[Candidate] Biran of High Reaches Hold

[TawnyAngel]

Dreams

I had that dream again last night, I was flying on a dragon. I think it was green but I didn't get too clear an impression of it, I saw the stars above me and my Hold below but the Hold seemed to glow with its own light and in the dream I knew that it glowed with the lives of the people who call it home. Then we were flying through Threadfall, and the dragon - I think I was the dragon at that point - opened its jaws and flamed every bit out of the sky.

I awoke then and went to my window. The stars outside were bright but there were no dragons, and I looked up at the stars with a terrible longing. Honor those the dragons heed, and the riders in turn honor the oath they take. I know it by heart, and I know more besides thanks to Minus and Garrick. I know what a rider must do, must be, and I could do and be all of that. I wish I could. I feel terribly selfish for that, for wishing I could leave my duties here in favor of a life on dragon wings but I cannot shake it. It has been turns and I cannot shake it. Quietly I am learning more and more of what a rider must know from my good friends, but I feel like a child playing pretend as they tell me. That is not my life, cannot be, and yet could it not? Could another not take my place? Why should my brother, or one of my sisters not enter the cavalry? Our parents can hardly object to a woman riding tall on a wher after all!

Why must I do what I am told and not what I long to do?

Ah, but who can say if a dragon would even have me? I have not been Searched, after all.  

[TawnyAngel]

Changes

With Turns' End celebrations behind us we are in a flurry preparing for the wedding. It may not be for another three months but there is much to do, we will be hosting our allies from around Pern and we must make a strong showing to them and to our own people. I still dread the day I lose my sister to another family but she seems quite happy with the match that has been made for her, I know she is excited to be a Lady Holder with all the duties that entails. I shall try to be happy for her.

At least now I will be able to send her letters without relying on anyone else. Mother still isn't pleased with me for buying Grace when she rather pointedly did not allow me a firelizard for my sixteenth birthday but I think her ire is cooling a little now, especially as I told her one of the reasons I wanted one so much was to be able to write regularly to my dear sister. I will have to arrange for Grace to learn where Igen is of course, perhaps hiring a rider for a day is in order in the not too distant future. The cost is far greater these days of course but I can afford it, and Minus and Garrick are still friendly with some riders who were candidates with them I believe so it shouldn't be hard to find one willing to help me out.

On another note I think I need to find somebody to help me train Grace, I don't really know what I'm doing to be quite honest and I don't want to raise a spoiled firelizard. I haven't much time for that at the moment however, and I doubt I will until the wedding is passed. Still, all things in good time I suppose. For now I shall try to look on the bright side, there will be riders at the wedding and I shall no doubt have a chance to mingle with their new Weyrleader O'ail and their other leaders. I can still hardly believe a blue won that last flight, perhaps I can ask Weyrmistress Shylla about that too though I am sure she must be sick to death of people talking about it by now. Perhaps I won't then, it doesn't seem to have affected the hatchlings I gather so perhaps I should not treat it as though it matters.  

[TawnyAngel]

Bigger changes

I write this journal entry from High Reaches Weyr, where I am now a candidate. I can scarce believe it!

Gold rider Nersha, who I previously met on that unfortunate wher hunt, Searched me during the wedding. I accepted on the spot of course but I only broke the news to mother and father the next day. They weren't happy but as I had already given my word I wasn't prepared to back down, wouldn't have been even had I not! There was an argument but I won out in the end, it is the duty of all the people of Pern to allow riders to Search their children after all! In any case I am a second son and so it is my destiny to bond, I always knew that but I always thought it would be to a wher not to a dragon!

When I arrived they shaved my head and gave me a uniform to replace my own clothes, neither of which I enjoyed but I am quite prepared to endure for the chance to Impress. My personal effects here are reduced to a couple of outfits for rest days, one for gathers, and my jewelry. I think I may send my jewelry home however and have Grace fetch it at need, I don't like to think ill of my fellows but I've caught one lad sidling up to my trunk! It is strange to find myself rubbing shoulders with such... such diverse people. Most of them seem like very fine folk however and I'm sure I will learn a great deal from them in the coming months.

Tomorrow I will start boot camp, I don't think I shall find it especially difficult but I understand the need to instill discipline in new recruits. I shall set a good example to my peers and hope to get this stage over with quickly, the sooner I can get on to learning dragon lore the better! I gather however that I will probably find myself engaged in many tedious chores during the time that others are learning the basics of literacy and law. Perhaps I can arrange to assist in lessons rather than wasting my time on menial tasks better suited to drudges? There's certainly no harm in asking, Candidatemaster Venk - formerly Weyrmaster Venk - seems like a very reasonable fellow, though there is a marked difference in how he addresses me now compared to how we spoke at the feast! I suppose that's understandable, I am his charge now rather than his guest of honor.

All in all I think I would struggle to be more thrilled to be here. There will be hardship I have no doubt but it will all be worthwhile when I find my dragon and rise up to become a great rider, a protector of all the people of Pern! I wonder what my dragon will be like? I gather a lad such as myself should hope to Impress to a bronze, I've always been aware distantly that this is how things are among riders but it still feels a little odd to think of bronzes as dominant over greens. I think I shall do just fine whatever colour my bondmate turns out to be though, no matter the challenges we shall succeed together! I should end this now however and get some sleep, it is almost lights out and there will be much to do tomorrow.  

[TawnyAngel]

Moving up

Well, the months have quite flown by! Although boot camp was rather basic I have learned a great deal about the Weyr and about riders just by being here. Today I move up a peg in the pecking order and as I am already literate - I know most people aren't but how strange it feels to actually live among lads my own age who can scarce write their own name! - that means I move quickly into lessons and pick up extra chores. I already know most of what I need to about law and politics of course but I have much to learn about dragons and the intricacies of the Weyr's history and so on.

What I'm looking forward to most however is becoming a squire, I do hope Venk allows me to accelerate to that point quickly given my skills and knowledge! Ideally I would like to squire to a member of First Wing, I don't believe Wingleader I'ne has a squire at the moment! That is probably wishful thinking but a wingrider of her wing would be almost as good, or perhaps a second wing rider? I wonder if their wingseconds has squires at present.

Well, I am getting ahead of myself! For now I must focus on excelling in my studies so that I can progress quickly. It would be foolhardy to believe I will be ready to Stand for Sereth's upcoming clutch but I hope to be ready in time for the next and who knows, a dragon could well choose me out of the Stands! Not likely again I know but I can dream, the sooner I am a full fledged rider the happier I shall be.  

[TawnyAngel]

Perhaps this was all a mistake.

A candidate is dead, Adaan. He was only thirteen, hoping to Stand for the first time for the clutch after this one, and he's dead. Others will never Stand again, and this is because of me yet I am unscathed.

I killed one of them but I don't even feel good about that. I don't know what I do feel about it. I didn't realise I'd done it until I saw the blood on my blade, and then him dead in the dirt. What am I supposed to feel about it? I don't know who to ask, or if I should ask.

My parents want me to renounce my candidacy and return home to marry and take up a place in the wherguard and maybe I should but I don't want to. I still want to be a rider, to fight people like that, to fight all who do wrong. I want to grow stronger so that next time I can defend my fellows and myself adequately.

I shall write home to let them know I will be remaining here, and express my hope that what I've heard about father's threat to retract tithes from the Weyr is baseless rumor.