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High-functioning Werewolf
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 Posted: Wed Sep 04, 2013 10:35 pm
Kay, so there's a girl I work with at the haunted house that I get along with just fine (we're paired together for a lot of projects because we each have talents that compliment the other). However, ideologically, we are two VERY different people. We've managed to be civil with one another and I like to think she's teaching me to be a more open-minded person.
I know I shouldn't judge a person when I haven't lived their life, but you guys, she's a pretty terrible person. She's rude and judgmental and ignorant pretty much all the time. Mostly, though, what bothers me is how she treats her children. She's a single mother and frequently has to bring her two boys to work with her. Dominic and D'angelo are 4 and 6. They are very sweet boys, but it is very obvious to everyone at work that they are starving for attention from their mother. She has no patience for them. It's always "I'm busy" or "Nobody cares" or "I don't want you, go away".
I'd heard rumors around the haunt that she put hands on her boys, but I didn't witness it until today. She slapped her youngest child twice in the face for disobeying her. I was frozen. Everything in my soul wanted to go comfort her child, and I couldn't even move. I feel like such a failure. I am so ashamed.
These kids are victims of circumstance and I feel like there's nothing I can do. Their mother isn't unfit. She feeds them and clothes them, but it's very clear to me and everyone at the haunt that she doesn't give them anywhere near the love and attention that they need. I'm not sure that CPS would do anything, or if their situation would even improve if CPS were to get involved.
I just have no clue what to do. I know it's not any of my business, but I'm not going to be able to leave it. I'm just not sure what I can do to help these kids beyond just being kind to them. It just doesn't seem like enough. They're sweet boys and I'm sick at what their futures are likely to be because of the way they're treated.
All advice and prayers for strength are welcome. Thanks for reading
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Posted: Fri Sep 06, 2013 12:39 pm
CPS could actually help. even if a child is being fed and clothed, it is now unacceptable to hit a child like that. its actually illegal now. Another thing you can do is give them attention. It is possible for you and everyone else there to take the opportunity to touch these kids lives. and in the process, you could touch hers as well. everyone can change, its a matter of will. However if you start to show her what love really is (accepting and being there for someone thats not family) it could give her a heart change.
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thrashmetaljunkie Captain
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Posted: Mon Sep 09, 2013 1:01 pm
Its very common for a parent to hit his/her child in order to discipline them
However this woman seems to have a lack of morals in life and has no guidance whatsoever, but God works in ways we cannot comprehend so if He wills she will become more of an understanding person
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Posted: Thu Sep 12, 2013 11:52 am
That's a really tough situation to be in. My mother used to slap us as kids, but frankly, it was merited every time and I can count of one hand the number of times she ever raised a hand to me and my five siblings.
You say that she's not an unfit parent, but from what you've described, I'm not so sure that's true. Feeding your kids, putting clothes on their back and a roof over their head does not a good parent make. That's the barest of mare minimums when it comes to taking care of any living thing, and if we were talking about a house plant, then that might be enough, but these are human children, not house plants, or even dogs.
All that being said, being a single parents is very difficult, and it sounds like she's pretty overwhelmed. Unfortunately, she may very well be doing her best, even if her best clearly isn't good enough.
I don't really know what advice to give you. Maybe you could offer to babysit her kids sometimes. That could reduce her stress level and make her able to be a better parent. At any rate, I'd try to tactfully try to get to know both her and her kids better and get a better understanding of their situation before you call in the government.
I know that here we have a lot of government services specifically aimed at helping young single parents. The programme is kind of controversial here because a lot of deadbeats take advantage of it and keep popping out babies that they're unfit to care for just to get more free money from our taxes at work, but it sounds like this woman could genuinely use some help if there's any sort of similar programme where you live.
Just tread carefully. Especially within families, things aren't always what they appear to be. Usually things are worse than they appear, but not always, and I think calling in a social worker to potentially tear their family apart would be jumping the gun at this point, no matter how good your intentions are.
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Posted: Sun Sep 15, 2013 8:09 pm
thrashmetaljunkie CPS could actually help. even if a child is being fed and clothed, it is now unacceptable to hit a child like that. its actually illegal now. Another thing you can do is give them attention. It is possible for you and everyone else there to take the opportunity to touch these kids lives. and in the process, you could touch hers as well. everyone can change, its a matter of will. However if you start to show her what love really is (accepting and being there for someone thats not family) it could give her a heart change. Really? I always hear conflicting information regarding whether or not any sort of corporal punishment is legally considered abuse these days. I'm sure it probably depends on location, too. Not that I would hit my hypothetical kids, though I do think classifying slapping as serious abuse is a little too bleeding-heart, even for me. Of course, I might feel differently if my parents never slapped us, but they occasionally did, and I certainly never felt abused by them. I mean, it worked. If I did something and got slapped for it, I definitely didn't do it again, and it didn't scar me for life or anything. Granted, I probably shouldn't be holding myself up as a shining example of a well-adjusted human. But that's not really my parents' fault.
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Posted: Thu Sep 19, 2013 3:03 am
Even crappy parents don't like other people nosing in on their parenthood. If you're kind enough to her children and her children respond to that you could trigger jealousy in her that could cause her to reconsider how she treats her kids. Trouble with calling cps is you often need proof or a lot of witnesses. But in the end if it doesn't get resolved there's little you can do about it. No matter how irritating it is to see a good dog being fed in a back yard and never receiving any attention the law knows not love or feelings. Personally, I think people tend to over react to slapping children. It's the same as spanking but in a different place. No one's life was ever ruined by an appropriately placed spanking.
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High-functioning Werewolf
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Posted: Thu Sep 19, 2013 8:47 am
If the kid did anything that I thought warranted a slap, I wouldn't have been so uncomfortable. I don't know what happened prior to me being there, I don't know if he'd been mouthy and disobedient all day or what, but the only thing I saw him do was ignore his mom one time. The face slapping isn't really what bothered me the most, either. It's the verbal abuse and neglect that get under my skin. That stuff always seems more extreme to me because I'm a product of it, and I don't wish that on anyone.
I agree that I don't really know enough about the situation to get CPS involved, and a lot of the "witnesses" are just speculating. And I'm fully aware that most foster situations are going to be similar to what they're going through now, except chances are they wouldn't be fostered together.
I'm nice to the boys when I see them and I encourage their talents. Dominic likes to draw. D'angelo likes science. I'm thinking of getting them a small Christmas gift. I just wish there was more that I could do. It breaks my heart that some kids just have to live that way and there's nothing to be done about it. *sigh*
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