Dear t, m, s, and them,
To t. I might like you, and its strange, really strange, I've been thinking about it and I honestly don't like it. Your nice but your not what I need nor want, your kind and caring but I'd rather have you as my friend sibling then anything else. You like someone too, and that's what makes me even more uncomfortable, and to top it all off I used to like your brother.. I think. So with this letter I'm getting rid of those feelings hopefully. Hopefully time apart can help kill these feelings and kill them good.
I don't want you in this way.
To m. Your awesome, but your feelings, I can't return them and I'm sorry. Being so much to you hurts. I'm not worth all that you give me, all that you save for me. I'm not that rose you wish to have but more of the thorns you wish to not have. Discard me from your heart and move on. Being with me is a dead and lifeless end. My heart wishes to make childish mistakes while you wish to hold me as an adult and treat me like a rare flower one more precious then the world it self. I can't get involved with that, this is for you I do so and for myself. The difference is to great and your feelings are to hot, hotter then the sun and as eternal as a newborn star. I don't need such a love at the moment I need something sweet and memorable. Such as a piece of candy. A love that flavors my heart and mind with experience and even if it leaves a bad after taste I will always such for one that can leave a good one. This is my prime, the beginning of me, and I can't end it so soon.
I'm sorry.
To s. I hate you. I really do, you cause me such disheartening feelings that I can't help but hate you. You wish the world to be concerned with you and yet you sound nothing more then a little brat. Go away and exit my life. you make me wish to fall into an old pattern, one I wish to forget terribly bad. You complain only about how bad your life seems to be and laugh at others horrible pain. That is pure ignorance in which you indulge in. Don't mock those who suffer such horrible pasts and such horrible mind sets. We are their family. We may not be their family by blood but what bonds us and them together is much deeper then blood, it is the shared love of a guild. We are stronger then the earth its self. Your petty feelings are nothing that should tear us apart and yet you seem ti try so hard to ruin what our precious GL has tried so hard to build with our help. Why do you need such silly help on such basic things, you blame it on a mental disorder and yet you aren't even like what those who have it are like. Your fake beyond belief and so you've lost my liking. You're pathetic. You mock the person who covered for you, hid the truth that could have put you on a kos list, and yet you repay him by laughing at his sorrow. I will never help you and I will do everything I can to make sure you never get the satisfaction of my understanding and liking. I am a force to both love and fear. I hate with a passion and I am loyal with an even stronger passion. You have betrayed me and so you shall understand to never cross me again.
Regret will be the only thing you understand.
Finally to them. I miss you, I miss every single one of you. And I'm crying because of you all. Even as I write this thoughts, memories of you all flash through my mind like a fall breeze. One with the happy memories of summer lingering on the tip but the coldness of a internal sadness for the cold winter ahead. I would give everything I had in the past, present, and future to see you all. Just for a day, even an hour if possible. If I could touch at least one of you guys once more. Smell that familiar scent of love and acceptance once again. I miss you guys so much and as you guys left me, and moved to a new place, out of reach from me and all life you stole a piece of my heart. A piece I don't want back if it means I can remember you all, even if its just a bit. I still have that old coffee can you filled with rocks Joanne. I remember your daughters and how they were so cruel to my grandma, I don't forgive them but I can't hate them. I can't no like them as they are a piece of you. And hating them would mean hating you. I miss you Philis. You and your beautiful, kind self. You were a person I would give another birthday up for, I would miss any birthday for you, just so I could see you again. Your daughter, I miss her too, even though I never learned how to spell her name haha. I miss her so much. I still remember her promise, that one promise that we made that hot summer day when I was 10. I remember how you said you'd play video games with me. The only friend I had was you. The one true friend I couldn't wait to see. you never kept that promise, you left me to soon. Please come back even in another life time please remember our promise, because I will. Even as a new human or animal I will always, deep down, remember those words we shared together. Those moments that seemed to never end. And to every one else I may have forgotten. It seems as though I've forgotten a few of you, and yet there is this bitter-sweet feeling that reminds me, your faces maybe gone. faded out like an old photo blurry and unfocused, but I still feel you. I miss you too. Don't forget me, none of you. Please don't forget me, because if you do. I'll be even more alone. I need you guys even if I remain in a small memory in the back of your minds, reminding you of your past experiences. Don't forget me, I beg, I plead. You never forgot about me when you were still here and so I will try to remember you just as much. You guys were the only ones to remember so don't let that change. Make that coffee cake like you always used to do Joanne, and bring smiles to every ones faces Philis, and light up their days with cheesecake her daughter. Even after all these years I remember that, those small details I can never forget, that I will never forget. Seeing is hard now, I can't stop these tears that flood my body from both my heart and my eyes, I want to write more about you all, to repeat the words "I miss you, I love you all" over and over again but I can't the memories hurt so sweetly. And they roll through my mind like an old film, I was stupid back then and never appreciated your company till it was to late, I lived in the moment and when I finally realized you were gone it was to late to say goodbye, it was to late to say I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused you all. For how much I talked and talked, for how much I never really paid close attention to you till you were either stuck in bed, found at the bottom of the stairs, or resting under stone. I want to visit you guys once more, though I fear if I do, I'll end up a sobbing mess.
I love you all, so much.
I don't want you in this way.
To m. Your awesome, but your feelings, I can't return them and I'm sorry. Being so much to you hurts. I'm not worth all that you give me, all that you save for me. I'm not that rose you wish to have but more of the thorns you wish to not have. Discard me from your heart and move on. Being with me is a dead and lifeless end. My heart wishes to make childish mistakes while you wish to hold me as an adult and treat me like a rare flower one more precious then the world it self. I can't get involved with that, this is for you I do so and for myself. The difference is to great and your feelings are to hot, hotter then the sun and as eternal as a newborn star. I don't need such a love at the moment I need something sweet and memorable. Such as a piece of candy. A love that flavors my heart and mind with experience and even if it leaves a bad after taste I will always such for one that can leave a good one. This is my prime, the beginning of me, and I can't end it so soon.
I'm sorry.
To s. I hate you. I really do, you cause me such disheartening feelings that I can't help but hate you. You wish the world to be concerned with you and yet you sound nothing more then a little brat. Go away and exit my life. you make me wish to fall into an old pattern, one I wish to forget terribly bad. You complain only about how bad your life seems to be and laugh at others horrible pain. That is pure ignorance in which you indulge in. Don't mock those who suffer such horrible pasts and such horrible mind sets. We are their family. We may not be their family by blood but what bonds us and them together is much deeper then blood, it is the shared love of a guild. We are stronger then the earth its self. Your petty feelings are nothing that should tear us apart and yet you seem ti try so hard to ruin what our precious GL has tried so hard to build with our help. Why do you need such silly help on such basic things, you blame it on a mental disorder and yet you aren't even like what those who have it are like. Your fake beyond belief and so you've lost my liking. You're pathetic. You mock the person who covered for you, hid the truth that could have put you on a kos list, and yet you repay him by laughing at his sorrow. I will never help you and I will do everything I can to make sure you never get the satisfaction of my understanding and liking. I am a force to both love and fear. I hate with a passion and I am loyal with an even stronger passion. You have betrayed me and so you shall understand to never cross me again.
Regret will be the only thing you understand.
Finally to them. I miss you, I miss every single one of you. And I'm crying because of you all. Even as I write this thoughts, memories of you all flash through my mind like a fall breeze. One with the happy memories of summer lingering on the tip but the coldness of a internal sadness for the cold winter ahead. I would give everything I had in the past, present, and future to see you all. Just for a day, even an hour if possible. If I could touch at least one of you guys once more. Smell that familiar scent of love and acceptance once again. I miss you guys so much and as you guys left me, and moved to a new place, out of reach from me and all life you stole a piece of my heart. A piece I don't want back if it means I can remember you all, even if its just a bit. I still have that old coffee can you filled with rocks Joanne. I remember your daughters and how they were so cruel to my grandma, I don't forgive them but I can't hate them. I can't no like them as they are a piece of you. And hating them would mean hating you. I miss you Philis. You and your beautiful, kind self. You were a person I would give another birthday up for, I would miss any birthday for you, just so I could see you again. Your daughter, I miss her too, even though I never learned how to spell her name haha. I miss her so much. I still remember her promise, that one promise that we made that hot summer day when I was 10. I remember how you said you'd play video games with me. The only friend I had was you. The one true friend I couldn't wait to see. you never kept that promise, you left me to soon. Please come back even in another life time please remember our promise, because I will. Even as a new human or animal I will always, deep down, remember those words we shared together. Those moments that seemed to never end. And to every one else I may have forgotten. It seems as though I've forgotten a few of you, and yet there is this bitter-sweet feeling that reminds me, your faces maybe gone. faded out like an old photo blurry and unfocused, but I still feel you. I miss you too. Don't forget me, none of you. Please don't forget me, because if you do. I'll be even more alone. I need you guys even if I remain in a small memory in the back of your minds, reminding you of your past experiences. Don't forget me, I beg, I plead. You never forgot about me when you were still here and so I will try to remember you just as much. You guys were the only ones to remember so don't let that change. Make that coffee cake like you always used to do Joanne, and bring smiles to every ones faces Philis, and light up their days with cheesecake her daughter. Even after all these years I remember that, those small details I can never forget, that I will never forget. Seeing is hard now, I can't stop these tears that flood my body from both my heart and my eyes, I want to write more about you all, to repeat the words "I miss you, I love you all" over and over again but I can't the memories hurt so sweetly. And they roll through my mind like an old film, I was stupid back then and never appreciated your company till it was to late, I lived in the moment and when I finally realized you were gone it was to late to say goodbye, it was to late to say I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused you all. For how much I talked and talked, for how much I never really paid close attention to you till you were either stuck in bed, found at the bottom of the stairs, or resting under stone. I want to visit you guys once more, though I fear if I do, I'll end up a sobbing mess.
I love you all, so much.
Sincerely,xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A friend, A guilty girl, An unhappy LT, and A sobbing mess.
A friend, A guilty girl, An unhappy LT, and A sobbing mess.
