It's been awhile since I've posted, I know. I don't have a lot of time to spend on Gaia....
Anyways, I need advice + rant in the spoiler at the end.
I met this girl on an art community a couple months back when she was defending her friend for stealing my designs. She wanted to apologize after to me after I said I wanted nothing to do with either of them, but I humored the idea of her groveling for my forgiveness so I gave her my KIK.
*I'm a shitty person, I know. Karma got me back, don't worry*
Her and I started talking and actually became, what I consider, pals. To me, a pal isn't a friend but it's a step above an acquaintance. She was just someone on there that I could talk to whenever I wanted a light-hearted conversation. Well, things went from light-hearted to really dark really fast.
In a sense, she's become obsessed with me. When I don't reply fast enough or not at all, she'll make up drama. How do I know it's fake? I don't know 100% that it's fake, but all these things happening within about a 2 month span seems really unlikely. Examples are....
- She told me that she wanted to date me & that she has a husband, but it wouldn't be cheating because I'm bigender. When I told her that I consider that cheating, she changed the story to that they're not married and that they're just engaged.
- I didn't reply to one of her messages & in 1 hour she told me her grandpa JUST passed away and was going to a funeral which lasted 20 minutes.
- I was busy and replied to a text of hers after 10 mins & after I told her that I was busy, she said that all of the sudden her dad came over to her house just to call her fat & that she wants to kill herself & the only way to make her feel better is to put down what I'm doing & talk to her.
- I told her, a few days ago, I cared about her (I didn't specify as a friendly way) and so she said that she just walked in on her fiance having sex with her friend. The next morning, she changed the story to him having sex with her mother and her sister instead. The same day, she said she had a full divorce with her FIANCE and that she won the apartment and kicked him out.
- She'll start saying that people on the art community we met one are harassing her but she never has proof and never directs me to the messages/comments where they're doing so. She never screen caps it and when I tell her that I'm going to talk to them, she says that she deleted the drawing that they attacked her on. (When she could have easily tagged a moderator so that they could take care of the situation).
Basically, when I don't reply, she creates drama. Not only that, but she's been lying about her art as well. Her art looks very suspicious, like it's been traced, but I never cared to look into it. By pure coincidence, I came across a free to use lineart on DA that was posted months ago and it was the same lineart she claimed to create a few days ago. So, I started looking at her other art and, as it turns out, a lot of it is base created with no credit what-so-ever or her saying she drew every bit of it.
I want to call her out on it, but she creates so much drama that I'm afraid my reputation will be ruined. She'll delete her drawings, comments and will spread lies if I do this wrong.
Rant time:
One of my biggest pet peeves is lying. I can't stand it when people try to lie to me. Majority of the time, I know I'm being lied to, I just think it's more of a hassle to call someone out on it than to just ignore it.
When people lie, it makes me feel like they think I'm stupid enough to fall for some of this kind of BS. It makes me feel belittled and I can't stand how much she's been lying. I've known her for a few months and I already want nothing to do with her.
The advice I need it, what should I do?
I cannot stand being lied to and her creating drama is adding stress to my life that I don't need. I want to tell her to just stop talking to me, but I don't have a nice way to say it. I want to ask her how much of what she's said to me is true, but don't know how to word it.
I don't need to call her out on her lies, but I DO need a way to tell her that I no longer want any contact from her.
Can someone help me??
Posted: Wed Dec 31, 2014 4:57 pm
monster-uke
Rant time:
One of my biggest pet peeves is lying. I can't stand it when people try to lie to me. Majority of the time, I know I'm being lied to, I just think it's more of a hassle to call someone out on it than to just ignore it.
When people lie, it makes me feel like they think I'm stupid enough to fall for some of this kind of BS. It makes me feel belittled and I can't stand how much she's been lying. I've known her for a few months and I already want nothing to do with her.
The advice I need it, what should I do?
I cannot stand being lied to and her creating drama is adding stress to my life that I don't need. I want to tell her to just stop talking to me, but I don't have a nice way to say it. I want to ask her how much of what she's said to me is true, but don't know how to word it.
I don't need to call her out on her lies, but I DO need a way to tell her that I no longer want any contact from her.
Can someone help me??
That's no good. It must suck for both of you. Seems like she has such low self confidence that she needs to create these lies to get the attention she feels she lacks. Which is understandable in a way... humans are social creatures who require love, attention and social interaction with other humans. Seems like it is hard for you as well and you are suffering from someone else's issues being thrust upon you. Which is also totally understandable. Sometimes we can't cope with the added burden of others problems and need to step back and look after ourselves.
My advice: Be honest.... but in a diplomatic way. Don't be accusatory! Avoid words like 'You' and concentrate on words like 'me' 'I' and 'I feel' (I am very glad I managed to sit through my communications classes and actually picked up a tip or two lol)
If the lying is the biggest issue for you maybe say something like: "I feel like some of the things you have said in the past weren't entirely true. This really upsets me because when someone is dishonest with me I feel..." No need to go into detail about each lie. Just keep the focus on how you are feeling. Maybe (if you feel up to it) you can let her know that you are there for her but that you prefer that she always try to be honest with you and that you wont think badly of her. This may not be helpful as lying can be a hard habit to break and one of the pitfalls of lying a lot is that you tend to assume others are equally as dishonest and you can't trust what they say.
If things can't be resolved or if you feel like you just can't deal with her anymore maybe just tell her that you are really stressed by things in your life at the moment (I am assuming that she is not the ONLY stress in your life) and that you need a break... time to look after yourself or whatever. Once again keep the focus on your emotions, needs etc. After all your emotions are sort of the real issue... Your reaction to her actions...
Anyways I hope everything works out for you. heart
It's not that she's lying that I don't want to be around her, it's that she keeps creating drama & stress where there is none. I'm finally in a place where I feel okay & I don't want those kinds of people back in my life. I did take your advice and tried to talk to her, but it didn't work out very well.
I was going to give myself a day or two to find the right words but she started drama up again. I'm not sure if I mentioned that she's been pressuring me to be in a relationship with her or not? But, today, she made a fake account on the art site we met on just so she could ask herself if we were dating.
I figured that I'd tell her, for good, that I don't see her in a romantic way, so I asked to speak to her privately. After she read what I had asked, she deleted EVERYTHING.
This situation is giving me a headache and I do feel for her, but I'm definitely not the right kind of person to fix someone else when I'm not even completely whole myself.
I'll try again to speak with her, privately and calmly, if you have anymore advice for me, I'd really appreciate it...
UPDATE: Now she's posting that I've said I hate her and all this crap that isn't true. neutral
Posted: Fri Jan 02, 2015 6:04 pm
I'm assuming you know her and talk to her though a site. Is there a way to block her? You could always ask a moderator and explain a little of the situation and see if they can't help in getting her away from you.
Esh. She definitely has issues. Best thing you can do is cut her off as easily as you can. Just ignore her and don't give her any reason to think you like her and she will probably move on. If she's starting drama publicly I wouldn't comment on it, even privately. You can't let her know she's riling you up cause in a weird way she might think that means you like her. I've dealt with people like this before.. she has definitely become obsessed with you. She's making up all the drama just so you'll pay attention to her.
Posted: Mon Jan 05, 2015 2:55 am
monster-uke
This situation is giving me a headache and I do feel for her, but I'm definitely not the right kind of person to fix someone else when I'm not even completely whole myself.
I'll try again to speak with her, privately and calmly, if you have anymore advice for me, I'd really appreciate it...
UPDATE: Now she's posting that I've said I hate her and all this crap that isn't true. neutral
Absolutely! You can't solve someone else's problems for them. All anyone can ever do is be there for someone else... and if you can't then you can't. It's like they say in emergency situation... Don't go to the aid of someone else if there is a risk to yourself. Sounds cruel and selfish but it is logical. There is no point two people getting hurt and you can't help someone else if you get injured yourself. So try not to torment yourself. You can't cope with her drama and that is fine. You need to look after yourself.
My advice is still the same. Tell her it's about you and what you need and try not to bring her actions into it. Sounds like she is going to cause drama and think you hate her no matter what you say. But you can't control other people. All you can do is be as nice as possible in hope that she will get over it quicker. My only other advice is to tell her sooner rather than later. It sounds like this whole situation is really getting to you. So the sooner you get it over with the sooner you can put it all behind you.
