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 Posted: Sun Oct 18, 2015 7:52 pm
Date: October 18th, 2015
Hello, I have seen a lot of these and figured it would be a better place to organize my thoughts. I will try and post once a week but life is full of surprises so we'll see how that goes. Well let's start off with an introduction in case you don't know the real me. My name is Katelyn Mae Smith and I was born a female. I am twenty years old but my birthday is in two days so I will be twenty-one very soon. I am a transgender American who is still discovering things about myself so please be patient if I use terms incorrectly or don't have a lot of knowledge on certain topics. I am currently and happily engaged with my lovely partner whose name is Clayton. We dated for 5 years before he popped the question at our annual anime convention. We have been engaged for a year and a half because we both are indecisive and have a lot more to save up for before the big day. We are still young and have our whole lives ahead of us, we don't have to rush anything so, we aren't! XD I go to a small community college and am vice president of a LARP club on campus.
I made my decision during the summer of 2015 and have already lost a close friend because she figured I was "being consumed by the devil". I knew she was religious but I told her it wouldn't change anything between us and she blew up and changed for the worse, unfortunately. But I haven't let that one negative experience ruin my choice. The hardest obstacle for me will be transitioning, I am unsure where I want to start that is inexpensive for a college student working part time at a local bar in a tourist town. Plus I want to be fair to my partner, he was with my before I came out and I want him to understand and accept me. It will be a rough road but I think we can do it together.
Anyway, that's all for now, thanks for reading,see you next week~
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Posted: Mon Oct 26, 2015 8:39 am
Hi everyone, it's time for my weekly update. I turned 21 on Tuesday and had a blast being with a bunch of close friends. I had my first strawberry daiquiri and this shot of sour pucker stuff that tasted like a jolly rancher. I also found out I am pretty good at pool! I surprisingly got a bonus from work for my birthday, I didn't think my boss liked me! razz
Anyway, that happened. But the most iconic thing that happened in my life is I went clothes shopping with Clayton. In the men's department. For the first time. He was skeptical and I don't think he feels comfortable with it. Regardless he helped me figure out how to convert my size from women's jeans to men's, I am a 32x34. I am still unsure how he feels about me wanting to fully transition, he reacted badly the first time. I feel Clayton doesn't understand why I want to transition so badly. He told me he hasn't been good enough and feels I want to change because he hasn't been a good partner. I've told him that he has done more than enough for me and nothing can change that but I feel I will constantly have to remind him of this. I'm hoping to do more research with him one on one in order to help him understand.
Any advice is helpful~ Whether it be on transitioning or understanding his emotional standing.
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Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2015 7:38 pm
Date: December 14th, 2015
I am so sorry that I took such a long break from my weekly log, I apologize to anyone who reads these. I had a time where I just didn't want to talk to anyone because of an incident on Halloween. (Long story) Plus I had a crappy english teacher who overloaded us with work and then didn't explain anything while tacking a butt load of points to those assignments. Least to say, I have been busy.
But on to some positive notes~
I wrote a paper for my crappy english class on being transgender. I titled it "Dysphoria" and used a lot of metaphors leading up to me coming out to my class. Some many people were so kind and supportive, it made me extremely happy that they accepted me. The paper was due last week and I have a presentation tomorrow based on the paper. I have to tell the story without reading the paper. So I thought of doing a lesson about how to talk to a transgender person and make them feel comfortable with sharing the knowledge to you. I plan on writing it and showing paper slides and writing on the board while the song "Take me to Church" by Hozier plays in the background. I picked that song purely because of the LGBT theme within the video, the powerful emotion in the tone, and the strong controversial lyrics. I am super pumped!
Another thing I am excited for is the club on campus I am apart of is going on a field trip in February. It's an LGBT and ally club called "Haven", everyone is so nice and helpful when giving advice and support. We have been granted with a fund to go to Indiana for a conference of sorts (I forgot what it's called ><; I will put the name up once I find it again.). Basically it is convention for LGBT individuals and I am super excited!! I am going with a group of ten and I hope to learn more about the others and myself. I still am a bit shaky on what I truly want to be. I know that I am definitely in the wrong body and identify as transgender but I don't know much else than that. I have used the label gender fluid but that doesn't feel right to me anymore. I want to learn as much as I can so I know and can give myself a title to wear proudly. Any suggestions are helpful from you all as well.
Well that's all I have for now, see everyone soon. I will try and post more often now that exam week is almost over.
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Posted: Mon Dec 28, 2015 1:07 pm
Date: December 28th, 2015
Well finals are over as well as all the holidays, next up is New Year's Eve. I passed both of my classes and am ready for the next semester in January. I did more research on the convention I am going to in February with my campus club Haven, it's called: MBLGTACC. It's going to be in Indiana at Purdue University, has anyone ever been there before? I'm kinda nervous since I am still kinda new to coming out. I'm still in the questioning stage and want to learn more. I was able to talk to my partner about transitioning and that relied a lot of stress but I still feel some tension in that department. I have been looking into getting a real binder from a site recommended from this guild: G2B. I am saving up for one and will get it eventually. I was looking into taking testosterone as well. But I have a bunch of questions on that as well. Should I go to the doctor's office to be sure that it's the right choice and hope they are LGBT accepting? I haven't been to the doctor in years, maybe 4, I don't even know if I have health insurance... I'm really nervous, any advice would be very helpful. I hope to figure more out, until then, be safe and be you.
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Posted: Sat Jan 09, 2016 5:01 pm
Date: Saturday January 9, 2016
Tis the new year and nothing has really changed much. I am going to start school on Monday and have tryouts for a play next week. It's a play called "Breaking the Code" and I'm really excited, I hope I get a part in the production. I haven't been doing much theater because of a girl named Emily who thinks she is entitled to everything. She told me that because I was trans that nobody would take me serious in my roles. But I'm determined to try again. Well, wish me luck, I'll let you guys know what happens~
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Posted: Sun Feb 07, 2016 6:47 pm
Date: February 7th, 2016
Well I have been kinda busy, or at least hoping I would be. I have been engaging in a lot of RPs but a lot of them keep falling through which makes me kinda unhappy. But on a side note, college has been pretty good, I suppose. There are a few kinks in my perfect world but there always will be.
I tried out for the play my school is hosting, it's called "Breaking the Code". There is only two "female" roles and is dominantly "male" driven in the cast. On the sign up forms it even had a question for gender, in which case, I circled and wrote the word both above the options. The directer I guess didn't really look over the forms too much because he only had me read "female" parts and then told me I was finished and excused not only me but all the other "females" from the audition hall to finish the rest with all the "males". I felt horrible and that he didn't really care about the people auditioning. A girl I knew from high school had a lot of shows under her belt where she played as characters as the opposite gender and did quite well but even she was sent away. I don't know, maybe I just don't like him and am biased to the way he did things, I probably won't try out for any plays done by that guy again.
Any who, onto another story. I sit next to a guy who thinks I am interested in him and to make matters worse he is very phobic of LGBT topics. I used a lower register once when I was imitating a guy to tell a story and he freaked out saying that if I do it again it would freak people out. I told him why should it matter what tone I take, if you don't like the way I choose to talk, then don't talk to me. He took it the wrong way and thought I was "playing hard to get". What a psycho! The best part is he sits next to me in psychology class and my teacher said we would be doing a segment on gender studies, I can't wait! I already became an experiment once in class because apparently "girls" aren't supposed to be color blind and I am the only one he's met who is. That will be another interesting day when we do gender studies.
Valentine's Day is coming up, in my opinion it is a worthless holiday. It's another candy holiday where they get to over use the color pink and over sexualize people, especially women. I see more condom and lingerie commercials during this time of year than any other time. I hate it with a passion, I am glad my partner does too. But that doesn't stop the college campus from putting on a couples event for Valentine's. First off, it was a Pagan holiday celebrating fertility. Christian Saint Valentine was named in the place of the original holiday. And they don't even know which St. Valentine it's named for!! The most popular one was beheaded because he performed illegal Christian marriages. What's so romantic about this history? I don't get it. But in response to the college couple event, the LARP club I am VP of is throwing a Masquerade Ball. I am at a stand still on what to wear: a dress, or a tux? It's semi formal to formal and I could pull off either look I just am unsure of what to do. I don't even want to go but as a board member I am required. Maybe I will just dj and do nothing, I don't like lovey dovey things and it sickens me to celebrate Valentine's Day.
End rant, I'm done for today. Again, if you have any questions, advice, or comments don't hesitate to give your input.
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