Welcome to Gaia! ::

I think I started being depressed around the age of 25yrs old (I'm in my early 30's now). It started shortly after I got out of a really messed up relationship where I met this girl online, chatted for about 3mos, then I met her outside the net. I was instantly taken by her, her charisma, her looks, her all around energy. So taken in fact that I started seriously dating her two weeks after meeting her face-to-face. People around me told me she was bad news...but I didn't see it till it was too late. She was draining me financially, ostracizing me from my loved ones and all around making my life hell to the point where I landed myself in a homeless shelter just to be with her. This went on for two years till I finally lost my wits and left her without notice, however this wasn't before I had drained all my resources on her and was left penniless.

So it continued when I went to live with a friend of mine (that I use to go out with) 5hrs away. She took me in because she couldn't see me living on the streets. Now, you may be wondering "why didn't you just go back home?" Well I was too embarrassed to. I couldn't live with myself after how I had destroyed myself and the confidence that people had in me. So to continue...I was living with my friend; this is where my depression started. I trusted her and was humbled by how she opened her home to me, wanted to help me get back on my feet (well, as so I thought). I had about $50 to my name, not much work experience, but knew I had to get back on track. A month passed, money all gone, and no work. All the while, I had to put up with nights of my "friend" emitting lustful wails night after night while her mom was away. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I tried to over-dose on pain pills to dull the emotional pain...I was out of my mind...I didn't know what to do. Instead of my "friend" commiserating with me, and try to work with me through my emotional slope...she kicked me out with nothing but my clothes and a bus ticket back home.

So it went on, I was back in my hometown, again penniless, and living with my sister and her partner. She tried to aid me by letting me live rent free, and suggested I go back to school, study something I enjoyed to clear my mind a little. I took up graphic design because I loved art and computers...did that for three months...but that tanked because I could not concentrate on my studies and therefore didn't get the credits and dropped out. So my sister demanded that I try going back to work...and that tanked. So after two episodes of fail, I moved out...they didn't say move out...I just moved out. I ended up moving back with my mom and going on government assistance. Finally, after four months on gov't assist, I managed to save enough money to move out on my own (I couldn't live with my mom anymore because she had a bachelor apt, and it was getting very crowded).

Fast forward three years...I was living with a good friend of mine that told me, needed a roommate that she could trust. This was my big break. It was a great experience...I got along swimmingly with her, even when she had her various partners over and they were going at it (it helped that one of her partners had a thing for me xd ). I even found a job that I enjoyed.

Two years into that experience, I moved out because I was offered a rent controlled apartment with a brain injury society which allowed me financial flexibility. Fast forward three years; I moved into another apartment because the one I was offered had complications with guys with severe brain injuries and behavioral problems which were very hard to cope with in my personal experience. I'm currently in that second apartment still, and yet having problems with my current roommate because of his behavioral problems.

(Ah, I can't seem to catch a break)

So I am currently taking matters into my own hands and attempting to find a place myself...however (even on meds) my depression continues.

Pancakes. Multigrain pancakes with Aunt Jemima molasses. That's my prescription. However, if you take it too often, you'll get fat.

*Stares deeply into your eyes.*