Welcome to Gaia! ::

For week 2, Jean has offered to lead our discussion on the workforce and you. These are their discussion points for you guys to work with. Don't forget that you guys are more than welcome to put in your own two cents:

-Disclosure of status to coworkers and management: what are effective ways to communicate this life change? How should non-compliant coworkers be handled (i.e. refusing to address by new name/pronouns)? Some people end up in jobs where status can't be disclosed for various reasons - what are ways to stay safe and sane in that situation?
- Customers/clients/patients: what happens when you're treated poorly? Does your employer support you? Where do you draw the line between remaining professional but standing your ground?
- What do you do about seeking work? Are there resources or other signs to tell if a potential employer is LBGTQ friendly?
- I also had a thought about social media versus the workplace, as in potentially being outed because a coworker started fishing around or the company got curious, but maybe social media could be a whole other topic, too.

A lot of this would be experience-sharing as well as opinions. Hopefully it will be helpful for people to hear about a supportive workplace, learn what signs to avoid when seeking employment, and where to go/what to do when someone is being disrespectful.

Since I recently moved from Florida up to North Dakota and have been at my new job for almost three months I'll tell you about my experiences thus far. Since I never bothered with it before now.

My boyfriend (also an FtM) had told people once he was hired that his boyfriend was down in Florida waiting to come up. Do to appearances they instantly figured he was a lesbian and said "It's okay you can tell us that it's your girlfriend". As weird as that was it kinda worked in our favor. (Our boss is a
lesbian.)
At this point about half of the other staff have been told privately by us that we're trans* and all so far are very accepting. I don't feel like I'm going to lose my job over it or anything else, but then again since those that do know keep it to them selves, we aren't being addressed as our preference unless we're out of work.

I'm glad you've worked for respectful employers, Riivaaja! Although it's true client reactions can't be anticipated I think an employer could still say "if a client is discriminatory we support our employees first." That's something I'll be asking possible future employers about for sure if I'm going to be working with clients at all.

I never experienced an obvious discriminatory incident but instead sat on the receiving end of a whole lot of crap attitude (crapitude?) from customers and coworkers (mainly customers) for years with no clear explanation. I was told I was "rude," I was "too intense," that I had poor "tone," but rarely was there a specific "this is what you did wrong, here's what you can do to improve." For a while I thought I had a major failing as a worker and even as a person*. When I identified as non-binary and examined my working experience in context it clarified many possibilities as to why peoples' perceptions were what they were. Maybe this falls in line with feminism as well since short and curvy reads as "woman" to the majority, but there were times customers couldn't see that - we were on the phone. My behaviors and speech are direct, articulate, and if I focus enough my voice is difficult to discern as male or female. Maybe that upset people on an unconscious level? No matter the reason what became most important to me was presenting myself honestly. I wasn't about to behave more feminine to make people comfortable (no employer ever directly SAID that, but I believe that was largely their problem with me).

I have real self-confidence and security now in my identity. Disclosing "I am non-binary, my pronoun is they" is something I hope I can do at my future job. I'm worried that it would be inappropriate at the interview, although as Lawrence said addressing pronouns from the get-go would be amazing. But same here, I'm still working on my comfort levels.

Applying for jobs: I've quit in the middle of online job applications because they insisted on including a non-optional male/female demographic question. I'm planning on using my first initial only on resumes going forward because I don't want my gender to influence the initial selection process.

LGBTQ friendly? I'm going to do my research when I start looking for work again. I'd like to say "I'll never work for a bigoted company" but I have elderly family to help care for - I may not be able to afford to be noble. In my past experience just because a company does things like offer partner benefits doesn't mean they foster a positive environment in day-to-day operations.

Social Media - Lawrence, you nailed it. I have exactly one former coworker friended because so many of them never seemed to make it past junior year high school in terms of social interaction. I'm very careful about what I post and who I post it to, but still wonder if an employer will go digging, see a mention of trans* support and skip hiring me or give me the cold shoulder in the future. I have a FtM acquaintance who was accidentally outed to coworkers this way who spent a few anxious weeks wondering how he would be treated. Thankfully his company and managers are VERY LGBTQ-friendly but it was still an unpleasant experience.

* This also had to do with being unaware of my depression and anxiety at the time, thanks brain chemistry!

RynDraik: grats on escaping Florida! xp I often wonder how much of my own experience has to do with the area. I find the gators and recent anaconda populations are more tolerant than some of the people here.

Something happened this week that I think applies here.

An acquaintance of mine who is gender fluid and presents androgynously interviewed for a part time job, was given said job, but left after the first day when some obvious red flags came up. There were a lot of issues, but one was a refusal to address them by their given name. Their real name is like the name "Alex" - it could be short for "Alexander" or "Alexandria" but they ONLY go by "Alex." The employer, after hiring them and giving no indication their name was a problem, kept addressing them as "Alexandria" even after being corrected. Misgendering went on as well. Thankfully Alex did not leave their current job and still have work, but just that SINGLE day was an incredibly uncomfortable and insulting situation for them. They even second-guessed how upset they were but their loving partner helped put the situation in perspective.

This actually went beyond the single day there, however. They shared this story over FB and someone on their f-list - let's just use "John" - tried to say "they were trying to tell you to use a more professional name." When Alex, their partner, and other friends explained the would-be employer was attempting to control the way Alex presented themselves, John kept throwing out every strawman argument he could, even after various situations* were discussed. In the end he revealed himself not only as trans-unfriendly, but racist to boot**. John's spouse later posted "oh, he was just trolling," but frankly I think "just trolling" equates to "boys will be boys." Especially when this went on for almost two days and over 100 total replies after Alex's initial "I'm not taking the job and here's why" post.

So not only did Alex have a poor experience with a potential employer, but a so-called friend tried to veil their bigotry via "but your name isn't professional." rolleyes I'm sure they're no longer on Alex's f-list.

* Comparisons included the fact shortened names/nicknames are much more common in business/professional interaction in our region of the US as well as reminding John there are vastly different naming conventions in other countries; one friend specifically brought up their Filipino background and how none of the names in her parent's country would be seen as "unprofessional"
** Another friend, who got incredibly angry at John, asked him "would you consider names such as Lateysha and Takwanda to be unprofessional?" His reply was "customer call center." Friend got (rightfully) angrier considering 1) both of those people were her fellow coworkers in a specialized medical field and 2) holy s**t was that racist!