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 Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 10:02 pm
I suppose this will be the place where I post my most current thoughts and worries. Hopefully by mapping them out I can think and feel better.
If you have any comments or concerns, please feel free to message me.
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Posted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 10:10 pm
How Bothered I Am: 12/6/12
Current Thoughts:
How much stress and worry I have lately.
I really wish that I didn't have so much stuff do. That, and I wish you wouldn't have a job that made you work extremely long a** hours and drive your s**t 80's car into the ground. Jeez... You're still in High School, yet they're taking advantage of the fact that you recently turned 18. Every tip you make from delivering that crap pizza will go back into your car. I mean, you weren't taking breaks or your lunch? Stupid.
Getting yelled at by your mother on a daily basis while your sister sits in her room on the computer. You're like a her ******** husband... It's disgusting. Hang out with me for one hour and she yells at you for a day. Maybe it's me. I just can't get over the stories you've told me about her. I just can't.
You just never stand up for yourself. You let people walk all over you.
Why?
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Posted: Thu Aug 22, 2013 8:25 pm
Critical Thinking: 8/22/13
Current Thoughts:
I need to make a decision
I know I've been a bad girlfriend, but you've pushed me away so much. I can't help but resent you for the things you have done. I love you, I truly do, but I'm not sure if I want to go on my own and find someone new. A woman.
It's always been a struggle for me to accept my sexuality. I would say that I'm pansexual, but I seriously lean toward feminine people. The way they act, look, etc. I just want to be with a woman. So bad. I constantly get jealous of other female on female couples and wish to join in this group that I feel exists at times. Like only elite people can get a girlfriend.
I'm not opposed to another boyfriend, but I'm certainly a lot more picky with men than I am women. With men, I tend to eat them up. I can't help it. I just... have a bad hatred of men. I know why, but I can't seem to shake it. I did at the beginning of my current relationship, but it's come back. He pushed it back into the relationship by ignoring me and denying my needs.
He's just a selfish a*****e who gets his way by crying a bit to me. I'm done, yet I can't leave. I feel like I have to get some revenge before I just leave, but I know that's wrong. I can't deal with my aggressive personality anymore and it kills me. Maybe me having a new job will keep me so busy that I will start to cool down. If my relationship keeps being a selfish one, I'll leave. I just need to stop being so scared of what comes after a break up.
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