Welcome to Gaia! ::

Man didn't create enough words to comfort Bereck. Alina had no idea where she could even start with that, let alone try to reassure him that the apprentices death was not his fault. He dealt with death all day since his apprentice years. This was not something she knew how to handle.

So she held his hand and stroked his hair and she listened.

"If you decide to be stupid and try to cut me out or say there isn't enough time to be together, I'll call you out on your bullshit," she said softly. The petting continued, her cheek pressed close to him. "We were ambitious children. We're adults now, with adults fears and guilts. You'll be alright, Ber. Tired and bruised up, you'll always be okay. You have people."

Alina squeezed back. "Feel free to remind me, love. It's been much too long since I've heard you say it. You're a man much too smart for his own good and I love you." The words flowed so much easier after that first time.

Bereck not sniping her words was a good sign that he hadn't tumbled into a world of biterness and angry just yet. Alina smoothed her hand over his hair again, not wanting to upset him further.

"If you have someone with better handwriting than the two of us do it, I shall pay a glasscrafter to frame it. Make sure they check for grammar as well. Wouldn't want a badly worded proof. It'd make us both look bad." She 'tsk'd under her breath, head shaking minutely. "I'll draft up something in regards to how we can make this work, even with you a bit banged up and me not knowing how to talk to Aleck. Sound good?"

Ah, love notes. They helped everything. She kept a little note from turns before, the edges rotting away despite it being on fabric, from multiple viewings and salt in the air. She'd scrawled, in that cramped, messy ink blot and drunken spider writing, a query requesting thoughts on a reconcilliation once they both got what they wanted. Her diagnosis of 'baby' came in before she sent it.

"Do you know how long it has been since I spoke to a person as a person and not a Starcrafter? I'm sure you can imagine," Alina dipped her nose down to nuzzle the tip of it to his forehead in place of a kiss. "Your opinion of yourself may not change but if it is any help at all, I don't think you're pathetic, Ber, and certainly not for this.

"It's... it's just really good to see you trust me enough to talk, or are at least comfortable enough. You're much more sensitive than you like to be, you know. But not pathetic."

"I don't think I was ever very angry at you." She said after a moment of pause. "There was a time where I thought about contacting you after we both received our titles but then everything happened. You had a baby and even less time to spare and I realized we hadn't spoken in two turns. They offered me a job and so I just... I left. A bit of resentment, maybe, but not anger. It wasn't your fault."

It'd been hers, after all. If she could have handled a drooling, pooping, crying, messy faced, constant attention draining infant, if she got over it and stayed, things would have been different. Or, if she told him she was leaving, maybe he'd have asked her to stay. If Aleck had been in the creche, maybe she would've had the nerve to drop by, stare at him, maybe not feel the same gross knot in her gut as she had the entirety of her pregnancy.

Her shortcomings as a person led to all of this. And now, if because of her inability to cope with a situation that physically left her ill, her son may not like her. Ever.

What then?

Alina kissed his forehead and moved slowly, so she curled on her side to face him. Maybe he'd straighten up then. Less bending. Her hand found his, squeezed again. Even if Bereck made time for this once he had a choice, the end could come at the feelings of the person she had because she loved Bereck. The boy would always win. He had twenty years ago and would again.

"Talking is good," she agreed with a little nod. "And I would like to see this non-rushed handwriting of yours."

It was her turn to put her face in his shoulder, gently, fingers threaded together with his. She pressed as close as she could, relaxing once they managed to find a suitable position for cuddling

His silence after talking about 'working something out' did not go unnoticed. Alina pulled her glasses off when they rode up her nose and they, too, plunked to the bed.

"Do I want to ask what happens if he hates me?" She knew the answer, whether or not her soft tone betrayed her.

"Whatever you're thinking about yourself, stop it." Alina mumbled against him. She didn't quite wrap her arms around a badly injured man, but she did fist her hand up in his top as a sort of anchor. "I know you, you dreadful man. You know me. We've got this."

Her grip loosened somewhat on his shirt and she wedged her head up a bit more to peek at him with blurry vision and absolutely no wetness to them, not at all. "As long as you didn't tell him what a huge b***h I am, he could be okay. Just - plan. What do I do to not make him want to set fire to my work?"

And if she sounded a bit tight and sniffly, that was just the angle.

"Okay." Alina nodded slowly and shifted closer, nosing her face back against his neck. "Okay. Talk to him when you're ready and just... just let me know when you want to introduce us?"

Another nod and she flexed her fingers in his shirt. "Whatever happens, I still regret nothing from earlier. So you know."

Even if it went pear shaped, at least she collected new memories of what it was like to be loved. Bereck had his son and his dragon to be a constant reassurance. She had a short few years with her parents, a year and a half with Bereck, and a few minutes now. Her marriage hadn't been love.

So, if nothing else, she had that.

"Me too." She said rather than voice the pathetic reason on why she would not regret. "But just give me a date and time and I'll be there."