"And I thought my existence was bleak." Styxx glanced up as Blaise walked into the confines of his "den," if you could really call it that. It was mostly just a small cave made up a cluster of large rocks on one side. There was a space to move into the circle, one that he was able to block with another boulder nudged into place to protect against sandstorms. Blaise was fine, but Styxx had to stoop a little to keep from knocking his head against the low ceiling. The leopard's eyes narrowed in the low light coming in from the entrance, surveying the contents.There was a pallet in the far corner of several pelts from prey animals, a thick length of wood that Styxx no doubt used to wear down the claws on his damaged right paw, and a small pile of smaller pieces of wood, the claw-marks gouged into them more... uniformed.
"Blaise-" The young lion bit out the warning, but it was too late, the curious leopard had moved to the pile and stared down at the drawings.
"She's beautiful."
"Yes, she was," Styxx hissed, annoyed at the invasion of his privacy. He knew Blaise didn't mean to pry. Or maybe he did and just didn't care about the breach. His friend rarely seemed to care about etiquette, it was one of the reasons they got along so well. Neither of them gave a damn, about anything really. Both saw things they knew they shouldn't have. Blaise was the first creature to understand and explain to him just what was happening when he heard the voices of others in his head. They were visions, he was a seer. Blaise had snorted when saying there were those that thought visions were gifts from the gods, commenting that if visions were a gift, they seemed a pretty crappy one. Styxx couldn't help but agree. The fact that he didn't get visions from Blaise made him like the surly leopard all the more.
The only thing that bothered him about Blaise was his annoying habit of prying.
"Was?"
"She's gone." Styxx didn't want to think about Arie, even less to try to explain his heart to Blaise. It didn't even make sense to himself sometimes. How could she have meant so much to him when the mere concept of love was so foreign to creatures their age? There were females, Dal'eks and rogue slaves alike that had approached him when he'd been a general, and yet each one he turned away. There had been times where his body had craved the touch of a female, his baser instincts insisting the need of continuing his line and yet his neglected heart fought against the urges with a vengeance. If he ever had cubs, he wanted them to be pale with golden brown eyes and marked by a Time Lord crest. Dal'ek females and slaves had been empty, wanting nothing more than being in his favor. His defective heart still wanted the love he'd glimpsed for such a brief time.
Styxx's head dipped a bit as he slowly removed his bracers."She disappeared when the Valley of Time was sealed." Blaise frowned.
"Weren't you little more than a cub when that happened?"
"We both were. She was from Galifrey, I think she thought I was a rogue, or a slave," Styxx replied with a small shrug. Blaise didn't get it. The lioness Styxx had carved was grown, an adult. The detail, the despair in his friend's voice, it was like he'd lost his mate just days before and was clinging desperately to her memory. It seemed impossible that all of this was a cubhood memory and the young male's imagination. But the evidence was there before him.
"I don't... You were cubs." Styxx shook his head, setting the guards aside, moving to the pile of drawings and trying to put them in a better order.
"The Dal'eks try to break you. Individuality, compassion, mercy, fear, they're useless to the pride. If they can't be purged, it's better if you just die. I was... I couldn't let go. I was smarter than that, or maybe just too stupid to bend. She was the only kindness I had ever, have ever felt." But for the goddess that had helped Styxx escape and from himself, Blaise added silently. For someone as cynical and sarcastic as he was to be one of the few lights of kindness in the lion's life, that was a harsh existence indeed. He thought to tell Styxx that there would be others, that another female would come along and fill the void in his life, but... The way Styxx studied the carvings, the work he put into them... No one would ever be able to fill the hole this girl had left.
Heaven save him from ever feeling that kind of love.
"... How are you not insane?"
"I never said I wasn't." He paused and ran his damaged paw into his mane. "Was there some reason you came by? Other than to shove your nose farther into my business, I mean." Styxx finally glanced up and regarded his friend. Blaise looked pensive, almost stricken, no doubt by the secrets he had revealed. Perhaps Blaise would learn, then, the trouble with prying too deeply. The farther you dig your hole, it only gets darker.
"I... Had something to tell you, but I don't remember what it was." Styxx felt his fur start to bristle and willed himself to settle down. It had nothing to do with his visions, it wasn't anything special. A lifetime of dealing with his pride, of leading others had taught him how to read them. It didn't take some uncanny ability to know that Blaise was lying to him. He remembered whatever it was, but had decided to save it for another day to share. Or not at all.
Fine. It didn't really matter to Styxx. If Blaise didn't think it was that important, he didn't have to.
"Okay. I'll just wait until you remember it."
"You mean if I remember it." Styxx snorted.
"Your memory's not that bad. Unless you really are getting old. Which wouldn't surprise me. You're what, old enough to be my father? Grandfather?" Styxx plastered a smirk on his face, trying to draw the mood out of the maudlin swamp it had blundered into. Blaise curled his lip a bit and rolled his eyes.
"Young enough to still be able to kick your a**."
"With your mole-sight? Are you kidding?" He ducked the lashed out paw and took a step back. But at least Blaise was smirking back at him.
"Come visit sometime. I'd much rather see a friendly face than the constant stream of strangers wanting me to spoil their futures for them."
"My face? Friendly?"
"Okay, familiar then."
"Fine." He paused, flexing his paw as best he could. It was starting to ache again. "You should head back. I sense a storm coming." Blaise's eyebrows shot up.
"Visions?" Styxx snorted and held up his damaged paw.
"Old wounds. Seems to act up more than usual when storms approach." The somewhat self-deprecating humor in his tone caused Blaise to smile.
"Fair enough. I'll see you later, frérot." And with that, the leopard left his den, heading back out into the desert. Styxx sighed and finally began to relax, though the tension in his chest couldn't be banished. He picked up one of the unfinished carvings in his maw and moved to his pallet with the steps of the weary. Settling down on his bed, he drew the claws on his left paw and carefully started filling in details.
"I miss you, Arie..."
(WC: 1,282)