Welcome to Gaia! ::

I can’t believe this place is still here.

I am snowed in today along with being quarantined. I don’t know why I had such a sudden urge to look this place up.

I don’t have the original email I used eight thousand years ago so it took a while to log in.

But wow. It’s here.

I’m so glad you all seem to be doing well, despite this pandemic. I honestly only want the most happiness for each and every one of you.

Lone, I am so glad you found your wife and now you have a baby! I know she must be so adorable and so smart like you.

In my head, I had a long personal recap to share with you all. But I just want to be grateful for this space, for the time we had, for the stories we told.

And send you all the best wishes. This stranger loves you SO MUCH
heart xp

I also sometimes use discord. I always have a million notifications because I am too old to figure out how to turn them off! gonk but you can reach me at zenrabbit#5107

I think this place might get deleted. I tried finding “guilds” through the main site and couldn’t at all. I could only get here through a google search.

They are phasing these out. Just a matter of time before it disappears.

Does anyone know how to back it all up? I don’t own a computer so I can’t help.

Or shall we let her go gracefully into the night?


I wanted to visit because I’m in a bad way. I wish more of you still checked.

It really has been quite some time since I've last checked in here. I am glad to see that the guild is still up despite what Keebee said about it possibly going down.

I lost my old photos of the LWD board game, Ocarina, unfortunately...I still have stuff of it at home which I can take photos of...but I honestly forgot how to upload images onto here. Lol.

Also, I am making this update without my wife's knowledge while at work now....not gonna lie...she keeps me on a very short and tight leash...especially when she found out that I was speaking to old female friends from this guild again last year (Keebee). My wife is extremely jealous....I am so sorry. sad

As for an update...

Things have certainly been rough for me this past year. 2021 was the worst year of my life. No longer on speaking terms to one of my best friends who I had known since the 6th grade cause he and I got into a heated disagreement. Lost my grandpa who passed away. Got Covid, which made me lose my sense of smell for awhile, but I overcame it. Had to move out of my parents house and into a 1 bedroom apartment because me and my wife were NOT getting along with my parents AT ALL. Seriously...it was ******** toxic as hell living there. Non stop screaming and arguing at each other. My mother was mostly to blame. It really screwed up our relationships with each other.

So now I am living in a 1 bedroom apartment with my wife and 3 year old daughter who has the walk in closet as her bedroom for now....because this is all I can afford. We don't qualify for any welfare because apparently I make too much money. I am making 26.25 an hour now with a rent that is $1,615.00 a month. Do the math. Yes. It's a struggle. My wife can't work cause she has to take care of our toddler. We don't trust daycare (a lot of creeps out there nowadays...).

I am managing to keep a roof over our heads with electricity and food in our bellies. That's all that matters for now. My job is pretty chill and laid back. Not very strict, but the long ours alone in my station gets extremely lonely.

I fixed my sleep apnea problem. Use a Cpap machine now to sleep every night. It definitely brought my vitality back. No longer passing out every 2 hours like I used to. I can stay up longer. I can finally READ without falling asleep. It was really bad. I also take a lot of medication for my heart, cholesterol and blood pressure. My health...sucks. Not gonna lie. But I am nearly 40...so yeah. Turning 36 this year. I'm gettin up there.

Psychologically, it's been getting tough. Since leaving my parents I have become damn near alienated by the rest of my family because of it. They all treat me and ny wife like crap, talk crap and spread rumors about us, ignore us, never come visit us. Life at home has been a struggle as well. My wife has a hard time understanding me sometimes. My daughter is stubborn, barely eats anything, and just like a wild animal that can't sit still. She might've gotten some of my intelligence, cause she IS smart and catches onto things quickly, but man oh man....she can be very stressful to deal with sometimes.

Hard to find some alone time at home or a private space for me to just relax in peace, since we are in a 1 bedroom apartment, our living space is very small and cramped. It is getting to my wife as well and she tends to take her frustrations out on me most of the time. I'm always the "bad guy" of the house...

Not gonna lie, I've contemplated divorce a few times. Thought about just leaving and never coming back. Just giving up. Feels like I've lost everything and everyone already as it is, so I just want to live in a cave somewhere far far away from everyone and everything...just disappear. This has crossed ny mind many times over this past year.

But here's the thing. Being the man of the house and the father means it is my DUTY to stick with it despite how tough things get. For my daughter's sake, I have to be here for her. I have to put up with the BS for her. Even if she ends up hating me too....which she likely will, let's be honest here...I'm a little MORE than an a*****e sometimes. But despite that, I have to still be in her life to help her when she needs me, because that is my responsibility. And I will remain faithful to my wife, despite the fact that she REALLY treats me like crap sometimes....I made a vow to her when I married her and I plan on sticking to it. Even if she screws me over in the end like the rest of em. I can still walk away with some dignity in tact knowing that I at least TRIED.

I'm not the greatest husband/father either honestly, and it took getting married and having a kid for me to finally realize that. I am a loner and an introvert. Always have been. I yearned for a partner because I was lonely, but now that I have one, I realized how much I missed living life when I only had myself to worry about. How much easier it was. It was lonely, sure, but it wasn't too bad, given my introverted lifestyle of gaming. In a lot of ways...I was happier. Being a husband/dad, honestly, makes life a lot more complicated and burdens a lot of weight onto your shoulders. So many responsibilities and worries about the possibility if something bad were to ever happen to me, what would happen to them? How will the bills get paid if I lost my job? What if my car broke down and I couldn't go to work? Lots of possibilities that can happen and really throw a wrench in everything you work hard for.

These kind of heavy responsibilities can really burden a man to the point where he is too busy worrying about his responsibilities to stop and enjoy his life for awhile. The anxiety and stress of it all just pushes you down all the time....and yet as the husband/father, you have to come home with an optimistic attitude. Smile for your young child. Be social for your wife. Be strong for them.

It's tough. Really tough.

So word of advice, Ocarina? Stay single dude. Trust me. Keep doing you. You will be happier and less stressed that way.

Keebs? I'm sorry that I can't be there for you like I used to be. Especially when you have been struggling. Ce la vie? Right? Just keep hanging in there and keep yourself happy. That's all we can do nowadays in this burning world. Keep your head up. I know very well myself that that's easier said then done, but we just gotta keep on going in this crazy life until it's finally done.

Sorry to hear you having a rough go of things, Captain. Seems you just can't catch a break, but we keep muddling on and living life.

Its hard to think I'll be 35 this year. In 1 year it'll be 10yrs since I got my bachelors, in 3yrs it'll be 20 year high school reunion. I don't know where the time went.

I finally saved enough to buy a house last year. I mean... the bank REALLY owns it, but I'm making those the mortgage payments. House ownership is rough. I'm ready to go into the yard with a flamethrower and then salt the earth to stop s**t from growing.

Still single, not bothering to mingle, so the house is pretty quiet and empty but its not very big and I'm comfortable with my loneliness.

Work is fine, though the future of my profession and such is a large source of stress since its always what's the next step of your career? Like, dude, I'm a civil engineer. I design freeways and I'm pretty good at it. Stop pressuring me to learn a drainage program that I'll just forget how to use the same way I forget every 'important' skill and knowledge as soon as I stop using it. It's frustrating that I can't just be a more experienced me in the future, I need to plan to grow more and more and more but I like what I'm going and the position that I'm at. I don't want to be a manager.

Family is... well mostly dead honestly. Got my mom, aunt, uncle, and two cousins.... and that's all. That's my entire family. And haven't even seen my aunt or cousins in over 5 years I think. It's interesting that neither me nor my cousins have any intention to have kids so this branch of my family tree literally dies this generation. It will just end at us. I'm not sure how to feel about that or if I should even care.

I count myself mostly fortunate. I have moderate health, decent job, and try to maintain a low-stress lifestyle even if it seems pretty boring. Hope 2023 treats all of you guys well.

Hey everyone.

Not sure who still checks back here anymore. But I figured I'd give an update on my current situation in life anyway.

My mother passed away last night.

She had been struggling with some kind of bacteria in her colon and was hospitalized because of it. It caused an infection that began attacking her liver, which resulted in a form of cancer, which then began attacking the rest of her organs. This whole process lasted about 3-4 weeks. She was in pain the entire time. The doctors said she had 3-4 hrs to live yesterday morning, but she ended up lasting all the way until 8pm that night. She was suffering the entire day and then finally passed.

My father wanted me to head over to the hospital, but I couldn't bring myself to go through with it. I had seen my mother in the hospital the week prior, where she was still coherent and able to speak and understand us. I knew when I saw her that day that that would be the last time I would ever see her again. So I kissed her on the forehead and looked her directly in the eyes and told her I loved her, then said goodbye and left. When I refused to head over to the hospital yesterday, my father was upset with me at first. He asked "Are you THAT horrible of a son that you won't even make the time to come see your mother when she is dying???" I knew he was projecting his anger out on me and I just told him to please not take it out on me. I told him that I couldn't see my mother suffering like that and that I had said my goodbyes to her the week prior. After a lot of crying, my father apologized for what he said to me and understood my standpoint. At least I think he did...he may still be bitter with me.

I know it sucks that I didn't go, but I have no regrets for what I did that day. Instead of going to the hospital to painfully observe my mother suffer for the entire day and die a slow and painful death, I chose to instead spend time with my wife and daughter, doing happy things and just relaxing. I cried for about 3 hours straight to let it out of my system, but slowly got myself back together again. Perhaps what I did was selfish of me, but I am glad that the last memory I have of my mother is kissing her goodbye and telling her I love her while she was still coherent and understood me instead of seeing her suffer for an entire day and watching her die painfully and slowly.

Congrats on your new job position, Ocarina. Maybe, of the money is worth it, you should consider a higher position. The economy sure as hell isn't getting any easier these days.

As for where my life stands right now...

Most of my family doesn't even speak to me anymore. My father never visits his granddaughter anymore either and yet, is able to visit my sister who only lives 10 minutes away from me every other weekend to get s**t faced drunk with her and her alcoholic bf. My wife's family has mostly alienated her as well, and her friends too. My best friend ended his friendship with me a few weeks before my mom died. Told him she passed and he never responded. Granted, I was being a jerk to him before he ended our friendship and things have gotten pretty toxic between us anyway, so I probably deserved that.

My other best friend went to prison for having sex with a 17 year old in Colorado. He lost his career as a physical instructor for the school he worked at, is now living with his parents and had been labeled as a sex offender. The guy was always pretty cocky, but seeing how things worked out for him in the end...I wouldn't wish that outcome on my worst enemy. Dude's life is ruined cause he literally "******** around and found out."

Found out another best friend was doing even worse things with minors. Had to cut off my friendship from him entirely. The ******** is this world coming to?

So I'm pretty much all alone now, except for having my wife and daughter. Though, my wife treats me like s**t and I am honestly, very unhappy with this marriage. If there is one thing I have learned after being married for 6 years is: I should have never married at all in the first place.

My daughter can be a real pain in the a** to deal with too. Always throwing tantrums, still unable to understand basic instructions. Toddlers.....suck. they suck sooo much she's 5 right now and just started kindergarten, but she is still stuck in that toddler mindset, which can be incredibly frustrating.

Do I want another kid? ******** NO. Not only can I not afford another kid, but the amount of stress raising a kid ensues is just so not ******** worth it. Especially when you have a bitchy wife who treats you like s**t, is extremely impatient and always yelling at you and your kid, is lazy as hell and never picks up after herself, doesn't drive and doesn't work or generate any sort of income whatsoever. Yeah....married life ******** blows. I'm practically Al Bundy from Married with Children at this point. I'm even balding like him too!

But yeah. Sometimes I wish I could just get a life reset. Do things differently. Or just run away and live like a hermit someplace else. I hate going out. I don't like people. All of my favorite activities are at home. I like peace and quiet. And yeah....I just need to live a quiet life by myself for the rest of my life. I'm 38 years old now. Going on 40. I'm tired of the bullshit. Tired of the disappointment and unwelcome surprises. Tired of the constant abuse. I just want to be left completely and utterly alone.

Then at the same time, I know I'll just keep taking the hits regardless because I'm too nice and just let people abuse me and take advantage of me. In that sense, I'm just too ******** weak. I'm a simple guy and also very simple minded. I wouldn't survive on my own, admittedly. Despite how much I want to be alone. I also don't have it in my heart to leave my daughter or break up the family and leave her alone with her abusive mother. Everything just...sucks. I'm barely getting by financially. Hanging on with a thread. Can't even afford a 2 bedroom apartment, so we are still stuck with a 1 bedroom. Having to share our bedroom with our daughter. This could be fixed if my wife would just get a job, but she keeps making excuses and I know she's never going to come through on that.

So yeah...just.... surviving for now, I guess.