Last summer at A-Kon, I was nearly run over by an ex-friend who tried to chase me down all because I cosplayed as Sebastian from "Black Butler".
He's always given me grief for cosplaying as this character, going as far back as 2011.
This was the conversation we had:
Him: Hey, what cosplays do you have lined up for A-Kon?
Me: Oh I got England and I'm thinking of doing Sebastian.
Him: Seriously? Don't do him.
Me: Why?
Him: Too popular and overhyped.
Me: Got a better reason?
Him: Hey, I gotta go. Grandma needs me to go and get some groceries. Catch ya later.
I went ahead and did my own version of Sebastian that year. However, he asked me why I did this. I said it was my own free will and that anyone can go as Sebastian.
After that, he relentless kept hounding me to not do this character. I ignored him, his texts, etc.
Then came 2012. A week before I left for Austin, he IMs me and asked if I was going there. I blew him off.
I went to said convention in Austin and he saw me from his elevator when it stopped at my floor. He looked at me when I went to the elevator to see whether there was room to get in, then he said "******** you". After which said elevator doors shut.
When I got to the ground floor from the next elevator and saw him in line for the Masquerade, he was rolling on the floor laughing about what he had just done. The Sunday of said convention, I overheard him bragging to his friends on how he told a few others who did Sebastian that weekend that same phrase.
That made me break down internally and just lose all confidence in myself in this character.
Cue to the present scenario. I want to go to conventions again, but after what happened last summer, I don't know what to do anymore. I'm afraid for my safety if he finds me once more and he's gone as far as to try and do whatever it takes to get in my face in all means necessary to not let me get away.
Help?
Posted: Thu May 07, 2015 8:26 pm
First off, that dude was clearly harassing you. That's report-worthy. If he does that s**t again, report his a**.
As for your cosplay -- It's true that Sebastian used to be a really popular character to cosplay, but I think the trend is dying down. The character with the rainbow cloud prop from some other anime is far more cosplayed than Sebastian, of whom I've seen only one, if that, at every con I've been to lately, and I've been to three or four different cons in the past year or so. You should be good on the "OMG He's wearing the same cosplay" problem.
Furthermore, cosplay is not about being cool. If it was, we nerds and weirdos wouldn't be doing it. Cosplay is about self-expression, parody and theatrical improv. If you feel a connection to this character and consider yourself to be rather good at portraying him, and if you think you've found your niche as a costumer, go for it. Cosplay and roleplay the ******** out of that character. (Just don't be like that one Sebastian at AM 2014, walking around with a tray of sweets he wouldn't let anybody eat. ******** do not exist to be a breeding ground for hatred, nitpicking and drama. They were intended since conception to be the exact opposite: a cess pool of love, acceptance and pride in the things that make us squee. Cosplay whoever the ******** you want, and if that guy gives you trouble, tell security or book it to the LARP arena. My people are your people. heart
If you can muster up your courage, confront him in the next con about what he did and how he shouldn't be doing that / he's an idiot for doing that. I have made a lot of douchebags shut up by going up to them and stating the obvious for them, all the other people in the same room will side with you over a person who's ruining a convention for someone. Just to make it clear, it's in no way your fault nor it's about your choice of cosplay, it's all about his attitude/lack of maturity.
Safe place: Make one by arranging a meet up for the fans of the series you're cosplaying from, you could make new friends that way too!
But, honestly speaking, I can relate to the uncomfortable feelings you're having. I have talked to some Naruto-fans at conventions because Naruto used to be so over hyped in Finnish con scene that some of them got crap for it. That's why I was nervous cosplaying Sasuke, since it's over done, over hyped and people IRL have told me they dislike Naruto cosplayers.
--> Did it anyway and no one gave me trouble for it, instead I ran into some other fans, took photos with them and ate snacks. And if I hear some of my friends or even friends of friends at cons saying stuff like "Wow Naruto series / cosplayers suck" I usually yell something like "Whaaat but I really like the series / I had so much fun cosplaying", it usually makes them think more about if it's ok to bad-mouthing something, but then again, they're not morons like your ex-friend, sorry...
Posted: Mon May 18, 2015 8:33 pm
Riivaaja
Your advice is what my therapist has stated actually. However I'm afraid he's going to hurt me. :c
Sifen Yamishi
Wordsmith Vampire
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Riivaaja
Durem Dark Elf
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Posted: Mon May 18, 2015 11:57 pm
Sifen Yamishi
Riivaaja
Your advice is what my therapist has stated actually. However I'm afraid he's going to hurt me. :c
Ehh, I guess me and them agree on conquering stuff which troubles us/people, then. (-: But you bet I would be afraid too in your situation! Since this guy does seem to be unpredictable.
I think I would approach the situation with thinking if I even needed an escape route, where to/to whom to go if things go badly, but the truth is, if he attacks you, you most likely don't have much time to run away from the situation. (Yes, I think leaving the situation is always a good choice)
So, think what you can do in a threatening situation, if I were you, I would do something like this: When you go up to him, keep a decent amount of distance, like so that your or his arms can't reach one another(s throat for example). If there are signs of him losing it / threat of violence, immediately raise your arms in front of yourself with your palms facing towards him, back away couple of big steps and loudly yell "calm down", "whoa" or "hey stop it"! Because if someone is approaching you, they WILL stop if they get yelled at their face, or at least it will slow them down allowing you to back away more and will also make other people notice the situation: It's a distress call. Your body language also tells that you do not wish to get into any trouble, he/other people might pick that up naturally.
But I have to empathize that this is pretty much what my teacher told students in school and a lot of it is up to you, it doesn't mean anything couldn't happen, but this can help to make you feel mentally prepared, you know.
Posted: Tue May 19, 2015 8:33 pm
Riivaaja
Sifen Yamishi
Riivaaja
Your advice is what my therapist has stated actually. However I'm afraid he's going to hurt me. :c
Ehh, I guess me and them agree on conquering stuff which troubles us/people, then. (-: But you bet I would be afraid too in your situation! Since this guy does seem to be unpredictable.
I think I would approach the situation with thinking if I even needed an escape route, where to/to whom to go if things go badly, but the truth is, if he attacks you, you most likely don't have much time to run away from the situation. (Yes, I think leaving the situation is always a good choice)
So, think what you can do in a threatening situation, if I were you, I would do something like this: When you go up to him, keep a decent amount of distance, like so that your or his arms can't reach one another(s throat for example). If there are signs of him losing it / threat of violence, immediately raise your arms in front of yourself with your palms facing towards him, back away couple of big steps and loudly yell "calm down", "whoa" or "hey stop it"! Because if someone is approaching you, they WILL stop if they get yelled at their face, or at least it will slow them down allowing you to back away more and will also make other people notice the situation: It's a distress call. Your body language also tells that you do not wish to get into any trouble, he/other people might pick that up naturally.
But I have to empathize that this is pretty much what my teacher told students in school and a lot of it is up to you, it doesn't mean anything couldn't happen, but this can help to make you feel mentally prepared, you know.
The problem with James is that he won't stop until he gets you.
Have you talked to the staff at the con? I am guessing they will not immediately kick this person out, but if they have on record that this person might harass/attack you in some way and he starts behaving aggressively, they are more likely to remove him. They may even have security pay a little extra attention to what is going on around you.
Posted: Sat May 23, 2015 6:03 pm
Valenas
Have you talked to the staff at the con? I am guessing they will not immediately kick this person out, but if they have on record that this person might harass/attack you in some way and he starts behaving aggressively, they are more likely to remove him. They may even have security pay a little extra attention to what is going on around you.
I had a contact named Maegan a while back after being harassed a few years ago, but after calling her this past week, she didn't pick up and all I got was a voicemail that said said number she gave me belonged to someone named 'Fred'. sad
At worst, I'll have to talk to someone on staff when I go in on Pre-Reg day.
Have you talked to the staff at the con? I am guessing they will not immediately kick this person out, but if they have on record that this person might harass/attack you in some way and he starts behaving aggressively, they are more likely to remove him. They may even have security pay a little extra attention to what is going on around you.
I had a contact named Maegan a while back after being harassed a few years ago, but after calling her this past week, she didn't pick up and all I got was a voicemail that said said number she gave me belonged to someone named 'Fred'. sad
At worst, I'll have to talk to someone on staff when I go in on Pre-Reg day.
They probably recycle numbers as people move in and out of positions with the con.
Good idea, I did not even think of doing it on pre-reg day.
Posted: Sat May 23, 2015 6:08 pm
Valenas
They probably recycle numbers as people move in and out of positions with the con.
Good idea, I did not even think of doing it on pre-reg day.
Yeah. I want to go to conventions even moreso now, but I need to look out for my safety first.
if the a** isn't going to appreciate the time you put into being a cosplayer, don't bother with him. Really, no one should have to deal with such rude behavior over what you choose to do. Also I'm pretty sure its considered harassment and you're allowed to report him to the workers of the convention to possibly have him warned/kicked out. Probably kicked out/revoked or whatever from the convention since he's pretty open about making you uncomfortable along with other sebastion cosplayer.
I'm sorry you had to deal with such a terrible experience cause of him. No convention go-ers want that experience and those who work/volunteer for said convention want their attendees to deal with it. So please, if he literally does so every time you attend any convention. Report him every time.