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 Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 2:43 am
I'm not looking for sympathy or attention just someone who may be willing to help me through these hard times. A person(s) willing to listen and offer support.
I'm not usually one to share personal info or to ask for this type of help. However, I'm stressed to wits end and fear I may not be able to handle it on my own. Any adivice you have would be very much appreciated.
I am 18, married and pregnant with my first child. With that, all the normal worries, (Am I up to the challange of raising a baby? Will I be a good mom?) but also the stresses of being a teen pregnancy. (Friends who want nothing to do with us, peoples judging; you know, the like.)
(My husband is supportive and will help me with any concerns I have. However, the time we get to spend with each other one-on-one is limited and I would like it not to be spent crying. So please don't ask why I don't turn to him.)
Now where and how to begin...
About a month ago I was told my mom has been diagnosed with cancer. Both leukemia and bone cancer. When I visited her she informed me the doc gave her 6 to 11 months to live. My mom-in-law is going into surgerie for precancerous cells, and my grandma is failing in her fight against alzheimers.
I feel like I'm on some uncontrollable roller coaster with no seat belt. Going through loops, turns, and dark tunnels trying to hold on. Watching as a wall of water (baby's birth) creeps closer, hoping it won't throw me from my sanity. My baby is due in 2 weeks and I don't know how I'll be able to cope with the stress of a newborn as well as the thoguht of losing both my mom and grandma, and the fear of cancer showing up in my mom-in-law too. The knowledge that 2 of the best women I know will be gone has me scared out of my mind.
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Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 7:35 pm
I wish I could give you some advice, but I'm here for moral support.
PM me anytime if you need to talk. *hugs*
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Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 9:03 pm
I don't have a whole lot of advice, but take a deep breath. You're going through a stressful time, especially being a first time mom.
Don't keep these things bottled in. Don't try to take on caring for everyone. You have to take care of yourself as well. Take it easy for you and the baby.
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Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 4:26 am
There's not a whole lotyou can do except talk about it with people. Especially the people you'er worried about. I was always one to bottle things up, and all it does is make you feel a lot lot worse once the cupboards full, so to speak.
I can udnerstand in a way, how you're feeling. My nan had a stroke last year, I was five or six months pregnant, and I thought I was going to lose her. She's still here, but everyday, when I think about her, worry that I will lose her. It was only having my daughter that helped her gain the strength to pull through. A couple of years ago my mum tried to commit suicide, so I nearly lost her then. Both my nan and my mum mean the world to me. So does my partner and father of my child, who is a diabetic who inthe past, didn't take care of himself properly. I worry everytime he becomes ill, because every admission he has is one step closer to the end. I still haven't really talked about all of this, btu what have talked about has helped me a lot.
As for being a teenage mum, I was sixteen when I fell pregnant. my family has stood by me, my friends adore Kyra, and as for strangers giving me filthy looks. Well, I stick a finger up to them, because they don't know me (not literally stick a finger up at them, though sometimes I feel like actually doing as such)
I really hope you can get your fears out into the open, because with a baby due, it's not right to bottle it all up, nor is it fair on your child when he or she comes into the world. Don't make a cycle, your child will pick up on your negative feelings and will lead to depression later in their life. It's not a cycle you want to start.
I am here if ever you need a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen smile
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Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 7:50 am
Wow, you have a lot to contend with at the moment huh?
I think that given the situation, to deal with the negative, you need to look to the positive to help you.
Think of the good in your life, and what you have to look forward to.
You still have time with your mum, and your mother in law is being well cared for, so ensure that they spend plenty of time with the baby while they can. (know that if a cancer can be operated on then there is alot of hope for recovery)
Your Mum might be ill, but it doesn't mean that she is not there for you right now. She is still your Mum, and will still want life to be as normal as it can be, so I expect she will still want to know what her little girl is thinking and feeling, especially with such a big event on the way!
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Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 8:46 pm
This may sound a little cold, so please take it with the careing it is intended. You need to resolveyour self to the facts of life and then go from there. It will make things happier in the end. Choose to make the MOST out of the time left instead of focusing on what you are going to loose.
You will want your little one to know how darn special your mom was, how much Grandma loved them and you and would have liked to be there. Make vidio's or a photo diary for you little one and you to look at later when they are older. It will give your child a sense of history and ancestry that will be very healthy for them. You will be glad you did it.
Not fearing death and embracing the time you have left with mom and grandma will help you deal. I know the losse will be huge, but at least you will have your mom for some of the time. Ask mom to make a vidio for you about "mom advice" Perhaps later on you will look back on it and feel supported.
AS for being a good mom, I find the ones who are concerned about being a good parent and take action to do something about it by reading and educating themselves about how to be a good parent will be really awsome parents!
There will be time for greiving when they are gone, live life with them int he time you have left!
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Posted: Wed Mar 22, 2006 10:19 am
Thank you all. I will try to calm down and do as you suggested. I am gratefull to know there are people who are willing to help even tohugh you've never met me.
@ Krystlanna:
If it sounds cold then no worries, I didn't see it as such.
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Posted: Wed Mar 22, 2006 11:48 am
I've never been in your situation, but, my mother and grandfather died the same week, when I was in 6th grade (over 7 years ago now), and... I can tell you that life moves on... the grief stays, there are still nights I cry... but, it's handleable... I went from being a "normal" (there is NO such thing as normal, in my mind) 6th grader to taking care of my little brother and dealing with a dad who spent more time during the day sleeping than anything else.... it was hard, but doable.
I know you can do it. Life is full of lemons, sit down and drink a glass of lemonade.
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Posted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 9:59 pm
I am glad you took what I said in the spirit it was intended... see my dad was not much of a dad, we never had a good relationship... he turn out to be not a bad grandfather though... my kids love him. Now he is comming slowly to the end of his life and so very little matters anymore. He made mistakes in his life and is learning just how special family is. So I am keeping my mouth shut so my children will have good memories of him.
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