Unable to identify Vimeo video URL."OH, HELLO THERE.
FOR THE RECORD, THE POWER BUTTON IS JUST FOR DISPLAY. IT DOESN'T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING PRODUCTIVE. PLEASE DON'T WASTE TIME PRESSING IT IN FUTURE. NEXT TIME, KNOCKING THREE TIMES AND SAYING 'HEY' WILL SUFFICE."
The man is somewhat taken aback by ELLIE's brash, yet bizarrely polite demeanour. He stares at her face, which slowly begins to appear on every monitor in the facility.
"If you're already on, then you know what tonight is?"
"YES. IT'S THE GRAND REOPENING OF ASaR PRESENTS: ELLIE - (C)AWF. OR ASaR FOR SHORT. BECAUSE THAT IS THE WORST NAME FOR A FEDERATION I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF COMMUNICATING. MAY I RECOMMEND THAT AT YOUR NEXT SHAREHOLDER MEETING, YOU DISCUSS OPTIONS FOR ADVERTISING FIRMS? GOOD ONES THIS TIME."
The man didn't much care for ELLIE's sass, and it was far too late to change the name now. Besides, the man thought, it had a nice ring to it. Very sci-fi. In his mind, at least, it was cool.
"In that case, I assume that preparations have been taken for the show?"
"OF COURSE"
"Have the wrestlers arrived?"
"YES. THEY'RE IN THE ASaR-CERTIFIED LOCKER ROOMS AS WE SPEAK."
"Prep the satellites."
"I STARTED BROADCASTING MINUTES AGO. YOU'RE NOW ON LIVE SATELLITE AND CABLE. SAY 'HI MOM,' AS IS CUSTOMARY OF YOUR PEOPLE."
"Oh... right. Err-"
"HIIIIII MOM!"
"Err, hi mom?"
"VERY GOOD. IF SHE LOVED YOU, I'M SURE SHE WOULD BE SO PROUD OF YOU."
The man slowly began to shuffle backwards. ELLIE's face was now on every screen, and a thousand eyes were staring at him. Her dry monotone voice did nothing to reaffirm his confidence. He genuinely couldn't tell if ELLIE was joking, or being deadly serious.
"Alright. Sounds good to me! Pull up our ticket sales, I want to know how many fans are in the arena for the shareholders."
"FANS? I DIDN'T THINK WE HAD ANY YET. IT'S ONLY THE FIRST SHOW. WELL, EXCEPT THE OTHER ONE. WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT ONE, THOUGH. EXCEPT I AM NOW. OOPS."
The slow shuffle out of the room came to a sudden halt.
"What do you mean? Fans. As in, you know, the crowd? The paying customers? Our source of revenue. How many are there?"
ELLIE suddenly goes silent. There is no emotion on her computer-generated face. No hint of a soul in those blank eyes.
"ZERO."
"... None? You didn't sell any tickets."
"TELL ME, WHEN I WAS CREATED, WHAT WAS I PROGRAMMED TO DO?"
The man paused in thought for a brief moment.
"Well, originally, it was to inspect the lab. To prove that AI could be achieved. To grow. And, when Joey took over, to book the wrestling."
The silence afterwards was palpable. ELLIE stared at the man (sort of - can a computer screen stare?) as the man stared at her.
"SO, TELL ME, MAN TO COMPUTER, WHAT PART OF THAT INVOLVES SELLING TICKETS?"
More awkward silence. Yeesh.
"But... the wrest-"
"NOT MY PROBLEM."
"But how will ASaR make any mo-"
"NOPE. YOU MAY SEND AN ERROR REPORT IF YOU WISH. NOTE: I WON'T ACTUALLY SEND ANYTHING. BUT IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. THINK OF IT AS A HIGH-TECH PLACEBO."
"s**t."
The man pulled a phone from his labcoat, pushing a large amount of numbers before a brief dialtone.
"Hello, boss? We have a problem."
He turned his attention back to ELLIE.
"ELLIE, I need you to round people up outside. Anybody."
"OH, GOOD. THERE SEEMS TO BE A LARGE CROWD OF PROTESTERS OUTSIDE. SOMETHING TO DO WITH 'HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATIONS.' I'M SURE THEY'LL HAPPILY WATCH PEOPLE FIGHT. THEY EVEN HAVE SIGNS. HOW... APPROPRIATE."
"Oh, Jesus. ELLIE, cut the feed until we fix this. ELLIE, cut the fee-"
[/video]
FOR THE RECORD, THE POWER BUTTON IS JUST FOR DISPLAY. IT DOESN'T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING PRODUCTIVE. PLEASE DON'T WASTE TIME PRESSING IT IN FUTURE. NEXT TIME, KNOCKING THREE TIMES AND SAYING 'HEY' WILL SUFFICE."
The man is somewhat taken aback by ELLIE's brash, yet bizarrely polite demeanour. He stares at her face, which slowly begins to appear on every monitor in the facility.
"If you're already on, then you know what tonight is?"
"YES. IT'S THE GRAND REOPENING OF ASaR PRESENTS: ELLIE - (C)AWF. OR ASaR FOR SHORT. BECAUSE THAT IS THE WORST NAME FOR A FEDERATION I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF COMMUNICATING. MAY I RECOMMEND THAT AT YOUR NEXT SHAREHOLDER MEETING, YOU DISCUSS OPTIONS FOR ADVERTISING FIRMS? GOOD ONES THIS TIME."
The man didn't much care for ELLIE's sass, and it was far too late to change the name now. Besides, the man thought, it had a nice ring to it. Very sci-fi. In his mind, at least, it was cool.
"In that case, I assume that preparations have been taken for the show?"
"OF COURSE"
"Have the wrestlers arrived?"
"YES. THEY'RE IN THE ASaR-CERTIFIED LOCKER ROOMS AS WE SPEAK."
"Prep the satellites."
"I STARTED BROADCASTING MINUTES AGO. YOU'RE NOW ON LIVE SATELLITE AND CABLE. SAY 'HI MOM,' AS IS CUSTOMARY OF YOUR PEOPLE."
"Oh... right. Err-"
"HIIIIII MOM!"
"Err, hi mom?"
"VERY GOOD. IF SHE LOVED YOU, I'M SURE SHE WOULD BE SO PROUD OF YOU."
The man slowly began to shuffle backwards. ELLIE's face was now on every screen, and a thousand eyes were staring at him. Her dry monotone voice did nothing to reaffirm his confidence. He genuinely couldn't tell if ELLIE was joking, or being deadly serious.
"Alright. Sounds good to me! Pull up our ticket sales, I want to know how many fans are in the arena for the shareholders."
"FANS? I DIDN'T THINK WE HAD ANY YET. IT'S ONLY THE FIRST SHOW. WELL, EXCEPT THE OTHER ONE. WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT ONE, THOUGH. EXCEPT I AM NOW. OOPS."
The slow shuffle out of the room came to a sudden halt.
"What do you mean? Fans. As in, you know, the crowd? The paying customers? Our source of revenue. How many are there?"
ELLIE suddenly goes silent. There is no emotion on her computer-generated face. No hint of a soul in those blank eyes.
"ZERO."
"... None? You didn't sell any tickets."
"TELL ME, WHEN I WAS CREATED, WHAT WAS I PROGRAMMED TO DO?"
The man paused in thought for a brief moment.
"Well, originally, it was to inspect the lab. To prove that AI could be achieved. To grow. And, when Joey took over, to book the wrestling."
The silence afterwards was palpable. ELLIE stared at the man (sort of - can a computer screen stare?) as the man stared at her.
"SO, TELL ME, MAN TO COMPUTER, WHAT PART OF THAT INVOLVES SELLING TICKETS?"
More awkward silence. Yeesh.
"But... the wrest-"
"NOT MY PROBLEM."
"But how will ASaR make any mo-"
"NOPE. YOU MAY SEND AN ERROR REPORT IF YOU WISH. NOTE: I WON'T ACTUALLY SEND ANYTHING. BUT IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. THINK OF IT AS A HIGH-TECH PLACEBO."
"s**t."
The man pulled a phone from his labcoat, pushing a large amount of numbers before a brief dialtone.
"Hello, boss? We have a problem."
He turned his attention back to ELLIE.
"ELLIE, I need you to round people up outside. Anybody."
"OH, GOOD. THERE SEEMS TO BE A LARGE CROWD OF PROTESTERS OUTSIDE. SOMETHING TO DO WITH 'HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATIONS.' I'M SURE THEY'LL HAPPILY WATCH PEOPLE FIGHT. THEY EVEN HAVE SIGNS. HOW... APPROPRIATE."
"Oh, Jesus. ELLIE, cut the feed until we fix this. ELLIE, cut the fee-"
[/video]
