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 Posted: Tue Oct 13, 2015 11:45 am
I feel like s**t at the moment and any hugs would be appreciated. I've been put on paid leave from work along with another member of staff. Basic crux of the situation, the other member of staff lodged a grievance against me, I don't even know what this grievance is. My side of the investigative interview didn't get that far. I was asked to explain what the working relationship between myself and the other member of staff was like. I replied it was strained, and then was asked to elaborate. At which point I broke down and spilled my emotions over the staff room floor so to speak. Basically I explained how this person kept erasing my identity as a trans-man in front of customers and staff (despite living, identifying and presenting as male to the point all my paperwork (except passport, they need a gender recognition certificate first) have my new name and Mr as the title), constantly misgendered me even when corrected or asked to stop, made nasty jokes about rape, sexual assault and other topics you should never joke about and continued to make such jokes and behave in such a way despite them asking not to, despite reporting it to my manager. This is coming from who was almost raped when 15, and was sexually assaulted in the work place by a former manger two years ago. I fell apart and went on to explain that my manager has done nothing about it citing that 'people are still adapting' or 'it's under control' or 'what can i do about it'. When asked why I didn't report the incidents I explained that I had to my manager but didn't feel I could speak to the senior manager who was conducting the investigation because I found him intimidating. The conversation went on and I explained that I also felt that I couldn't talk to HR about it because the last time I dealt with them because I has a problem I got the the reply "This employee does not exist on our records."
In short I'm just a big ******** up ball of emotions at the moment and can't function. I've now got to stay at home with my transphobic catholic mother and I don't know how I'm going to survive. She's driven me close to cutting again since having to move back home and I'm scared she will drive me over the edge again. If that happens I'm scared I won't be coming back from that brink.
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Posted: Wed Oct 14, 2015 10:21 am
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. No matter what happens, remember that we're just a wifi connection away. I would advise you to start looking for another job. It may seem like falling all the way back to square one, but it's better than having to sit on your hands until HR actually does something. Even if it's a minimum-wage gig at a gas station or a grocery store, take this opportunity to find a better job with better people and make it your b***h. Target and Kroger are good places to start, as they are known for being LGBT-friendly places. You can do it! One alternative to cutting I've heard of, and it seems to work for many people, is to wear rubber bands on your wrists and snap those against your skin instead. Please, if you do feel the need to start self-harming, do this instead. I've tried it myself, just to see, and it hurts like a b***h. Then again, I've never resorted to cutting, so I can't really say for myself if it's a sure-proof method or not. Just give it a shot. I don't want you hurting yourself in ways that can't be undone.
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TheCreatureOfHabit Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Oct 15, 2015 3:20 am
I live over in the UK so Target and Kroger don't actually have branches over here. I have been looking for a new job for about a year now and it's difficult to find anything in London which isn't going to leave me paying out more than I earn to get there or which will take me without having a degree. I'm on a minimum wage gig, though I have to thank the government for a 20p pay rise (despite promises of minimum wage workers getting a living wage) I was advised to use the ice cube method if I get that bad because no actual injury occurs, you just squeeze an ice cube and it replicates the same pain sensation.
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Posted: Thu Oct 15, 2015 5:38 pm
Vox_Draconis I live over in the UK so Target and Kroger don't actually have branches over here. I have been looking for a new job for about a year now and it's difficult to find anything in London which isn't going to leave me paying out more than I earn to get there or which will take me without having a degree. I'm on a minimum wage gig, though I have to thank the government for a 20p pay rise (despite promises of minimum wage workers getting a living wage) I was advised to use the ice cube method if I get that bad because no actual injury occurs, you just squeeze an ice cube and it replicates the same pain sensation. Whatever helps you, man. Just take care of yourself and don't break more than you can fix. I hope you're able to find a better job soon, or at least a friendlier one. Do you have any friends who might let you stay over? Being with people who care about you, even if everything else has gone to s**t, can help one more than they realize.
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TheCreatureOfHabit Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Oct 16, 2015 3:27 am
The Caffeinated Infidel Whatever helps you, man. Just take care of yourself and don't break more than you can fix. I hope you're able to find a better job soon, or at least a friendlier one. Do you have any friends who might let you stay over? Being with people who care about you, even if everything else has gone to s**t, can help one more than they realize. Aye, likewise. I do but one's currently abroad and the other has gone to university, I do have a third option which I can use but I wouldn't want to be a burden on them.
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Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2015 11:46 am
Nearly a month later and I'm still on paid leave, did they seriously not understand me when I told them being left to languish on paid leave isn't going to do my mental health any favours. I worked every hour I could get to evade my shitty home existence and earn money so I could pursue my hobbies.
Now that I am stuck at home, I'm being taken for granted and treated as an object rather than a person. I have to but my own food, the parents don't feed me which suits me fine, until they start eating the food I've bought for myself. When I confront them it's all 'it's their house and they can do what they want' they don't even replace the food of mine they've eaten so I'm on one possible two meals a day because they keep eating my food.
They damage my things and don't say anything, when I confront them it's 'you shouldn't have left it out' or 'it's there to be used' which isn't the case, I always put my stuff away. Is it too much to ask to be treated as a human being with all the thoughts, feelings and emotions a human being has?
I thought I had hit rock bottom when this fiasco started, apparently not, and I wonder how much more crap there is between me and absolute rock bottom. At least once I'm there things can only get better.
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Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 8:36 am
Vox_Draconis Nearly a month later and I'm still on paid leave, did they seriously not understand me when I told them being left to languish on paid leave isn't going to do my mental health any favours. I worked every hour I could get to evade my shitty home existence and earn money so I could pursue my hobbies. Now that I am stuck at home, I'm being taken for granted and treated as an object rather than a person. I have to but my own food, the parents don't feed me which suits me fine, until they start eating the food I've bought for myself. When I confront them it's all 'it's their house and they can do what they want' they don't even replace the food of mine they've eaten so I'm on one possible two meals a day because they keep eating my food. They damage my things and don't say anything, when I confront them it's 'you shouldn't have left it out' or 'it's there to be used' which isn't the case, I always put my stuff away. Is it too much to ask to be treated as a human being with all the thoughts, feelings and emotions a human being has? I thought I had hit rock bottom when this fiasco started, apparently not, and I wonder how much more crap there is between me and absolute rock bottom. At least once I'm there things can only get better. Not to sound like an a** hole but with regards to your parents. Do to them what they do to you. Use theire shampoo. ( its there to be used ) eat their foods ( it'll spoiler other wise ) and don't take s**t from them as an excuse or allow them to walk on top of you as a person. Iv not revealed anything to my family but they already know im not the type of person to take their s**t. You don't need to turn to the dark side to get your point across but when all else has failed sometimes you just need to play their games but better. And the most overwhelmingly important thing is to NOT get upset when they return fire. Protect yourself. If that means locking everything you own in a trunk/chest when its not is use so they can't get to it without braking into your things ( and id recommend calling the police then ). Catching them on Video/Audio when they use your stuff or having someone who's impartial to this present just to call them out of there BS behavior then it should be done. Take it from me. When my grand mother treat me about the same way i brought friends over and we watched videos of how she acted and let her act use in the act. She never let me have friends over again but she also never thought to test my ability to put her in her place with respecting me.
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Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2015 11:50 am
I am finally allowed back to work. Common sense has prevailed and the asshat phobe has been moved to a different store in a different part of the city. Now to try and piece things back together.
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