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 Posted: Thu Mar 16, 2006 9:09 pm
Tension crackled as the door slammed shut. Gone was the sense of peace that had blown in with the first arrival; all that was left was this awful electricity. Even Rand looked up from his crayons to stare.
What's wrong?
The words hung there unspoken, but no less tangible for that.
Elbows on his knees, Angel covered his mouth with his beautiful musician's hand; no one could have looked more reluctant.
"Uh, Rand, how about we go to my room," Taka said, her voice low. "I have some neat things I think you'll like." The gesture would have been magnanimous, had she not pressed her ear to the door as soon as she closed it behind her.
"That woman isn't as crazy-"
But Sarielle knew the girl better than Taka had anticipated. She pressed light fingers over Angel's lips as he opened them to speak. "She'll listen anyway," she told him with a rueful half-smile. "Let's go outside."
It was much cooler on the porch, where a few intrepid vines had already begun to crawl up the solid posts. It seemed to Sarielle that they, like she, shivered in the stiff breeze.
"I wanted more time."
"Time?" Sarielle shifted closer for warmth, but there was a little bitterness in the line of her jaw. "More time for what, Angel?"
"I don't know. No, that's a lie." He looked at her then, and his eyes, if possible, were even more desolate than hers. "To decide if you need to know. Or if I should let you keep on forgetting..."
Sarielle's body stiffened away from his touch, her lips slightly parted in incredulity.
"Are you happy?"
Happy? He asked it as though he already knew the answer...
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Posted: Fri Mar 17, 2006 3:04 am
"Whats happening?" Rand asked, pressing his ear to the door to mimic Taka.
Outside, Owle heard the footsteps approaching the door. She scrambled away as fast as she could, her body melting into that of a black domestic cat's as she did so. She'd feel like an idiot if she had to explain to Sarielle why she was pacing back and forth on her porch...
...and worse of a fool if she had to explain it to that Angel.
But she couldn't bear to leave yet. She kept wondering, if she'd done the right thing, if maybe she should keep Rand with her, whatever happened...if maybe...but that would be so selfish.
And so she became just one stray cat, dark as the night, skulking among Sarielle's garden.
Are you happy, little bird?
Rafe's voice echoed in her head, as she overheard Sarielle's conversation. He had been asking her then, wanting to know if he'd done the right thing, long ago...wanting to know if he dared enter her life now. Why did this man ask it of Sarielle?
Owle's hair stood on end, and her tail puffed out to epic proportions. She hadn't meant to eavesdrop on Sarielle's private conversations, but...all this talk of forgetting...
If you do drink from that vial, know that you will bring yourself great pain in addition to regaining your memories. But that is your choice to make. That is what you taught me.
Too similar, too interesting to leave.
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Posted: Fri Mar 17, 2006 6:08 am
Taka sighed, slumping against the door. "That's what I was hoping to find out, Rand. But they've gone outside. We'll find out, though..." Eyes darted around the room, assessing. Were they on the porch? Probably. Maybe the window...
She slipped back out of her room, but had second thoughts. "If you're gonna follow me, you gotta be quiet," she told the child at her heels.
-----------------------
It smelled like winter on the porch. The moon was new, and one small black cat went completely unnoticed.
Angel began to tell her things. Tell her things that left her sobbing, denying, while all the while the memories unfolded, petals of her mind so long shut.
Memories of sitting unseen in the rain, that a soul on the brink need not be truly alone. Memories of light, of eyes brighter than the sun, of pure ecstasy in winged Sariel's arms...
...and then rage. Rage so blinding, it shut out all light, all hope, all of what she'd been before. Wading through death and decay, the sharp metallic scent of blood mixing with funeral flowers, and the over-lying bitterness of her own vomit. Grasping, pleading, for one glimmer, for even the chance, just the chance, of redemption...for a light out of the abyss.
Well, it came. Not as easy as she had hoped, but it came, and at a price, after it was said and done, she wasn't sure she was willing to pay.
Then, then were the hardest memories of all. She knew by that sick, ground falling from under her feeling before Angel ever spoke. Fast forward, please, fast forward. And when Sariel turned from her...turned from her completely...she shattered into a thousand pieces, as she had once before.
She tried to throw Angel away, to keep him from touching her, as though by rejecting him she could reject it all. She sobbed, she raved, she hated him for ever making her remember.
He just held her head against him and let her do it. It seemed she would cry forever...but a human can shed only so many tears; and in the end, she had none left.
She barely heard the soft hum of his voice as it droned into the night; barely registered the hopscotch existence she'd shared with Felix; barely understood that Angel - no, it was Raphael really, wasn't it? - had only told her all this to offer her a chance of escape.
How long had he held her face in his hands like that? How many times had he repeated her name, voice ragged and desperate as she felt? "Look at me!"
And she did. But she didn't see a young musician with a seraphic face anymore. No, he was so much more and so very beautiful, wings glowing white-hot, so bright they hurt her eyes.
"I can't, I can't," she told him over and over. If she could have wept again she would, but she was denied even that infinitesimal relief. She saw him with his mind's eye, as her friend had been when she, too, had been whole.
"You always knew," he murmured, saying everything, anything, beating back the silence and Sarielle's anguished thoughts. "The first time you saw me again, you said 'angel.' I let you think it was my name, something you'd remembered..."
Details about the Petals could wait till dawn, when nightmares no longer loomed just around the corner. She knew there was a chance for redemption. That was enough for tonight.
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Posted: Fri Mar 17, 2006 7:02 am
Rand nodded, and crept after Taka on tiptoe, as quietly as he could. "Promise," he whispered.
---------------------
Sarielle had been an angel?
...it didn't improve Owle's opinion of her. Quite the opposite. But what did I used to be? If my creators saw mortals as mere pawns...
And then Sarielle started crying, raging. Owle turned away. She shouldn't be here, shouldn't be seeing this...
Sarielle would be involved in the game. For the chance to become an angel again? What would happen if Sarielle did go back? Owle's stomach tied up in knots. She had felt a sort of kinship to Sarielle, without knowing why...and now she knew.
But all Sarielle wanted was to go back. And all Owle wanted was to remain mortal, choose her own way of being.
For the mind is its own place, and in itself, can make a hell of heaven, a heaven of hell.
Would she rage like that, if she drank the vial Rafe had given her to restore her memories? Great pain, he had said...great pain..a part of her thought she should throw it away, not even give it a second thought. Would it be worth it to remember things best left behind, best left forgotten? She would never go back to that life, maybe she shouldn't even know of it...but even as she thought it, she knew she would drink. She wanted to know where she had come from, and why the gods were trying to kill her. She wanted to know why Rafe loved her, and what she had felt for him. She wanted to know a thousand things...and the thought of the possible consequences wouldn't stop her. She knew it, and lamented it.
But that would wait, till the time was right. Right now, she ought to get away from Sarielle's porch and stop intruding on the poor woman's privacy.
Later, when the chaos came to them all, she would seek Sarielle out. Sarielle had done so much for her...for Rand...that even if Owle didn't agree with her reasons, she ought to at least make sure the woman got through this safely.
A black cat went scampering off, into the night. Heading for home.
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Posted: Mon Apr 10, 2006 8:52 am
((Throwing this here so I don't disrupt anything in Sari's journal. As a note "Isoho" was one of the names Owle was called when she was a god. She served Thanatos..which generally meant killing lots of mortals. And Morpheus is the god of dreams...)) A letter, slipped into Sarielle's mail box during the wee hours of the morning Dear Sarielle, I hope you're alright. I didn't see you at the temple in the end...I just hope you managed to make your way back home safely. I wasn't able to find you after we got seperated by that giant...T...thing. That was kind of scary. Anyway, I hope this finds you well. I still exist. I'm still mostly me, and I'm still more or less alive. But I'm going to have to ask you to watch Rand, for just a little longer. A friend of mine, Morpheus, was taken by the Furies. I can't just leave him to his fate, whatever it might cost me. If there's any way I can come back and care for Rand, I will, I promise you. If you can't care for him any longer, I'll find another place for him. You know how to contact me. ~Owle There seemed to be several pieces of paper slipped into the envelope; that was only the first of them. A slip of paper addressed to Angel Angel, You were right about me. I'm sorry for the way I acted. I didn't know, then, what I once was... Know that I have no intention of ever harming anyone like that again. I would die sooner than return to that existence. I already died once to get out of it. I'm sorry. If Sarielle hasn't returned home, you might want to go looking for her. The game has ended, with some insane guy destroying both the demon and angel who were supposed to oversee the game. I'd have applauded him if he didn't try destroying the world after that. Oh, well. I can feel that Sarielle's still alive and well...I'd seek her out myself, but I have to go yell at some Furies and hope the gods don't wipe me from existence. I don't know if you're familiar with Morpheus...but he has done so much for me, and now the Furies have taken him. I have little time if I want to find him. Please understand. ~Isoho PS. I know I don't need to tell you. But take good care of them while you're able. A small piece of paper, written in large, capital letters and decorated with sickeningly cute drawings Finally, the last thing in the envelope was a money order for 1,000 gold, made out to Sarielle. Flare had been generous with the prize money she had gotten from retrieving one of the petals...and Owle felt like she ought to at least be paying Sarielle for her trouble.
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