Cartwright
The titantron comes to life as we see a cameraman running towards the new WWE:E Asylum Champion, The Swag-tastic Cartwright. If you thought he was annoying before, he's even worse right now as his cocky strut is in overload mode as his arms rise high above his head from left to right. Cartwright displays his newly won gold in his right hand as he yells out "SWAG CHAMP!" to everyone that he walks past backstage. The cameraman meets him and he too, is greeted by the champions claims that he is indeed the "SWAG CHAMP!".
Cameraman: "Well, Cartwright, you are the new Asylum Champion. How does it feel?"
Cartwright yells "SWAG CHAMP!" at a stage hand who walks past him before turning his attention back to the cameraman with a mighty big smirk on his face.
Cartwright: "I feel fully merked right now blud! You only live once in this life and tonight I gained some epic new swag to flex thanks to that derp face Salem Croft! I'm Living Like Larry while I heard Salem was backstage, crying like a little b***h! SMH! Salem blud, bless-up your chances of ever taking away my swag! You might as well dip this joint 'cause YOLO, don't waste your time trying to regain this swag 'cause you have no chance! I bet a hundo p that you never amount to anything following the epic fail that you have become!"
The cameraman looks confused as he probably doesn't understand anything that Cartwright is saying. This cameraman ain't got enough to swag to understand Cartwright.
CM: "Salem has vowed to defeat you..."
Cartwright: "He needs to moss! Ain't nobody got time to be chasing something he can't do because YOLO! I don't boast because I'm full of hot air, I know that I'm fully sick and can do everything that I say I can do! Yute like Salem needs to realize that he ain't got nothing on me 'cause he ain't got no felonies! I almost went to jail for like five hundred days! Salem be cray if he seriously believes he can beat me!"
Cartwright looks cocky and confident while the cameraman is bemused by it all. This cameraman be FOF.
CM: "Can you bring as much life and prestige to the Asylum Championship as Salem claims he has done for it? He claims that it is as worthy as the WWE:E Evolution Championship and that he has inspired people with his reign."
Cartwright: "Any swag I hold is the best, styll. Blud, I look like swag and that makes everything I own swag! I'm full of life and prestige! I inspire people to get more swag and they need it! Ain't nobody got more swag than me! Bitches will suck my nuts 'cause I wear this new swag belt everywhere I go! Bitches be like, yo, he that wrestling guy, I wanna suck his nuts!"
CM: "Knight is going to be your next contender...."
Cartwright looks annoyed at the cameraman, who clearly needs more swag and can't follow a standard, normal, everyday conversation.
Cartwright: "Blud, I got so much swag that I can ******** Knights b***h and he would happily let me do it! Knight be weak 'cause he ain't got no swag! I'm swag to the maximum! Swag one hundred thousand! One hundred trillion! I'll make his b***h wet like wonton soup and drink it all up! Bitches like his b***h suck my d**k because I c** like 36 ways and then I'll ask her what's her name! That b***h don't give a ********, that's why I ******** her in the face! I'm also gorgeous!"
The cameraman looks disgusted at the foul language. Maybe if he had more swag he would understand why such words were necessary.
CM: "How does that...."
Cartwright: "b***h! No more questions botty boi, talk to me when you gain more swag and can boost about something. I'm out of this joint to get crunk and ******** bitches! Bless up, b***h!"
Cartwright swaggers down the corridor as he continues to shout "SWAG CHAMP!" at anyone he passes by as the camera fades-out.
Cameraman: "Well, Cartwright, you are the new Asylum Champion. How does it feel?"
Cartwright yells "SWAG CHAMP!" at a stage hand who walks past him before turning his attention back to the cameraman with a mighty big smirk on his face.
Cartwright: "I feel fully merked right now blud! You only live once in this life and tonight I gained some epic new swag to flex thanks to that derp face Salem Croft! I'm Living Like Larry while I heard Salem was backstage, crying like a little b***h! SMH! Salem blud, bless-up your chances of ever taking away my swag! You might as well dip this joint 'cause YOLO, don't waste your time trying to regain this swag 'cause you have no chance! I bet a hundo p that you never amount to anything following the epic fail that you have become!"
The cameraman looks confused as he probably doesn't understand anything that Cartwright is saying. This cameraman ain't got enough to swag to understand Cartwright.
CM: "Salem has vowed to defeat you..."
Cartwright: "He needs to moss! Ain't nobody got time to be chasing something he can't do because YOLO! I don't boast because I'm full of hot air, I know that I'm fully sick and can do everything that I say I can do! Yute like Salem needs to realize that he ain't got nothing on me 'cause he ain't got no felonies! I almost went to jail for like five hundred days! Salem be cray if he seriously believes he can beat me!"
Cartwright looks cocky and confident while the cameraman is bemused by it all. This cameraman be FOF.
CM: "Can you bring as much life and prestige to the Asylum Championship as Salem claims he has done for it? He claims that it is as worthy as the WWE:E Evolution Championship and that he has inspired people with his reign."
Cartwright: "Any swag I hold is the best, styll. Blud, I look like swag and that makes everything I own swag! I'm full of life and prestige! I inspire people to get more swag and they need it! Ain't nobody got more swag than me! Bitches will suck my nuts 'cause I wear this new swag belt everywhere I go! Bitches be like, yo, he that wrestling guy, I wanna suck his nuts!"
CM: "Knight is going to be your next contender...."
Cartwright looks annoyed at the cameraman, who clearly needs more swag and can't follow a standard, normal, everyday conversation.
Cartwright: "Blud, I got so much swag that I can ******** Knights b***h and he would happily let me do it! Knight be weak 'cause he ain't got no swag! I'm swag to the maximum! Swag one hundred thousand! One hundred trillion! I'll make his b***h wet like wonton soup and drink it all up! Bitches like his b***h suck my d**k because I c** like 36 ways and then I'll ask her what's her name! That b***h don't give a ********, that's why I ******** her in the face! I'm also gorgeous!"
The cameraman looks disgusted at the foul language. Maybe if he had more swag he would understand why such words were necessary.
CM: "How does that...."
Cartwright: "b***h! No more questions botty boi, talk to me when you gain more swag and can boost about something. I'm out of this joint to get crunk and ******** bitches! Bless up, b***h!"
Cartwright swaggers down the corridor as he continues to shout "SWAG CHAMP!" at anyone he passes by as the camera fades-out.
SWAAAAAAAAAG! 21/04/14
Quote:
The camera fades-in to show the much loved Swag Master, Cartwright, backstage with his personal disc jockey, DJ Rick. Cartwright has his own personal disc jockey because when Cartwright hits the clubs at night to get drunk and ******** bitches, the DJ's usually suck. They have no swag. DJ Rick has swag tp spare, but he knows not to share! Cartwright beats up the clubs DJ's and replaces them with Rick, who really knows how to get the party going. They are rollin' rollin rollin' around in Rick's golf cart. Because golf carts have swag and they are busy people. They don't have time to walk around when the bitches are soaking wet for their cocks. DJ Rick is not driving his golf cart very well, because he is drunk or high or possibly both. I believe that's called crunk.
Cartwright: "SWAG! SWAG! SWAG! LOOOOOOL! YOU JUST RAN OVER DAT KNOB END! LOL!"
The golf cart bounces up and down over some poor mans body. Rick should not be behind a steering wheel in his current state. But who cares about that when you've got swag?!
Rick: "BUR-BUR-BUR-BUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRR!!!!!"
Rick smashes into a ladder, where a member of the backstage crew was fixing a light. He plummet down on to the concrete, landing on his neck. He might be dead.
Cartwright: "LOOOOOOOOOL! LOOK AT DAT MORON! HE DESERVED THAT!"
Damn, Cartwright is a p***k huh? Rick spots a cameraman who notices the golf cart and begins to run away.
Cartwright: "CHASE DAT MUPPET!"
DJ Rick is a good lad. In a sense. He listens to Cartwright by chasing the cameraman as he screams for his life. Bad in another sense, as the cameraman gets crushed between the golf cart and a wall.
Cartwright: "LOLOLOLOL! RICK YOU TRULY ARE TEH BEST DJ IN TEH WUUUUURLD!"
Rick: "BUR-BUR-BUR-BUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRR!!!!!"
Cartwright and Rick get out of the golf cart. As if the cameraman hasn't suffered enough, Cartwright and Rick then attack the man. Cartwright punches him in the face repeatedly while Rick steals his wallet. They are laughing constantly as they do it.
Cartwright: "LOL THIS HAS BEEN SO MUCH FUN LOL! WHAT IS TEH TIME DJ?!"
Rick: "BOOM O'CLOCK!"
Cartwright: "TIME TO BATTER SOME FAT BOTTY BOI AND THEN WE GO ******** ALL TEH BITCHES THAT ARE DRIPPING WET LIKE TAPS FOR US IN TEH CLUBS RICK INNIT YO?!"
Rick: "INNIT BLUD?!"
Cartwright: "BLUD, INNIT?!"
Cartwright and Rick walk off-camera as the bloodied cameraman cries for his mommy. Suddenly, Cartwright and Rick return to take a selfie with their victim. They then post it on to their Twitter accounts under the hashtag #PotToBlame.
Cartwright: "BLUD I FULLY FEEL BETTER NOW! I WAS TEH BEST WWE:E ASYLUM CHAMPION EVER YO AND AS SOON AS I GET ROBBED OF IT LIKE THAT TOSSERS WALLET, THEY WANT TO DO A UNIFICATION MATCH WITH THAT AND SOME NOTHING TITLE?! BLUD, ARE THEY KIDDING ME?!"
Rick: "LIKE WTF?! THEY HATERS YO! HATERS GONNA HATE!"
Cartwright: "THEY CAN HATE ALL THEY LIKE BUT THEY'LL NEVER POSSESS OUR SWAG! LET'S GO!"
Cartwright and Rick slap the cameraman across the face and walk off camera again. What a couple of cunts.
Cartwright: "SWAG! SWAG! SWAG! LOOOOOOL! YOU JUST RAN OVER DAT KNOB END! LOL!"
The golf cart bounces up and down over some poor mans body. Rick should not be behind a steering wheel in his current state. But who cares about that when you've got swag?!
Rick: "BUR-BUR-BUR-BUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRR!!!!!"
Rick smashes into a ladder, where a member of the backstage crew was fixing a light. He plummet down on to the concrete, landing on his neck. He might be dead.
Cartwright: "LOOOOOOOOOL! LOOK AT DAT MORON! HE DESERVED THAT!"
Damn, Cartwright is a p***k huh? Rick spots a cameraman who notices the golf cart and begins to run away.
Cartwright: "CHASE DAT MUPPET!"
DJ Rick is a good lad. In a sense. He listens to Cartwright by chasing the cameraman as he screams for his life. Bad in another sense, as the cameraman gets crushed between the golf cart and a wall.
Cartwright: "LOLOLOLOL! RICK YOU TRULY ARE TEH BEST DJ IN TEH WUUUUURLD!"
Rick: "BUR-BUR-BUR-BUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRR!!!!!"
Cartwright and Rick get out of the golf cart. As if the cameraman hasn't suffered enough, Cartwright and Rick then attack the man. Cartwright punches him in the face repeatedly while Rick steals his wallet. They are laughing constantly as they do it.
Cartwright: "LOL THIS HAS BEEN SO MUCH FUN LOL! WHAT IS TEH TIME DJ?!"
Rick: "BOOM O'CLOCK!"
Cartwright: "TIME TO BATTER SOME FAT BOTTY BOI AND THEN WE GO ******** ALL TEH BITCHES THAT ARE DRIPPING WET LIKE TAPS FOR US IN TEH CLUBS RICK INNIT YO?!"
Rick: "INNIT BLUD?!"
Cartwright: "BLUD, INNIT?!"
Cartwright and Rick walk off-camera as the bloodied cameraman cries for his mommy. Suddenly, Cartwright and Rick return to take a selfie with their victim. They then post it on to their Twitter accounts under the hashtag #PotToBlame.
Cartwright: "BLUD I FULLY FEEL BETTER NOW! I WAS TEH BEST WWE:E ASYLUM CHAMPION EVER YO AND AS SOON AS I GET ROBBED OF IT LIKE THAT TOSSERS WALLET, THEY WANT TO DO A UNIFICATION MATCH WITH THAT AND SOME NOTHING TITLE?! BLUD, ARE THEY KIDDING ME?!"
Rick: "LIKE WTF?! THEY HATERS YO! HATERS GONNA HATE!"
Cartwright: "THEY CAN HATE ALL THEY LIKE BUT THEY'LL NEVER POSSESS OUR SWAG! LET'S GO!"
Cartwright and Rick slap the cameraman across the face and walk off camera again. What a couple of cunts.
