[PRP] Things We Must Do [Apanthi & Asami]

[Kaelyndra]

It was dark, the color of swamp-pitch. Asami could almost taste the grit in her teeth. The air smelled far too dry, her fur too full of dust and not enough mud.

The pride had settled, huddled together for the cold winds which would come. Wind. It had been a strange sensation, whipping dust into her eyes, and ruffling her fur until her bones felt cold. The swamps had never had such wind. There was nothing to stop it.

But Asami wasn't sleeping. Her eyes scanned over her siblings, and she chewed on her tongue. The growing saliva in her mouth was swallowed and she gingerly shifted onto her feet. In his sleep, she lightly bumped her brother on the shoulder. She repeated this with each of her siblings, stopping at her pale, spirit-like sister. "I'll see you," she told her, Asami's voice a trembling whisper.

Then, she stepped carefully over the twitching leg of a sleeper and headed for the rest of the world.

Or, would have, had her conscious not gotten the best of her. Asami's stomach churned, rumbled, and she paused. Her eyes moved over to another sleeping figure and she fidgeted. Confrontation had never been Asami's strong point, but something. . .

"Ma?" she whispered out, trying to not wake up the others. Realizing about ten other lionesses in the near vicinity went by the word, Asami changed it to, "Apanthi," and made her voice stronger this time.  

[Meepfur]

It had taken Apanthi a long time to fall asleep, as every time she started to, an obsessive need to ensure that her children were still here compelled her to open her eyes and count and name them. Again, and again, and again. Even in the relative safety of the swamps, she had obsessed over her childrens' wellbeing, terrified that something might happen to them. The fire and subsequent exodus had sent that compulsion into overdrive, but eventually, even obsession had to give way to exhaustion.

Her sleep was restless, though, and the lioness twitched and murmurred unintelligibly, finding no relief in dreams, only ash and panic and loss. When the voice of her daughter filtered through, Apanthi jerked awake immediately, eyes wide but only half-seeing in the moments it took to process her surroundings.

"...Asami." Her muscles relaxed, her breathing slowed, and she checked again. Chusi, Mako, Nagua, Laanfa, Zerrin. Still here.

Kaelyndra

 

[Kaelyndra]

Meepfur

Guilt.

Asami never felt an emotion so strongly. The adolescent felt the energy drain from her body and she began to sit. Even that felt awkward, and so she found herself caught faltering between this and standing until at last her haunches touched the earth.

"Everything's okay, ma," she whispered. It was a lie.

While all her siblings breathed, her mother had been placated, Asami knew that the relief in her mother's eyes would not last. The nerve began to leave her body, and she considered that leaving may have been a poor idea after all.

That, however, would involve giving up. It was something Asami had done her whole life. In the swamp, she had given up and hidden. She was fortunate enough that she had later been found, covered in ash and swamp muck under the safety of a log. When things didn't go her way, she would simply not do them. For once in her life, she knew, she needed to stick by her own guns.

"I need to leave, ma," she breathed out, slowly, through a tight jaw. It was vague, especially when told to someone who had just been woken from slumber, but Asami was too afraid to offer confirmation on what, exactly, leave meant. Asami just assumed her mother should know.  

[Meepfur]

Yes. Yes, everything was okay. Her children were all here, all whole and well, and Asami was probably just having trouble sleeping and wanted someone to talk to.

If only. Apanthi's ears fell along with the rest of her expression, and panic replaced the relief that had so briefly entered her eyes. "Leave? But...but you can't! You have to stay, everyone has to stay with the pride, the Queen said so! Pilgrimages are postponed!"

It was true, but it was also an excuse. A reason to keep her children one more day, one more week, one more month, before she lost them to the world.

Kaelyndra

 

[Kaelyndra]

Meepfur

The red-pelted child shuffled from foot to foot. Her eyes went to her toes. The inward battle raged on, and Asami kept repeating to herself that she needed to leave. Now. Leave now. It's time.

"Ma," she tried to butt in. "Mother," she half-groaned, half-snapped, exasperated. Only a fool would have thought this would have gone well, but the apprehension of asking had been building up in her body for days.

"I'm can't stay here." She watched her pride burn to the ground. "I don't have a proper name, everything is wrong, okay?"

Then, she struck a low blow like every tantrum-throwing child is apt to do. "I need to. Can't you let me do something, for once?" It would not matter how many things Apanthi had allowed her children to do in the past, right now Asami was convinced she'd never let her children do anything.