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Ya know, life's awful these days, and I'm not just saying this as a negative person I actually mean it. Life is sucking Satan's XXXX and is swallowing while kissing Jesus. Man. That was a thought I didn't want to think of, haha. Anyway. So my families Christian(shocker!) which makes me the odd ball of the family, being the only Wiccan.

Now for those of you who don't know what a Wiccan is, they are, simply put, witches. Not like Harry Potter, sorry can't do things like that. And what bites the dust for those of you that thinks we worship the devil. Your wrong~! Anyway back to life sucking balls and XXXX. So my neighborhood, my white racist, idiotic, and bible bound morons. Scare the living s**t out of me. I'm scared just to say in the fear that they'll drag me to church yelling at me to repent and to convert, saying "Being bi is unnatural!!" God thinking about it gives me a head ache.

Anyway~ In class today(summer school for me...joy) one of the guys thought I was lying on a math problem when I, a genius, said I didn't know the answer, so this was our conversation:

Me: "If I'm lying I'll have a donkey kick my in the butt."
Him: "Ok...but you don't have a donkey.."
Me: "Don't worry about the donkey, I can get one easily... My school's full of a**'!"

That was pretty much the conversation, so looking at the paper me and other educated people looked at the same problem. Them talking their smart talk of:
Person 1: "We should make an educated guess."
Person 2: "No, we should ask the teacher."
person 3: "No! No! We should just solve it the long way."

Then there was me:
"Shut the ******** up and just guess you idiots, it's not like we're solving a problem for a million dollars!"

That shut everyone up. I ended up just leaving and going back to my seat. So after that I saw my buddy Gabby. We hugged like awkward girls do, though because of that people think we're dating...Everyone thinks I like people who are my best friends... Goddess it gets annoying at times. So after we hugged in the middle of the hallway trying to walk backwards still hugging, messing up horribly. I went home and chilled. Now the difference between me chilling and normal people chilling is that I play good music and sing loudly, enough to annoy my neighbors. My singings not bad but I just yell really...hen run around the house, talk loudly to myself, dance like a penguin/chicken, they draw. My normal time alone. So since I'm an only child(oh such a lonely life for a young chick like me) I can annoy the s**t out of me, neighbors, my mom, my grandma, my cat, and dog. Ah fun fun.

So this weekend I was sick past the sick point, ended almost throwing up, anyway I went to Barnes and Nobles. Now I have nothing wrong with white people, I just have something wrong with they when they're rude as hell to me. I have had horrible experiences at that book store. Now I'm mixed, black and white, now I don't look it, I'm a dark mix person so people mistake me for being black. A lot. So when I was little me and my grandma went to Barnes and Nobles. Let's just say it was enough to make me cry myself to sleep for a week and not be able to eat for that week, because of what happened. So I really hate Barnes and Nobles simply. Any one out there please enlighten me on this question.. Why do white people think staring at little black people is ok? Really what have I, a complete stranger, done to you? Last time I checked we had white people crying to be black and white people, like JB, "being" black. So what is up, you bipolar morons?! Now not all white people are like this, I know and I love you guys that are like that but seriously people who are starrers. Do they ever think you being so harsh causes another little girl or little boy that's black or mixed, to commit suicide?

Do they that get some of us already get that from other black people?

I don't know but I have already had an experience with suicide, depression, cutting, and the works. I won't go into details but really some people piss me off. So after getting sick there, stared the hell down, we left with quite a few books. Had fun(sarcasm meant) anyway this is all for now. I wonder what else might happen soon.

Ok so I lied about not knowing Korean... I google translated what I said in the last post. Haha. Anyway I couldn't post yesterday because of how tired and late I got hoe.. Yay. Anyway I have no mre therapy!!!!!!!!! Yay! Even though I'm sad my therapist isn't working anymore I'm so glad I have my Wednesdays and Thursdays back to my self once again. I can't wait for highschool though, well actually I can wait...Let 9h grade come in a few years...I do and don't want to go to my new school...I haven't had any time to get all the things I want to make an exciting entrance to my new school life....

So I have a few more weeks till my birthday is here... I don't know what I want to even do then...but it also means I'm a few more weeks closer o the school year beginning. I don't want to celebrate my birthday if it means going to school sooner...August...Stay away!! T-T

So today at summer school...it was interesting. The guys thought me and my best friend Gabby were dating..Like usual, but it was a bit more..interesting. A conversation with ma and one of the boys went a bit like this:

Guy: So are you and that girl...um...
Me: What??
Guy: Are you and her -claps hands together to make up the word for ******** each other-
Me: -_- No
Guy: Oh..um..ok
Me: -rolls eyes-

It was a bit awkward but funny at the same time. I can't really describe the moment any way the whole hour was full of jokes and craziness as usual..but unfortunately I had to listen to mean gay jokes. I relly hate it when some of the jokes are just a tiny bit funny and yet you hate that... I put myself in the corner of shame and where the cone now. Punishment must be dealt. We had un though...minus the some of the jokes. Though blonde jokes are surprisingly funny sorry to blondes...but damn...Their pretty funny.

So back two the whole therapy thing.. I'm really hoping the put me as stable and only need med management to make sure I'm up to date on meds.. I don't want to go back to Face-To-Face... I mean I had fun but I don't need anymore group therapy...though the food they ad there was yummy. I could eat all their food if I could. Though I really don't feel the need to be put back into the program. I almost got held back because I was in there for so long during the school year, missing a lot of school work but I wouldn't have missed much. The time I was gone from school we were holding a bunch of after school parties and dances. Though the reason I say I won't miss much is because I wouldn't be able to go to them. Mom always keeps me home from after school parties or dances. "I' to young for them" -rolls eyes- I'm turning 15 for ******** sake what does she mean I'm to young?

I bet I probably can't even go to prom when it comes up, because she so against me going to parties. I missed a lot of fun because of her. Haha. I remember my therapist even telling her that I dislike her and with draw from her. Wow did I get an ear full from her. ^-^; Can't be helped though. Sadly to say though I can't think of much else to write about. I guess all I can hope for is that I don't fall back into my "dark place" as mom likes to say -rolls eyes- yeesh..so many words I want to say yet so many things I shouldn't say.

I guess my only hope for the rest of the summer is to not end up in prison like so many freshman do.

Feels like forver since I last posted...Well happy Tuesday!

So let me go over the past days. Friday I went o a ghost hunt at the Straight Farm..... -.- It's really called Straight Farm..It belonged to the Straight Family... I ended up getting hit on by a ghost teen named Ralph Straight.... Joy >.>

Saturday I caught another cold on top of the cold I already had and was making a slow recovery out of, and then got my hair trimmed and highlighted. It looks so cool!

Sunday I slept, and slept, though I fought my cold some more.

Monday I made another anime fangirl friend, started making her a list of manga to read and watch. Got her phone number too.. Though it's not like I'd hit on her. She's cute though, just not my type of cute.

Then today......

-drum roll-

I had my last day of summer school, took a horrible math test.. Which I flunked! 18/30 ...It was so sad though I did study for once. Joking I never studied. I even got a cookie from my Math teacher! I'm so lucky. ^-^ though I'm glad I don't have to see those annoying face of those annoying, stupid a**, a*****e, boys anymore! God they make me so mad! Yesterday they threw things at me and I almost got in trouble for calling them jackasses. T-T It sucked but you know I walked away a hero cause I saved their balls from being smashed to a million pieces. I have a hard kick. I remember a year ago I kicked a guy in the shin and her had a huge bruise for two months and even then it was still there. So they made it away safely.

Though today I have babysitting. Yay! I get to see Gigi and my money!! I sort of missed Gigi ya know? After a while that baby grew on me.. I still don't want kids, never will I have kids or get any kids. Why? Because I won't make the same mistakes as mom and dad did. So no kid, no problems. Anyway babysitting satisfies my want to hold a baby.

....So it seems today I went a bit overboard >///< I was..well ya know...having some alone time with me and myself...though I guess I got to excited and scratched my inside because when I pulled my fingers out they were bloody.... I don't panic when I see blood. Usually. But today having it come out of my most precious area sort of made me panic a bit. But ya know its all good. I hope. So with crossed fingers I hope I didn't do anything bad to myself.

So moving on from that embarrassment I am officially getting a phone! A real phone! Yay! I finally got mom to but me a phone for my 15 birthday! Though knowing her I'll be getting it on my 18 birthday... so even with high hopes I know I'm going to be let down since she knows I'm not one of those crazy teens. I barely talk on phones. Most times. I text very little, I'll probably forget I have a phone anyway. And she's complaining about how her bills are going to be high when I forget we even have a house phone sometimes! Tch. She just doesn't like me having nice things. She's got one of those new smart phones and is planning on getting a new one, yet she complains about me. Pisses me off!

Whatever though, I have other worries to worry about. Like I don't know, my 16 birthday coming in a year. Usually girls have already planned the party, and its the biggest party of your life, but really I find it a waste of time, a way to show off your money, be a selfish person, and to show off how good your family is. Bullshit. It pisses me off to the max. Birthdays. I personally hate them. Everything bad happens on my birthday, to the people I know and/or care about. So I hate them, they're bad for me and my feelings. Mom tried getting me to do something on my birthday:

Mom: So what do you want to do on your birthday?
Me: Sleep
Mom: You don't want to go to Cedar Park?
Me: You want to go Cedar Park. I don't want to, there'd be nothing to do anyway...
Mom: Yes there is, we can go on rides.
Me: Not the rides I want to go on. Since you won't let me.
-long pause-
Mom: .....Is there anything else you want to do? It is your special day
Me: So what if it's my special day. It's still a day.
Mom: ......But it's your birthday.
Me: So what if it is. I'm just going up a year, getting one year older. Nothing special about that. It just means I'm one year closer to death.

......Looking back on this I sound gloomy as hell, but I was angry. Just because it's a special day doesn't mean the world's gonna stop for me and celebrate it. It doesn't mean dad's coming back, it doesn't mean everyone who died is coming back alive just to make me happy. It doesn't mean my families going to even remember its my birthday, nor does it mean people are going to stop bullying me on my birthday. So what's the difference from a birthday and a normal day. Is it because someone say happy birthday it automatically makes the day special. I deeply hate birthdays.

There a waste of time and effort, it explains why I haven't had a birthday party since I was 5, even then it was only a couple of friends.

But I have to wonder, when did I stop enjoying my birthday? Maybe it was after I found out about dad. Or when people started to die on me. Hmm... I can't remember. I really can't. It's a bit sad. I've come to hate things I should enjoy. I don't even enjoy holidays any more, I used to love them too. I guess I've changed a lot over the years

So earlier today I was eating chips and playing Final Fantasy XIII. So it came to a cut scene and I couldn't hear anything over my chewing. I got so sad cause I was like "I want to eat my chips but I want to here my Lightning speak....Why can't I have both ways?!" So I ended up not eating my chips for a while because I had to hear Lightning speak.

Well that's all for now! I hope I can sleep in real late tomorrow!