I finally got my internet back up thanks to Comcast. I am now fully paying for our high speed internet... and I am seriously looking to move out of my home and flee from my nest. So if anyone knows a nice cozy place than send me a message because girl... you make the dubstep butterflies in my stomach go WuB wUb....

In other news... site STILL hasn't gone up... think I'm gonna use Wordpress.com. I have a bunch of drafts written because everyone that knows me, knows well enough that I am an animal.... but that's neither here nor there. Point is: Said I would put the site up last Friday, didn't... and it wasn't because I was incapable, it was because I had an opportunity to and I chose not to, and I hate not going along with my word... not that anyone cares, but ya know... I do... and I think that's important. Regardless of whether anyone reads this or not I am still putting forth the effort to write for your entertainment.

Say you're walking through a park one day and you see a trash can with a piece of paper next to it... but it's not in it. You spot it, sitting there. Do you shrug and walk away? Or do you pick that up and throw it away... ? I will say this: if you picked it up and threw it away, you put forth that effort. If we all did that, the world would be a cleaner place, and every single time you have that option you're making the choice... If everyone had the mentality of helping others than you wouldn't even see that... your actions are helping the masses who care and you are +1 to that group of people so long as you continue to do that each time... maintaining that is what makes caring important can't ya see? You could be on the road to progress, and to some kinda change.

If you didn't... *shrugs* screw it, it was just a piece of paper... but what is caring anyway? The next person that comes along has the chance to do it.... Alas, that mentality has always been my own personal red flag that stops me in my tracks... but if you did it, they wouldn't have seen the paper! Their minds would continue on the same flow of thought that it originally does without the interference of that piece of paper... altering that course. Isn't it strange how life works? The outcome no one really knows about, but the world would have still been a better place if you picked up that paper. Seriously, stop littering. I'll have you know there is absolutely no moral to this, and if you found one in yourself than good job. heart

I'm not saying you should care all the time. World's too big for that. No one will help you not because they don't want to.. but because they can't. Their hands are already inevitably full. They are stressed or... have things they are personally dealing with. It's happening all around.... and if someone takes that time to help you, they should be appreciated, and cherished.

Recently I took a small dive. I could feel it in me. My inspiration sank and my life went into an obstacle as it does for everyone.... but I have a certain pride and maybe I am a fool for thinking for one second it's over... because everyone is a fool. The world is full of fools. So let me embrace that for once and open myself to the masses. Blogging was something I was afraid of. My ideas are something I am afraid of... the world... I am afraid of it, yes.... but if I don't reveal these ideas, how am I not being like anyone else who threw in the towel? I think my ideas are pretty unique... so maybe I should make this difference because if I think like this, surely there are at least a handful of people that do too. I pick that paper, or can up, and I throw that away every time. There is not a single time I don't and when I see it, it goes in the trash. I want to help, and make a difference... and so, I will make this blog and start inspiring myself to overcome my fear, be more expressive, and be more honest with myself because I am sorta tired of my habitual lying. Total party foul... I can't do half the things I am capable of doing because of self restriction. I am my own worst enemy... buuut it's something I gotta overcome myself. I always did like challenges.

(The second half of this is the re-work of an old draft I wrote about how every time I helped the community by picking up a piece of trash and throwing it away I had thought about my impact. You may have seen it in my other writings. If you did, sorry.)