 Posted: Mon Dec 02, 2013 5:17 pm
 ❝ Ｗｉｌｌ ｙｏｕ ｓｔｉｌｌ ｌｏｖｅ ｍｅ ｗｈｅｎ Ｉ ｇｏｔ ｎｏｔｈｉｎ' ｂｕｔ ｍｙ ａｃｈｉｎｇ ｓｏｕｌ? ❞Fortunately for Stacie; He got here just in time.
On the trip into the city and out, he smiled at everyone he met, offering the utmost of kindness he could. But once he was here...It dropped. His clenched fists released, and he looked up at the dark sky, looking to the right. This valley overlooked the graveyard.
He felt his heart drop into his stomach.
Yes; They had buried the people there recently. Eight people had died in the town. Half of natural causes, other half of sickness. Stacie gulped, finding his throat hoarse all the sudden. This is what happened when Banshees held in their proper mourning. He cast a look at it skin: Sickly pale, like a corpse's. His hair was dull and ugly, eyes light and lifeless, void. He looked sad - the beautiful lips tilted down into the slightest of frowns. Usually Stacie didn't let it get this bad, he usually always had time to go properly mourn deaths all around. But something picked at him. Something kept gnawing at the back of his head - yelling at him. His chest felt tight - like chains were wrapped around the pulsating organ. His stomach felt light - his head felt heavy, his body felt pained. Everything about him was in pain, and he didn't know why. Previous thoughts on books he had read before floated into his head, drowning him of his energy as he tried to relax. It had started when he began reading his new book. It was a love story.
There it was again. The chains tightened, and it once again picked at him. Why did that word bother him so much? Love. Stacie closed his eyes and lifted his head up, opening his mouth.
He screamed, and the grass soon died. The tree turned dry. It shriveled up into a brown, lifeless knot. And then it blew away, with the wind, as he continued screaming. His nose bled out slightly, and his ears burned. There was not going to be a song today - no beautiful tune to put the death at proper rest.
He would mourn them properly. With death came pain. But never was it this intense. Stacie's kindness hadn't been broken, it would never be. But his heart was not at rest. It bled and it cried out to Stacie, but he couldn't interpret its words. He didn't understand love. He didn't understand what his heart was telling him - that he had it all wrong.
That his mind, so broken, and so confused after years of loneliness, was wrong. That for once in his life, it would be okay to listen to his heart. To open it up and accept something other than kindness. To stop giving it out, and be less stubborn!
Stacie screamed louder, and he felt rocks split.
He had never understood what love was. People always told him about love, and he understood there were two types of it. He never understood any of it. Sibling love, chummy love. It was something everyone felt. It happened in the books he read all the time. On the television. It was all around him.
Why was it still so hard to understand?
His mind wouldn't let him. His heart wouldn't let him. They were too wounded. With the fear of being cast aside again; with the fear that 'thank you' would not be enough.
With the fear that all he was good enough to give was kindness. Everyone deserved kindness. Even him. But he didn't deserve love; and because of that, Stacie couldn't give it in return.
Maybe his heart and mind thought that they could find a friend to love. One to hug and share all their worries with, knowing that that person was only ever going to be a peer. Maybe his heart and mind didn't realize how much it hurt Stacie. How selfish they were being to the "friend." How humans were delicate creatures, and that not all of them bounced back time after time. This went past the point of ignorance. The shame and fear was so deeply etched into his soul that his mind was not willing to understand on it's own.
Stacie had been alone his entire life. His mind and heart hadn't learned to truly listen to others. They were too afraid. Stacie was too afraid.
Maybe that kindness was his excuse for the love he'd never be able to give someone. Stacie stopped screaming, his mind reeling as he came to this conclusion.
His chest ached now. He had mourned, but now something else picked at him.
Maybe that kindness was his excuse for the love he'd never be able to give someone.
That...man? His caretaker? Stacie blinked back tears, clutching at his chest. They streamed down his face regardless. He just never understood people! Stacie clenched his fist and closed his eyes tightly. He was stupid when it came to emotions. He was afraid of hurting another person. Maybe if all he was was kind, then that would never happen. That'd he'd always get a chance to say that "thank you". So that would never happen again.
But why did his heart cry? Why did he feel so awful, knowing this was true?Stacie sniffled and looked up at the sky, running a hand through his hair. His hair had started getting its color back, along with his skin. Stacie hadn't understood love for hundreds of years. He lived with pain in his heart his entire life.
What was one more to deal with? He couldn't tell himself the obvious truth - he couldn't accept it, and he feared love.
Stacie sucked in a breathe and wiped his tears, smiling faintly. Was everyone home, yet? He wondered. Had Naomi picked out the song?
Stacie's smile softened further, and another tear streamed down his face as his chest hurt again. He willed his heart to accept the pain.
He'd accept the pain. He accept all the pain the world had to offer him. It was his job. He'd live with more pain in his heart - pain he didn't have to carry for himself. Stacie walked down the sickly dirt path, still smiling that kind smile of his - the smile that would always hide the pain in his heart. And he'd never let anyone know that. That would only cause people to worry. He'd never let that happen.
Stacie really was an idiot to think he'd weigh down everyone's troubles. He had been doing it for so long. He was hurting himself and no one knew.
Who could help him if he didn't let them? He was a great actor...
Stacie had years of practice.
And it was time to start over again.
(( Exit. ))
_________________________________________________________________________ Celestial Vagabond So in the end, all the Angst, and he ends up worse than he started, with putting his feelings aside and just...being nice to her. Consider that kiss, gone. Off his mind, like it never happened. I'm sorry he's so selfish about his feelings. <3 Poor Luce.
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