go searching for things more likely to hurt me than not, but if it means something to you, that’s your business.”

He reached a hand out, brushing his fingertips across Malik’s cheek and fingering stray strands of hair out of his way. “But I hope for you to have that happiness. You’re too sweet to frown all the time.” Naar leaned forward, perching up on his tiptoes to plant a soft little kiss to the corner of his companion’s mouth. “Goodnight, Malikai,” he murmured before he slipped inside and clicked the door shut behind him.