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Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 10:26 am
This was an entry for a writing contest with someones Gaiain Avatar. I didn't win of course, however I love what I wrote and I have decided to turn it into a story.
I kinda have an idea for it, but I'm not sure...
My name is Saoul Landers. I was recently in a tragic accident that should have killed me. I was the designated driver. It was after one in the morning. Snow softly fell from the heavens; a small pillow covered the roads. I have been driving in the snow since I was fifteen. Ten years of experience whispered in my ear to keep slow and not to panic.
It was the week of Christmas. Parties were being held every night around town. I was invited to a dear old friends house; our families went three generations back with some marriages between them. Mother and Father left for home around eleven; just before the snow started. I stayed to drive some friends home.
I had already dropped off two friends. It was just me and Sydney, my long time crush. Sydney was buzzed, she didn't like to drink to get drunk. The roads were nearly deserted. A car here and there passed on their way home, or to another party. Our town loved to celebrate.
Sydney saw something out the passenger window. I knew I shouldn't have taken my eyes off the road. I don't know why I did. Perhaps it was destiny. I didn't see anything. She insisted something was out in the dark. I laughed at her and turned back to the road just in time to see the headlights come out of the darkness. I didn't have time to break or swerve. The truck, as I was told later, hit us head on. My seat belt snapped. I was thrown through the window. Sydney was still in the car when it went over the bank and into the river.
I don't remember much. I know my back was to the pavement. I remember seeing the snow swirl about. I don't know who called 9-1-1. The witness disappeared. It felt like hours before seeing the lights. I'm getting ahead of myself.
It was before the lights showed up. A small black creature smiled down at me. It was whispering something. It's grin frightened me. When the lights appeared the creature vanished.
I died six times. Four times on the way to the hospital. Twice on the table. My parents, younger brother, and older sister hovered over my bed. Tears misted there eyes. Prayers escaped their lips. They cried when I opened my eyes. I wanted to cry out in pain as they all wrapped themselves around my broken body. It took a little over a year for me to fully recover. I was determined to walk into my last year of college without a limp. No one told my about Sydney. I was afraid to ask. After I was fully recovered, Sydney mother came to see me. She held me tight and told me the news. Sydney drowned. It was too dangerous to try and fish them out at the time of the accident. It was decided the rescue would be in vain. Sydney had to wait until late spring for her burial.
I went to see her that night. A year had passed since that night. The moon was high in the sky. It was almost to the hour of her passing. I still remember the words I told her.
"I'm so sorry Syd. I don't know why I took my eyes off the road. I don't know why I survived. I wish I had died instead. You had so much life inside you just waiting to burst into action. It's...I'm...I love you Syd."
I broke down and collapsed on her grave. I cried and cried and cried.
"You want to see her again?" I will never forget the confusion in that voice.
The black creature sat on her gravestone. I hadn't seen it since that night.
"I can bring her spirit here, but you have to help me." It went one to say that her soul was stolen by a demon. The creature was a Bounty Hunter and Soul Seeker. It was after the demon that stole her soul. Even though I didn't understand most of what it said, I knew I had to help it. I had to save her soul. "She can never live in her body again, but you can save her soul so she can be reborn." Those words snapped me from my despair. I we can save her again, she can be reborn.
I agreed to help the little creature. She introduced herself as Aeron, daughter of Yima. Aeron gave me the next week to set my life in order.
I told my parents I needed to go find myself. I needed to find a reason to my survival. They understood. I quit my job. Withdrew from school. Said see you later to all my friends.
A week later I met Aeron at Sydney's grave.
My journey has just begun.
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Posted: Thu Jan 31, 2013 7:15 pm
This is definitely the beginning of an idea, and one that has a lot potential. There's a lot going on here, but I sense the real focus and main action of this story coming from the moment Aeron re-appears in the graveyard; this point, or somewhere around it, might be the strongest beginning. The wreck might be better as backstory, something heavy for the protagonist to be carrying before we’re even introduced as readers. That emotional weight can also give Aeron’s first appearance to the readers more mystery, and more potential danger as well.
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