Aya Akkaime
The greatest thing about a fantasy
Journal Entry#1
I'm having some friend issues. The closest people to me in class are always my partners and group mates and i've always believed that i could count on them when i needed help and i believed that they would understand any lacking i may have on a project.
I am not the type to do nothing on a group project. In fact, if i know i could do the job, i would... even if it's suppose to be someone else's part of the project. I help any way that i can. I try make everything easy for my friends even if it takes a lot of effort and time on my part.
But now, especially when i was absent from school due to a sickness last year, i feel like i couldn't rely on them. Because i feel like i was left to die. None of them even tried to help me out when i was trying so hard to catch up with the lessons i've missed and the projects that i ended up having to do by myself because the professor said no one took me in their group. i understood that they didn't add me in their group cause i was sick but they could have helped me when i asked. They gave small hints that they would help but they never did.
We're grouped again this semester and i realized i'm the one being relied on. I don't know if i made them feel too easy and they believe i could just do everything without them... but i honestly can't. I'm feeling the pressure. I'm always busy yet one of them even has the time to play offline games. I can't even play the games i want to. The only leisure i have is watching TV series and still, i have school stuff on my mind.
Lately, one almost scolded me cause i had no time to spare on the weekends. I've told him before that i do chores and help with the family business on rest days, off-school days. I used to look up to this person cause he's intelligent and he's responsible but lately, he's being the biggest slacker my eyes could see. I don't know if he's trying to dumb himself down or something but i wished he's stop making it look like i'm always wrong and slacking off... when i fact, i know i did them right and i made a big contribution to the project.
I honestly wanna cry it out and just curl up in my bed but i can't cause i don't want my parents and sibling seeing me so out of it. I want to cry because i am compelled to do more work than my half of the project... but i know i shouldn't cause i would be only putting more weight on my shoulders.
Is it normal? Please tell me if it is normal or not to want to shoulder all the weight only to ease the people who clearly rely TOO MUCH and care not for my well-being?
Is the possibility that it could happen. (CSI: Catherine Willows)
Hmmm, I suppose the correct label
for this would be suggestion.
neutral It sounds normal,
really. Don't worry so much about it
being normal.
The concern that plagues me is,
"Is it healthy to shoulder excess weight from your team mates?"
It doesn't sound healthy
confused It doesn't even sound like you
benefit, either emotionally or physically.
That feeling of wanting
to curl up and hibernate could manafest
into a lot of different stress related bad things
sad Maybe, you should do your own part,
do it really well and "if" they deserve your
help, only then should they be graced with your presence
wink No one should take your efforts for granted.
