It's just plain amazing how powerful the thought of a new year begins, brings a chance to bring a new beginning. A chance to do and think things differently.. And that's exactly what I've started to do. It was almost as simple as flipping a switch for me.
Let me jump awhile back from New Years for just a moment though. 2012 was a very off year for me and others around me. Many traditions were either broken or dead.. literally. There was a lot of internal pain going on for me. Like very much it seemed like rampancy that a Halo AI unit would experience during its last moments of existence.. Almost exactly like that. (Not sure if anyone knows what I mean)
So many questions were floating in my head, I was stressed, depressed, even suicidal. My body was actually starting to give up too for the first time ever. I think I came closer than ever before to really wanting to take my lights out, if you know what I mean.
And then just one night in late December, laying there half a sleep. A different answer approached me to seize all the pain in a choke hold and throw it out the door. New Years was approaching, it was time to make a New Years resolution.
I told myself, "If I won't change naturally, I will force it by my sheer will alone."
I decided that for me to this, I need to break free from my mental like prison that kept me locked away since the start of High School.. And all that hate and anger bottled up inside came out in a single day.
My next step was to make myself speak out more. Express my thoughts out more openly, allow myself to express emotions if I need to. IT all needs to stay external, no more keeping this inside. Because of this, my speech has become clearer and I've become less forgetful of current events. Because of this, my first two days of the year have been almost WAY better than my whole 2012 year was! : D
Anyone else had a New Years resolution? Anyone following up with it?
Let me jump awhile back from New Years for just a moment though. 2012 was a very off year for me and others around me. Many traditions were either broken or dead.. literally. There was a lot of internal pain going on for me. Like very much it seemed like rampancy that a Halo AI unit would experience during its last moments of existence.. Almost exactly like that. (Not sure if anyone knows what I mean)
So many questions were floating in my head, I was stressed, depressed, even suicidal. My body was actually starting to give up too for the first time ever. I think I came closer than ever before to really wanting to take my lights out, if you know what I mean.
And then just one night in late December, laying there half a sleep. A different answer approached me to seize all the pain in a choke hold and throw it out the door. New Years was approaching, it was time to make a New Years resolution.
I told myself, "If I won't change naturally, I will force it by my sheer will alone."
I decided that for me to this, I need to break free from my mental like prison that kept me locked away since the start of High School.. And all that hate and anger bottled up inside came out in a single day.
My next step was to make myself speak out more. Express my thoughts out more openly, allow myself to express emotions if I need to. IT all needs to stay external, no more keeping this inside. Because of this, my speech has become clearer and I've become less forgetful of current events. Because of this, my first two days of the year have been almost WAY better than my whole 2012 year was! : D
Anyone else had a New Years resolution? Anyone following up with it?
