Don't read this if you don't want to be depressed or you have something negative to say.
So... this is what is screwed up with me in a nutshell:
I really am trying to be a good person. Why is forgiveness so difficult? Why is it so hard to let go of anger and hurt?
Ugh! This man, after 8 years of being my father, decided to leave us for a woman much younger than him. Then he popped in and out of my life at times when I was just learning to cope, screwing my emotions up all over again. And he knows just how to manipulate me. After all he's done, after all the pain and hardships he's caused me, my brother, and my mum... all I want is for him to reveal some magical reason why he did the things he did, why he didn't even want joint custody when my mum offered it. I just want him to have a good reason why. I just want him to tell me that he loves me, and for once - just once - mean it. And he knows it. And he uses that against me - to manipulate my mum into things, to get me to welcome him back with open arms... whatever he wants and whatever is convenient.
Then this last time, he comes back with a wife half his age and a new son that he loves more than me and my brother and expects us to be okay with it. Then just as I am starting to accept it and tentatively starting to make the decision to let him try to be a father to me again, he leaves. And I haven't seen or heard from him since - with the exception of him getting a facebook and trying to add me as a friend just before Thanksgiving.
I still haven't accepted or denied. The request is just sitting there, nagging me to decide what I want to do about having my father in my life.
Any advice? Please?
So... this is what is screwed up with me in a nutshell:
I really am trying to be a good person. Why is forgiveness so difficult? Why is it so hard to let go of anger and hurt?
Ugh! This man, after 8 years of being my father, decided to leave us for a woman much younger than him. Then he popped in and out of my life at times when I was just learning to cope, screwing my emotions up all over again. And he knows just how to manipulate me. After all he's done, after all the pain and hardships he's caused me, my brother, and my mum... all I want is for him to reveal some magical reason why he did the things he did, why he didn't even want joint custody when my mum offered it. I just want him to have a good reason why. I just want him to tell me that he loves me, and for once - just once - mean it. And he knows it. And he uses that against me - to manipulate my mum into things, to get me to welcome him back with open arms... whatever he wants and whatever is convenient.
Then this last time, he comes back with a wife half his age and a new son that he loves more than me and my brother and expects us to be okay with it. Then just as I am starting to accept it and tentatively starting to make the decision to let him try to be a father to me again, he leaves. And I haven't seen or heard from him since - with the exception of him getting a facebook and trying to add me as a friend just before Thanksgiving.
I still haven't accepted or denied. The request is just sitting there, nagging me to decide what I want to do about having my father in my life.
Any advice? Please?
