 Posted: Fri May 01, 2015 4:51 pm
CimmHood
Part One Cimmerian came to realize the meaning of Outcast at the tender age of four. Outcast was the one who didn't fit in, who was different from the rest. Outcast was the one that everyone whispered about when they thought Outcast was not listening, marking Outcast as something bad, something wrong. He was that Outcast. But that somehow didn't bother him, and that made him even more Outcast than before.
At first he noticed it subtly. The difference in fur tones and texture from the others, the stark contrast of the way he preferred things compared to the other cubs, and even in the way the adults would look at him. Eyes filled with anger, disgust, pity, or sometimes even shame. They would always turn their eyes away though, leaving the young feline to decipher the meaning of such eyes on his own. Only the adults looked at him like this, though. The other Shinx in the pride would come up and invite him to play without any of the negativity filled eyes the adults held. He would ignore them. They weren't the same as he was, for he had found his insides filling with the same emotions in the adult's eyes when he looked into those of the perfectly happy cubs.
That was when the whispering started. They would call him names, say he was strange, that he shouldn't be there. That he should change. Cimmerian never minded, though, as long as they stayed whispers. He quite enjoyed the solitude when the other cubs stopped trying to coax him into their games, but the more he stayed to himself, the more whispers flowed through the pride ranks. Adults started whispering not only about him, but his mother as well.
He learned that while he was the Outcast, his mother was the Adulterer. The lionesses would scorn her and shun her for what they called betrayal against the pride leader. Even the menacing Luxray would look down his nose at the Adulterer with shame and disgust. His mother wept on the days her title would bring her much suffering from the others.
”Mother...?” Cimmerian approached her during one of her sobbing fits outside of the main den, the crisp midnight air sending shivers into his system as he took in his mother's shaking form under the pale glow of the moon. The Luxray lioness was startled to hear his voice as she snapped her sad eyes on to the tiny dark colored Shinx. For a moment he saw a new emotion in her amber gaze that he'd never seen in any other adult's eyes before. They were harsh, both angry and regretful at the same time, causing an instinctual guilt to build in his chest in response to those eyes.
”What is it, boy?” His mother spat through her crying, and his heart constricted in fear.
”I'm sorry...” It didn't feel like enough. Those words meant so much. They carried the weight of regret, sorrow and fear. Sympathy and shame. Memories as well as unborn events. Yet Cimmerian knew they weren't nearly enough, because his mother scoffed bitterly in reply.
”As you should be.” A sniffle escaped the Luxray as she sat up, back facing the moon and casting her form as a mere silhouette. ”I should have left you with your father.”
It was a low blow for such a young one. He shivered as he looked up at the malice filled, glinting red and yellow eyes. ”Y-you don't want me?' The moment was stretched taught, awaiting to be either relaxed or snapped by a single word the young feline was awaiting with baited breath for.
”Do you know the meaning of your name?” He blinked against the dampness as the unexpected question was asked. Floppy ears waggled as he shook his head. ”Cimmerian; Lack of light. Darkness. It was a name your father picked out for you.” Cimmerian's eyes drifted upwards uncertainly, and suddenly her shadowing form was not one of safety and comfort anymore, but one of unwanted truth that promised misery. ”He couldn't have been more accurate in naming you. The horrible gift he left me with. The one thing that stole my love; my light.”
”I....” Confusion washed over him, pulling him into an abyss of dark feelings. He wanted to apologize, to climb out of the pit, but it hadn't worked before and it wouldn't work now. In his silence he gave room for his mother to come to a conclusion of sorts. She lifted herself to her full height suddenly.
”I won't let him steal it any more.” Her words were whispered harshly, but her wavering image in front of him revealed hurt and scared eyes. Eyes that were no longer filled with animosity, but grief. Something inside Cimmerian clicked together, or maybe it cracked apart. Whatever the case may have been he knew what his mother was conveying. And somehow she knew he had come to the correct conclusion, as she swung around without another glance and stalked back into the depths of the prides den.
Cimmerian stood underneath the moon, not moving and staring ahead. His mother's words echoed loudly through his mind.
That night was the first he didn't sleep as an Outcast, but an Orphan.
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