Roserain
Bitter Hands Cradle Broken Glass
(it's song lyrics, don't mind me)
Alice Liddell x Boris Airay
Kyai x Rain
Start Date: April 15th, 2013
(it's song lyrics, don't mind me)
Alice Liddell x Boris Airay
Kyai x Rain
Start Date: April 15th, 2013
Alice:
Dark. It was dark.
The looming shadows of the trees- they were trees, were they not?- before her seemed to sway in the non-existent wind, seemed to grow and reach for her in the dark, though she knew it was unlikely. Or perhaps not, as it was not an uncommon occurrence for the scenery itself to come alive and swallow her whole. She wondered if that was Wonderland's doing, or if it was solely the construct that her mind had created for her.
How fitting, that the Wonderland meant to save her from madness had driven her to it. Rarely did she recognize her surroundings, only the disjointed images that plagued her day by day. Alice had brief moments of lucidity, but they were always spent in fear. Always in terror of the next episode, always crying out for someone to save her from the darkness in her head.
Blood. There was still blood on her hands, and for a moment she paused in her aimless trek to scrub futilely at the invisible stains. Frantic murmurings rose into the air as the girl- still a girl, no, no, not a woman- began to glance fervently over her shoulder, watching for the monsters that only she could see. The path was still, but again the shadows seemed to lengthen upon the moonlit forest floor, to reach for her, and a quiet whimper of terror lilted the air.
Boris:
This wasn't what he wanted, what he had intended. Time shifted again and Boris couldn't stand to be in this room anymore, with the broken furniture and destroyed books. Chains had been ripped from the wall and plaster was scattered across the floor in testament to his rage. Old things, tokens that had once been so precious and dear, lay broken and trampled. What little light could penetrate the thick layer of dust through the window barely touched the mess; he raised his hands into the afternoon glow briefly as dust motes swirled in their wake, clenching and relaxing his fists.
Nothing seemed to sate the hurt and anger, and he only had himself to blame. Too curious for his own good, too good at creating messes; chaos. Numbly he shuffled to the door, his boa forgotten and strewed across the destroyed bed as he left... the door unable to shut behind him in its splintered state.
Boris paced on the cobbled stones of the Amusement Park, oblivious to the passerby and the strange looks his disheveled appearance earned him. He didn't even notice the scratches and blood he'd smeared in his rampage, not that it was overmuch. Not nearly enough. In times like these when he couldn't think, couldn't focus or feel anymore he always fell back on old habits. That ingrained and animal creature that lay just below in the glint and gleam of his chains and his eyes.
He needed to hurt, and inflict pain. To test himself against something and just throw everything at someone, something. And Ace was always a favorite choice if he could hunt him down. If nothing else the forests were safer, calmer somehow. His head raised slowly as he looked beyond the roofs and noticed something outside of himself for the first time in... a long while.
----
His muscles strained deliciously as he ran through the woods, negligent in the reaching branches that snagged at him and sometimes caught a chain or his clothes painfully. That didn't matter. Feeling something again mattered, hurting mattered. It meant there was still something else than the... the what?
The broken family? The nothingness and awfulness of those angry and sad eyes...
He promptly turned towards the nearest tree and went up, scrambling into the branches and leaping that way, not checking to see if he'd safely catch the next one or not. So what if he fell. Time shifted again and the moon suddenly was round and full, and the ghostly sound of fear nearly made him miss the next branch. What-
His eyes grew wide and his face taunt in recognition. No. It, was it? Her?
He dropped to the forest floor painfully and had trouble getting his legs back under him as he shifted towards the sound, running between dark trunks and scratching branches to grind to a halt in front of what looked almost like an apparition to him. His hand reached out as if to touch her, but that felt so very wrong somehow. As if she would shatter or his hand would simply pass right though like she was so much mist. Eyes still wide in panic and adrenaline, he faced off the terrorized girl, unsure yet again what he should do.
"Alice?"
His voice was rough and hoarse, as if unused for a long time or he'd spent the past day screaming. He wasn't sure which. Swallowing hard, he tried to take a step towards her, half expecting her likeness to suddenly disappear and he'd find himself alone once more.
Dark. Dark. The shadows were closing in, it wasn't... it wasn't...
There! A dark figure snapped her attention to the branches overhead, and Alice barely stifled a scream as the decisive 'crack!' warned her that she had been spotted, and her monsters weren't so out of reach anymore. Petrified, she turned so her back was against the tree, feeling the rough bark bite into the exposed flesh of her back. The fabric there tore a little more, already ragged and frayed due to lack of care, stained by dirt and blood.
The terrified murmuring increased in volume as the figure, silhouetted in the dim moonlight, leapt to the ground with all the grace of a feline- no! no! not him- and begun a slow stalk in her direction, seeming hesitant (she knew it was a ruse, it always was). "No... not here... dark... dark..." the babbled words grew in their intensity even as their meaning was lost to the ears of anyone listening- they made sense to her, and that was all that mattered. Her fingers scrabbled for purchase on the bark behind her, fingernails cracking and breaking under the desperate pressure. She didn't notice.
As the figure neared, certain features began to take shape, and the recognition that stole over her was not a pleasant sensation. Furry ears, a flicking tail... that boa. Feline grace. Her terrorized murmurings became horrified gasps, her bloodied hands rising to cover her dirt-streaked face. "NO! NO!"
Boris:
He staggered as if he's been shot. If this was an illusion it was a merciless punishment from the Jokers themselves, a torment and just reward for having 'escaped' Wonderland for so long. He could smell her fear, taste its bitterness.
He'd done this.
He choked, stumbling back into brambles that snagged and rasped against his skin, tearing and biting. Pulling himself away, he side-stepped to remain outside of that invisible circle, that emotional and tangible boundary that Alice had set around herself to keep him out. With apparently very good reason.
What had he done? How could this have happened? His ears folded back as he hung his head and slumped forward, dropping to his knees before her in such utter defeat. Everything he'd ever wanted, ever had, he'd destroyed. Every home, every safe place, every shred of happiness he'd taken for granted and twisted it until it was black and broken and there was just no excuse.
His shoulders shook once, twice, and the weight of it all came crashing down as he sobbed. Crying, finally, for the first time since...
"I, I'm sorry. Alice I'm so sorry, what did I- ...sorry. I'm sorry..."
Mind-numbing terror. Every time this apparition had appeared to her before, despair, heartbreak and so much pain followed. No. No, he was gone. It wasn't... it wasn't... he wouldn't have left... but he had. No. Anguish quickly followed on the heels of her horror and fear, and acceptance began seeping through the very visible cracks that were appearing. Gone. Gone. Alone. Always.
The choked gasping of dread and terror, almost without reprieve for breath, turned to hitched breaths and cold tears, the trembles of her fright almost instantaneously becoming the quivers of restrained sobs, unwilling or unable to face what she knew to be staring her down. "Not here... you're not here..." the softly spoken, tremulous words were almost inaudible above her own labored breaths, and all at once, the strength fled from her limbs. Alice slid bonelessly down the tree's trunk, unknowing- or perhaps simply uncaring- of the roughness that scraped against her back, split the already frail skin open.
Lucidity was coming on, and she didn't want to face it. The monsters were fading away, and only the depths of her endless confusion and despair were left to greet her here. What was worse, then- letting herself be swept away by the illusions of shadows and monsters that sought to track her every movement, dog her every step in the darkness, or facing a reality that she was alone, that her next descent may be the final one, and no one would be the wiser to her mind losing itself to this nightmare? There was... she struggled to remember... there was someone who cared, someone who looked after her when the nights were long, and the shadows reached further.
But not here now. Not now.
Burying her face in her knees as she tried to block out what her senses told her were there, Alice froze abruptly when a choked sound and hitched breathing suddenly stopped her own breaths. It hadn't come from her.
Slowly, shakily, her head lifted, teal eyes focusing on the painfully familiar figure in front of her. Though her own face was streaked with tears, somehow his features were starkly in focus, not blurred, not... dark. This was wrong somehow. She didn't... couldn't... it wasn't right. Taking a trembling breath, her fingers unclenched themselves from the dirt that they had gripped with the ferocity of a woman hanging on for her life, and her arm lifted weakly from its position at her side. Cautiously, her hand settled upon the purplish strands that were wholly familiar, and yet not, though her thoughts couldn't seem to process exactly what was going on before her. Only that it was wrong.
Boris:
There was no shame anymore, no pride, and he wept openly without reserve. There was so much to cry for, so much that had gone so very wrong. He hadn't meant for it to, honestly, he'd just been so selfish and what he tried to fix just unraveled in his inept hands. Frustration roiled inside of him, turning everything a sickly color as he quietly started to keen under his breath; unable to completely mute the howl building within him. This wasn't right. This wasn't... it wasn't supposed to be like this. Hadn't he flailed himself open enough times already? How many times did he have to suffer until his penance was paid? Was this the real game? The suffering?
He couldn't even meet her gaze, her mumbled words making his ears twitch in their flattened position against his skull. Gritting his teeth as his fists clenched and unclenched repeatedly, he hung his head and muttered to the dirt, unable to speak to her directly now.
"Yes I am. I came back... I know I shouldn't have... I, I'm so sorry Alice. I don't have the right. I.."
Dammit all to hell, what happened to her? Was this because he left? Did Wonderland unbalance? His hands were shaking as they reached up on their own accord to grip his face and his hair, tugging on the strands as if that would help while he hunched down further into himself. God, so many regrets.
A flash of pale flesh edged into his vision accompanied by just the lightest of pressure, almost to be imagined, as her fingers reached out to touch. Boris lifted his head slightly to look at her, eyes wide and concerned but he didn't dare remove her hand from his head. Did she remember anything? Someone here had to know what happened, could've stopped this. Why didn't anyone help her? Where was everyone? Or, did someone do this to her? His eyes grew a little wider at the thought, an angry reaction for a cat. His hand hovered a hand over hers, afraid to touch her, but longing so badly to.
"Alice? Can you hear me?"
This wasn’t real. Couldn’t be real, but her fingers still moved of their own accord and felt the familiar softness beneath them –hadn’t his hair always felt like a cat’s?- but this wasn’t… No. He was gone, this wasn’t right. Where was… she was always there, why wasn’t she here? The darkness was closing around her, she could feel herself falling. “You’re not…” This is what madness felt like. Alice clutched at her knees tighter, but didn’t want to let go of… of what?
Shaking harder as the tears fell, she started tugging at the purplish strands, unaware if she was causing pain or that she was streaking her own blood through his hair. No, why could she feel this? It was an illusion, a nightmare. Panicking, she got on her knees and moved closer to him, unaware of her dress tearing further in the dirt as she reached out with her other hand as well to grasp at his hair. She needed to know what this was and desperation filled her as she tugged and twisted the strands between her fingers. Pulling his head closer to her, sobbing as she groped and fought with the shadows, her fingertips brushed something in the mess of hair that felt… furry. Familiar.
Letting go as if she’d been burned, she gasped before reaching out with shaking hands again to feel the outline of his flattened ears. The cold metal of the piercings. Automatically out of engrained habit she pinched and rubbed the feline shaped ears as darkness started to trickle down her spine. Color was fading. Not real, not real, not… “B-Boris? You’re…”
Teal eyes locked onto the hurt and sorrow she saw in his before her world went completely dark and she pitched forward, everything slipping away.
Boris:
His fingers twitched above her hand, dying to touch her, needing to, but the wild look in her eyes warned him away. How could this have happened? Where was Gowland? Or Nightmare? Or ********, even Peter?! Where were they?! How could the let her become… become this? What sick joke was this? This wasn’t supposed to happen, even if he left Wonderland should’ve gone on as normal; but the Park was dark and abandoned, the forests looked untamed, and Alice… oh god Alice. He’d thought leaving the other world had been the hardest thing he’d ever done, but looking into the lost expression on her face was destroying him. There were no words for this kind of hell.
He watched her lips move, denying him, and he bowed his head in absolute shame. Pulling his hand away, tucking both of them against his chest, he could feel the ever-steady tick-tock and wondered why it could still do that if it felt like it was breaking? Shouldn’t something change? Hadn’t he changed? A sob wrecked his body as he shook his head slowly at the thought, feeling her hand glide through his hair.
And then the touch wasn’t so gentle anymore, as she gripped and started to jerk, he winced at the pain in his scalp. Was she mad? Pissed? Angry he could handle, just don’t slip away, please Alice, don’t slip away. He raised his head enough to look at her, though it pained him further to do so, and saw her crawl towards him with her other hand raised as well. Her eyes were still glassed over, and her hands were caked in dirt and blood. Still, he leaned closer to her, giving her better access to whatever she sought. He could feel her fingers snake and tug, gritting his teeth as she yanked on him; but he didn’t dare make her stop. He could practically feel each sob that went through her body as her hands shook and snarled in his locks. And then amidst the pain there was a tiny jolt of pleasure. Familiar and warm and completely undeserved as her fingers found his ears. How many times had she touched him like this? How many more chances could he possibly get- but no, she had pulled away, her face startled. Boris opened his mouth to speak but there was nothing he could possibly say. Nothing that could ever make this right or even come close to bandaging the wound.
His eyes widened as her hands returned, feeling along the length of his buried ears. He couldn’t help but close his eyes and let his ears unfold at her touch. He knew he wasn’t forgiven, and even if she ever could he’d never do it for himself, but hope coursed through him; and he opened his eyes with heavy lids to see her staring straight at him. And then she said his name. If he had a heart, he was pretty sure it would’ve stopped right there, but there was no time to think about it as her body keeled forward, the light going from her eyes right before they closed.
”Alice?! ALICE!”
He reached out and caught her, cold with fear and panic as he put an ear to her chest. Ba-dump ba-dump, ba-dump. Oh thank god. Nothing had ever sounded so beautiful. He always loved the beating of her heart, but nothing compared to his sudden relief. Cradling her in his arms, he brought her to his chest and stood up. He had no right to hold her against him, to feel the weight of her body in his arms, but he was the only one here and he’d have to do. And this time he wasn’t ******** letting go; still, he had to get help. She’d fainted, he was sure, and there wasn’t even a bed in his room. Gowland. He had to find Mary. Adjusting her in his arms as best he could, Boris turned around and headed back the way he came, though a lot more careful this time.
”Hang on Alice, I’ve got you. I’m so sorry…”
He was mumbling to her, he knew, but there was no help for it. He could say sorry a million times a day and not even come close to how heavy he felt. Tucking her in closer to his chest, he bowed his head over her as he pushed through the branches, doing his best to shield her body with his own as he sought help.
”Please, just be okay. I love you, please come back. Please… I love you, I love you, I’m so sorry…”
