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Rock on, ace.
For a while, I thought I was asexual, too. Now, I just tell people I'm queer because hey--my sexuality is a bit complicated to explain, not without using words some people aren't used to hearing (polyromantic demisexual, anyone?). Asexuality is still very misunderstood, and it does pain me when people--especially in the LGBTQA community--are quick to refuse an asexual's sexuality as a thing that's very real, or like it's some kind of offense or threat to their own sexuality. Seriously.
I think what upset me the most is when I watched a sex columnist say (I paraphrase), asexuals should stick to their own kind, and dating people of other sexualities was abusive. It made me sick; sick because there are many people who date asexuals, who are not asexuals themselves, who are deeply in love and accepting of their partners' orientation. It's a compromise that some people are willing to make, and that should be their own business. What I find offensive and abusive is the erasure, corrective rape, and harassment that threatens many asexuals, not just other orientations. Because asexuality isn't the "norm," people feel the need to correct it through abuse, be it verbal, emotional, or physical abuse. It's not uncommon for many asexuals to feel manipulated into having sex because their partner made them feel guilty for never putting out, or threatened them in one way or another.
This columnist did have an interesting argument, though. He said that asexuals, if they are to date someone of a different sexuality, their asexuality should be disclosed because many people DO have sexual expectations during dating and relationships. That maybe by not disclosing that one is asexual, one may be giving false impressions because of the "norm"--that everyone wants to have sex sooner or later in life.
I'm a bit conflicted about it, though. While I see his point, I think he's being a bit apathetic towards the asexual community. They're humans, and their sexuality is just as intimate of a part of who they are as it is for anyone else, despite norms. What, are asexuals suppose to walk around with sleeve bands on, or with asexual business cards? Yes, I'm going there, lol. Thing is, the situation is a bit more difficult than the argument he gave, I think.
And how about me? Being demisexual, people think I'm practicing abstinence, or some kind of celibacy, too. They think I'm being all "noble"; either that, or I get accused of trying to be a special snowflake. Should I walk around with something that tells people about my sexuality, too? That I literally feel no sexual attraction for strangers and acquaintances no matter how aesthetically pleasing they are? Just can't help it. That isn't abstinence, people--I'm not trying to fight against any kind of urges until I'm married or whatever. Hell, I'm not even waiting for a committed relationship, lol. Though that would be nice.
But I digress. I'm very supportive of asexuals and their right to be who they are. Feel free to send me a friend request, and I'm more than happy to talk about anything ace! That goes for any other aces who see this awesome thread.
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